So thankful for the world's purpose and for our many births


“He who deeply and truly loves as a conscious choice believes the impossible.”

-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“We are an impossibility in an impossible universe. Why would we ever be so scared of such thoughts as impossibility?”

-- Ray Bradbury

“One great difference between a wise man and a fool is: the former only wishes for what he may possibly obtain; the latter dreams of impossibilities.”

-- Democritus


God, I’m so thankful for the impenetrable impossibilities of this world (and for the crazy fool that I am), and that I no longer suffer the illusion that I can ever master this life. The endless adventure and beautiful struggle against it (vs. the desperately strived for and falsely proclaimed mastery of it) has been what has grown me and revealed You the most, and the fulfillment, miracles, and richness that are possible only in Your Truth are infinitely more satisfying than any accomplished, yet fleeting circumstantial pleasure and delusional perception of winning that sometimes comes while I’m living primarily in my lie. Thank You for the ridiculously clear fact that You and Truth and Love are totally in control, and that You need absolutely nothing from me to exist and flourish quite nicely, forever, and that if I wake up sufficiently to that fact, relaxing into letting You and Truth and Love set me right on a moment-to-moment basis, that I’ll never again have to almost literally kill myself to get things right for myself and/or others again. Why would I ever bother with that, anyway? After all, how could I (and why would I ever want to) get right that which is in the irresistible, perfectly unmanageable process of getting me right?

I sat with several people yesterday who were frozen in the terror of the total unmanageability and unpredictability of the holy “process” of their own transformation, and it was so moving and inspiring to just sit there and love them, knowing that I know nothing of how it will go and when; I only know that it will and why. We are birthed more than once in this life, and I know what this kind of “labor” looks and sounds like, and the difference between the real thing and false labor. As a spiritual midwife of sorts, in the realm of the birth and re-birth of adult, spiritually mature humans, I know that God has created a miraculous, mysterious process, and it doesn’t need my control, intervention, or over-management, simply my naming, invoking, surrendering to in sacredness, tending to with tenderness, and I stand ready, willing, and able to attend in awe and assist in the radical, revolutionary delivery.

Truly loving another transforms me.

"True submission to another never diminishes the one doing the submitting. It is neither a weak, trivial, passive, or mindless response to something done or said by another, nor is it a matter of 'sucking it up' to find a way to patiently 'put up with' or 'take it' from another. And true submission never diminishes the one being submitted to. It is neither a manipulation to make a subtle point of one's largesse, nor is it a clever matter of convenience or avoidance when feeling lazy or tired. Instead, it's a conscious choice of a willful surrender to Divine love and the transformation that ensues."

-- Jack Hayford

"But to love another as a person we must begin by granting her her own autonomy and identity as a person. We have to love her for what she is in herself, and not for what she is to or for us. We have to love her for her own good, not for the good we get out of her. And this is impossible unless we are capable of a love which 'transforms' us, so to speak, 'into the other' person, making us able to see things as she sees them, love what she loves, experience the deeper realities of her own life as if they were our own. Without sacrificing your 'agenda' with this person (what you need her to be), such a transformation is utterly impossible. But unless we are capable of this kind of transformation 'into the other,' while remaining ourselves, we are not yet capable of a fully human existence and fully loving experiences."

-- Thomas Merton, in Disputed Questions
(I changed all he's and him's to she's and her's.)

"Here's a simple way of summarizing sacrificial love: the Spirit-filled husband loves his wife not for what she can do 'for him,' but because of what he can do 'for her' out of what God does 'for him' when he asks. And it's not to simply 'please' her, but to 'inspire' her, to 'enliven' her with hope and an example, and occasionally to save her from herself in her darkest despair. That is exactly how real love works. Did you realize that love is an act of the conscious will, not a feeling? It is a commitment to the welfare of its object - a voluntary devotion. It involves sacrifice, consideration, chivalry, communion, courtesy, and commitment. It is precisely the kind of love you owe your wife as a natural expression when God fills you to overflowing, especially in the times of her darkest despair. And if you are willing to obey God and bask in His love, then by the power of His Spirit, you can muster that kind of love for your wife under any and all circumstances, even including her threats to quit and run in those darkest of times, and through that ongoing process you're re-created again and again."

-- John MacArthur (condensed and edited)

And men, it is not primarily for her that we are invited to do this, although it's described that way often, by words like "sacrifice" and "service," but the reality is that this is the way we get to receive the most and grow the most, by totally emptying out our selfish desires and expectations and letting ourselves be spiritually led and filled to the overflowing. In that place, giving what we think is everything costs us nothing and gains us the real everything. And our wives often surprise us and show us the way, if we would only pay care-full attention, especially during those times when she feels at the end of her rope.

And speaking of "the end of her rope," several people asked me yesterday if I'd seen the movie, "Revolutionary Road," so with the evening off (Anne had the kids at the pool) I watched it on cable, and I have this to say about it: "Joy does not live in Paris, and joy does not live on Revolutionary Road in America, and joy does not live in any fantasy or slavery place anywhere in this physical world, and joy does not live in a job or lack thereof, but instead joy lives (when consciously chosen) deep inside the human heart, right on the other side of the hell inside our tortured brains. And when I can sit in another's hell and love, I am transformed, and my brain gives up the fight, and there is nothing but profound peace."

Once again, one of my favorite images of how LOVE WINS:



The world really likes to tell stories of defeat, despair, doom, and utter hopelessness, suggesting that the right circumstances, or at least the absence of the wrong ones, would have changed everything. But I love to tell stories of hope, inspiration, love, resurrection, and ultimate triumph in the midst of any and all circumstances - meaning that circumstances are irrelevant. I am a passionate follower / servant leader / wounded healer in the raw and real revolution that is taking place inside all of us, and, just as a reminder, the battle is already won, folks, if we've chosen sides wisely.