Choose life!

“… and the only thing that I can feel and see from my unconscious and un-owned belief that ‘I suck at loving’ you is how much ‘you suck at loving’ me, and I will leave or hurt you for it (depending on which end of the human pendulum I am swinging toward), in whatever way I can find, feeling fully justified in my insanity.”

”and to the degree I abandon, compromise, forget, hide, or withhold my true self (who God made me to be, at the top of the pendulum) out of fear and loathing of first me, then you, I will suffer in this world – not that there won’t be pain regardless, but my prolonged, ‘stuck’ suffering becomes a choice I am making unconsciously, and to be free again, I must first wake up and become conscious (down the rabbit hole I go), where I get to accept and experience the pain, in all of its mystery and unmanageability, let go of the choice to resist and thereby ‘suffer’ it, and choose again.”

”The choice of freedom is of life, embracing its love AND its pain, its passion AND its God-given purpose, leading to bliss and deep connection. The choice of bondage is of resistance, lost in its own self-deception and distractedness, meaninglessness hiding out in a mask of calm conformity (even when one of so-called ‘success’), leading only to suffering and lonely death.”

Choose life!

Human and God's response to our brokenness

“One common human response to the experience of our brokenness is to attempt to fill our lives with all kinds of substitutes, whether these be work and achievement, alcohol and drugs, relationships and sex, or all kinds of miscellaneous material things and recreational activities. We tend to live in a society driven by various forms of addiction. The sad irony is that these ways of ‘numbing the pain’ do not achieve anything real and lasting. They tend to push us farther and farther from God’s truth. They’re usually just attempts to manage or deny or avoid the pain, when, in reality, they only feed our feelings of bitterness, self-loathing, and utter hopelessness. Addictive and avoidance rituals are inevitably self-defeating.

Another false ritual on our part is to believe that we can overcome suffering and death on the basis of our own self-corrective powers. Some self-help programs are built around the belief that all negative feelings can be eradicated if only we summon our own inner-strength to overcome them. This is less a strategy of denial than a strategy of self-illusion. It assumes that we can think or will ourselves beyond feelings of sorrow and brokenness as if such feelings were not integral to our human reality.

Another common but false ritual of coping with brokenness is cynicism. It often expresses itself in the form of rebellion and in the belief that there is no final purpose to our human lives. Frequently, on the basis of broken relationships, cynicism takes cold comfort in the conviction that all human ideals and commitments are only masks for selfish, self-serving acts, that human decency and fairness and true love are all just sick jokes. Cynicism denies the possibility of human fulfillment and love. As such, it is a strategy of delusion.

Constructive rituals begin with the acknowledgement that to be human is to change and grow, and that to change and grow is to move through many different life-experiences, both positive and negative (which are really neither, just human experiences). In order to become an adult, one must leave behind the things of childhood. To grow in relationships is to be constantly prepared to ‘let go’ of past ways of relating -- even past relationships themselves. It has been said with much truth that life is a series of ‘little deaths,’ a path of continually ‘letting go’ of what we have been in order to become what we are called and destined to be.

It is also said that to live is to change, and to live fully humanly is to change often -- or, if you like, to die to ourselves in order that our new selves will emerge. Sometimes it is only through an experience of loss and grief that we are able to begin -- or re-enter -- the journey of change and growth. In any case, the only positive way of coping with deep hurt and pain in our lives is through the ritual of acknowledgement and the strategy of learning to ‘let go.’ Here, we learn to surrender ourselves fully to the unsolvable mystery of life.”

-- Dr. Gerard Hall

”Dear God,
I am so afraid to relax and open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands and heart
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love -
unconditional and everlasting -
with no way to earn or lose it.
Please invite and teach me to receive.
Amen.”

-- Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

“Growth begins when we accept our own weakness; transformation begins when we accept our own death.”

-- Jean Vanier

Our deliverance and freedom is the gift He gives in response to our brokenness and accepted, admitted, and total defeat. Given our inherent limitations and penchant for self-destruction, it is a very worthwhile deal – in fact, it is a no-brainer
and a full-gainer.


So, let go of all “headier” matters, and "dive in" to the Great Mystery that is His arms.

