On the nature and usefulness of criticism

"The man who is worthy of being a real 'leader of men' and a true 'servant of God' will never complain about the ignorance or incompetence of his helpers (for this is his golden opportunity to lead and serve), the hurtful ingratitude of mankind (for this is his opportunity to grow in steadfastness), nor the inappreciation of the public (what the masses most desire and appreciate is not often truth and wisdom). These are all a purposeful part of the great game of life. To meet them and overcome them and not go down before them in disgust, discouragement, or defeat - that is the final proof of maturity."

-- William Boetcker

"Some criticism will be honest and constructive, and some will be a reflection of the critic's immaturity and/or exhaustion, just like some praise you will truly deserve, and some will be insincere and patronizing. You can't let criticism or praise become too important to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in defending against the former and needing the latter."

-- John Wooden

"The highest order of mind and spirit is accused of error and folly, as well as the lowest. Nothing is thoroughly approved of by man but conformity and mediocrity. The majority and the powerful have established this rule and fix their fangs on whatever and whoever get beyond it either way."

-- Blaise Pascal

"Give no time or energy to finding fault with criticism or retaliating in kind. Instead, filter out the emotional intensity of the comment and sift through its real content, searching your heart and asking God for input, and then you can let it go."

-- Marvin J. Ashton

"The majority of people permit relatives, friends, bosses, and the public at large to so severely influence them that they cannot live their own lives or fully express themselves, because they so desperately fear criticism and need approval."

-- Napoleon Hill

"A successful man asks God to help him lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him."

-- Sidney Greenberg

"Everything I did in my life that was important and worthwhile I also caught some hell for."

-- Earl Warren

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools generally do."

-- Dale Carnegie

"He only truly profits from praise who sincerely values criticism."

-- Heinrich Heine


And here are a few of my own thoughts on this fascinating topic:

"The degree to which you resist or suffer a criticism often reflects the degree to which you believe or struggle with it."

-- Yours Truly

"Your friends and their affirmations are valuable; your enemies or others' criticism just as much. All are blessing."

-- Yours Truly

"The harshness and intensity of criticism often reveals more about the critic than the object of his criticism."

-- Yours Truly

The struggle to let go of my own bigness, importance, relevance

OK, so let's focus on this one for a little while, because this one really gets me in the heart, really hits me where I live:

"It is easier to have faith that God will support our big, global projects and supply our needs in the way of food and money to pay bills, than it is to keep a strong, hearty, living faith in each individual around us - to see Christ in him."

-- Dorothy Day

There are so many days when I wonder and worry about when things are going to start getting really big in my life, when I'm going to feel really important doing this, when my daily walk and humble work are going to start seeming relevant to the masses (how funny!). There are days I actually see it happening, and then my feeling about it actually gets WORSE, not better. That is so interesting! And then I read Dorothy's words and remember why. They bring a new Day (OK, I just couldn't resist.) While my mind wanders around wondering what, when, and where, God keeps putting the WHO and the WHY right in front of me, right in my face, right under my feet, in each precious moment, and with each unbelievably beautiful person I meet, and He says, "See my Son there, Jim? Isn't he (she) beautiful?" Sometimes this is very difficult. That is when it's most important and meaningful. I keep learning and remembering that the work is not for me to "make it happen," but to see and value what He is already making happen in every moment. And I'm left crying tears of joy and understanding. And in the gentle stillness of my deepening sense of smallness and irrelevance, I find such profound joy and peace, and feel His immense vastness, knowing that I am beloved and an essential part, and all need for identity, recognition, and status vanish, because I see Jesus everywhere, starting this morning with my Bosco walk, and then on to bagelatte with my amazing kids, and then in to visit the amazing folks at Living Water International, and then lunch with an angel, and then time with a young man who is like a son to me, and then time with another beautiful young man who is learning to become a leader, and then Love Machine, and then dinner with my family, and I realize that I am in heaven, and there is nothing else that matters. Thank you for bearing