We are not meant to “get things right” ourselves in this crazy human existence, but to fully and richly experience things together, to see where we can always change and grow closer, to keep learning more and more about the nature of God, ourselves, others, and the world, to acknowledge our tendency to cling to our knowledge as security and truth, and to learn to let go of that more and more, to dive into His arms with totally reckless abandon, once having learned that we can truly fly only in faith and complete surrender.

As in the “Alice in Wonderland” movie, which many will see and question, if not trash, and where for me the “vorpal sword” she wielded in the end represents the spirit of Jesus, our work is not to worry and fret about slaying our own dragons, but simply to learn to “hold the sword,” for the sword knows what it is meant for and what it is willing and able to do, if it is “called forth” in the hands of one who truly believes.

Redemption of human behavior

I don’t claim to understand human behavior at all (yes, that includes my own), although I’ve experienced and studied it intensely for a very long time, and with a very large number of people. I know I can’t ever really change another human being’s behavior (only choose my own) – in fact, I’m not sure I can affect it in any way, positive or negative, although that can be a very compelling concept and desire from time to time. However, with all that being said, I know I can create and hold a space for God to utilize and redeem it, starting with my own, and I’ve come to believe that that’s enough – in fact, that’s miraculously wonderful. Any other approach to understanding and relating to human beings is nothing short of totally exasperating.

I wrote the above, and then I took Heather to see the latest “Alice in Wonderland” movie, which the critics have already panned, because they say it’s basically Tim Burton at his incomprehensible worst, and do you want to know the strangest thing? Heather really loved it, and I really got it (what does that make me?).

So many of my female friends out there have at least a little bit of Alice in them, and I tend to be a rather twisted and whimsical combination of the White Rabbit, the Mad Hatter, the Cheshire Cat, and the Blue Caterpillar (which turns into a beautiful blue butterfly, leading the way, at the very end of the movie).

Yes, humanity can be truly crazy-making, whether you’re acting all polite and proper-like, well-mannered and all-knowing (the most insane of all in this world), or in full-out “tea and crumpets mode,” “around the bend,” so to speak, and if you can truly see this wonderful truth, it can make you feel really (and blissfully) insane in the midst of your crystal clarity.

The Mad Hatter: [from trailer] There is a place like no place on Earth (I think it’s on the way to the center of yourself) - a land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.
[picks up his hat]
The Mad Hatter: Which luckily I am.

Alice Kingsleigh: Have I gone around the bend, father?
Charles Kinsleigh: [with a smile and a wink] Most of the very best people in the world have, Alice.

Alice Kingsleigh: This is impossible.
The Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

Alice Kingsleigh: [as she is starting to believe, remembering her father’s statement] I dream up at least six impossible things before breakfast.

I relate to this, Alice, and feel the same way. It might be more than six, even. And people and the world keep demonstrating their utter craziness, and I keep serving tea, while mad as a hatter and smiling like a Cheshire Cat, waiting for the next “champion” (of their own life) to come along and dazzle me with their boldness, courage, and fantastic journey into freedom, where they learn that so much more is possible – more than anything that even our imagination can dream up.

Re-consideration

I am highly sought after for solutions to very difficult, if not impossible problems (even though I never have solved anything, for over 12 years now, and what kind of a marketing pitch is that?), at least that’s what it sounds like at first, but I am learning better every day. What I genuinely have to offer, for my own good as much as another’s, is silence, solace, and spiritual re-consideration, a kind of re-contextualization, where God gets to be God. My mind’s ears hear only cries for ending the pain, for fixing of the situation, but my spirit’s ears hear sighs for endurance of the pain, and learning of the deeper spiritual lesson. In this spirit – in the spirit of Silent Truth and spiritual reconsidering - I offer these little tidbits from a master of this distinction.

"The whole curse of the last century has been what is called the ‘Swing of the Pendulum’ - that is, the idea that Man must go alternately from one extreme to the other to find the answer, all while the Answer awaits. It is a shameful and even shocking fancy (this ‘flavor-of-the-month’ remedy thing); it is the denial of the whole dignity of mankind. When Man is alive, he stands perfectly still. It is only when he is dead that he swings all over the place (remember the pendulum diagram)."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in "The New House" Alarms and Discussions

"At the center of every man's existence is a bold dream. Death, disease, insanity, strife and struggle are merely material accidents, like a chipped tooth or a twisted ankle. That these brutal forces always besiege and often capture the citadel does not prove in any way that they are the citadel."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in "Sir Walter Scott," Twelve Types

"Idolatry is committed, not merely by setting up false gods, but also by setting up false devils; by making men afraid of war or alcohol, or economic law, when they should be afraid of spiritual corruption and cowardice."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in ILN 9/11/09

"Complaint or criticism always comes back in the form of an echo from the ends of the world; but silence informs and strengthens us."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in The Father Brown Omnibus

"A frustrating inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered; a bold adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in On Running After One’s Hat, All Things Considered

"The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in Chapter 5, What's Wrong With The World

"Love means loving the unlovable (in your ‘opinion,’ not in His ‘actuality’) - or it is no virtue at all."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in Heretics

"The whole pleasure (and purpose) of family and marriage is that it is a perpetual crisis."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in "David Copperfield," Chesterton on Dickens

"The riddles of God are more satisfying than the solutions of man."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in Introduction to the Book of Job

"The simplification of anything is always sensational."

-- G.K. Chesterton, in Varied Types

So, my friends, especially those of you who are reaching out for a fix to some dreadful dilemma, there is none (and this is NOT bad news, but extravagantly good), except to let the situation, the mystery, your Master, have you and inform you and redeem your experience and resurrect you for the next go-round. You will be so glad you did. Otherwise, have at the figuring out of a solution - gathering all the experts you can find, threatening and cajoling them into doing your bidding, until you tire and die from all the swinging. All of my life’s answers/solutions are being provided by Him (vs. figured out by me) the same way - after a certain very human amount of anxiety and strain, and then a very spiritually bold release and gain.

Relating and loving, His way

Creating a Home Together (Henri Nouwen Society)
Many human relationships are like the interlocking fingers of two hands. Our loneliness makes us cling to each other, and this mutual clinging makes us suffer immensely because it does not (because it cannot) take our loneliness away. But the harder we try, the more desperate and upset we become. Many of these "interlocking" relationships fall apart over time, because they become suffocating and oppressive. Human relationships are meant to be like two hands folded together. They can move away from each other while still touching with the fingertips. They can create space between themselves, a little tent, a home, a safe place to be. True relationships among people point to God, live in God. They are like living prayers in the world. Sometimes the hands that pray are fully touching, and sometimes there is distance between them. They always move to and from each other, but they never lose touch. They keep praying thankfully to the One who brought them together in the first place. They honor both the pain and the transcendence into bliss that is only possible through the pain.

Kahlil Gibran on Love
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not that you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your deepest desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


I am asked often about love, mostly from those who suffer in its painful unfolding and maturing, and the answer is always very hard to hear, because it is so damn unreasonable, and yet so annoying clear:

”Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends (and always wins).

-- 1 Corinthians 13:7-8

”Marriage (committed love) is about total nakedness, exposure, defenselessness, and the very extremities of intimacy. It is about simple, unadorned truth between two human beings, truth at all levels and at all costs, and it does not care what pain or inconvenience must be endured in order for the beautiful habit of truth to take root, to be watered, and to grow into full maturity.”

-- Mike Mason


Yes, it is meant to burn and crush you (the “you” that wants and/or needs justice, kindness, manageability, or pleasure) and then to birth YOU (the “YOU” that loves, simply because it must come alive and express itself, no matter what – it is all there is to do, to be)! It is so like the phoenix rising from the ashes of itself, and you get to climb on and take the ride, but only if you are courageous enough to endure the burning.

Overwhelm

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe and its needs. To be your own person is hard business. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes very frightened, especially as calamities mount. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

-- Rudyard Kipling

"Seeing that a Pilot steers the ship in which we sail, Who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be totally overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness. At the same time that we are not enough, we have access to unlimited capacity for peace."

-- John Calvin

"Next time you are feeling totally overwhelmed, remember the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, ‘The creation of a thousand forests is inside one acorn,’ and take that first step toward growth and transformation."

-- Catherine Pulsifer, in Overwhelmed

”Man has a limited biological capacity for deep change. When this capacity is overwhelmed by events and demands, this capacity often goes into a state of future shock."

-- Alvin Toffler

Life can occasionally get a little overwhelming. When it does, it feels compelling to speed up to keep up with it, when the only answer is to – you guessed it - s l o w d o w n. I am feeling it over these last few days. My cell phone speaker went dead on Wednesday (first sign of a coming series of changes), and then Anne replaced it with an iPhone (her help and support have been amazing, but so has the magnitude of my adjustment), and she also switched me to Microsoft Outlook on my computer, instead of Outlook Express, so that I can sync up my calendar, technologically speaking, and I am adjusting to that very slowly as well, and Jake’s first baseball game of his Little League season was that same night (a great night for him, but cold and exhausting for us spectators), and then I went back to see my doctor yesterday morning, only to discover that I have a new infection on the same finger (so I’m back on antibiotics), and my blood pressure is high (possibly as a result), so I had to have a stress test (and yes, it was stressful, under the circumstances), and then I learned that Jake had hurt his leg that morning and was hobbling, and Heather was home sick from school, and the phone keeps ringing without me knowing how to answer it and return calls very crisply, and I am exhausted from all of it, feeling out of control and spastic, and I feel myself desperately wanting to “keep up” with it all, but I can’t. My heart has said, “NO!” This is to notify you of my wholehearted intention and commitment to slow down instead, knowing that I have access to the infinite and He’s in charge, and I needn’t concern myself with all the overwhelm (whether circumstantial or purely internal). I’m breathing deeply again. I’m about to go walk the dog. I’ll put one foot in front of the other, into my day with peace.

Setting our hearts and minds, choosing our actions and schedule

"Inevitably, we all wonder when our time will end. Time is absolutely irreversible and irreplaceable. All of us are running out of it, and God says to actively redeem it (Ephesians 5:16; Colossians 4:5). In order to accomplish our goals, it is vital to get control of our time. But life is full of time robbers, scheduling conflicts, and unexpected events that demand the use of our time. Very frequently - in fact, every day - demands upon our time force us to make difficult choices among conflicting priorities and urgencies. When this happens, we wish we had more time, or that things would be scheduled with more consideration of our dilemma, or that we were more efficient and effective in setting our priorities and using our time. We often regret having waffled and procrastinated. Extra time is something only God can give. He 'expands' both us and our time, when we ask for and allow it. In the fifth commandment, He promises, 'Honor your parents, and I will lengthen your life' (Exodus 20:12). That's more time! If we make the right choices, putting things in their right order, He will expand both time and us and will smooth our paths so that we make the most efficient use of the time we have."

-- John W. Ritenbaugh, in "Simplify Your Life"

"The only way to nurture my relationship with Jesus is to set my heart and mind on the kingdom of God, which requires that I slow down to really see the truth. The fundamental building block of an apprentice of Jesus is living closely to Jesus in our ordinary, everyday lives. If we can learn how to spend an ordinary day with our hearts and minds set on things above (which requires that we recognize and put aside the things below), we will have learned one of the most important spiritual exercises in the Christian life. To build our lives on this 'rock,' we need to take ruthless control of our time, instead of letting time control us. The most frequent excuse for not growing in our spiritual lives is lack of time (we seriously tend to worship our own busyness). Most of us live at the mercy of our schedule (as a 'reflection' of our true value and worth), instead of being fully responsible for our schedule and its alignment around our 'apprenticeship'."

-- James Bryan Smith, in The Good and Beautiful Life

"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."

-- Sirius Black to Harry Potter, in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (as posted on Anne's facebook page)

"I'm starting to think that there is only one cause worth fighting for, and that is love."

-- Anne, before finding the above posting


The truth is so simple, but clearing out what is NOT it, and then executing on it and living in it, challenges us to the core.

The choice is very simple. It's "listen and obey," knowing that, as Jesus said, LOVE is the most important thing (which takes a total surrender of one's control and the very practical and reasonable other "responsibilities"), or else it's this:



"So if you're serious about living this new resurrection life, act like it. Pursue only the things over which Christ presides. Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, totally and breathlessly absorbed with the meaningless things all around you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around him — that's where the action is. See things from his perspective."

-- Colossians 3:2 (The Message)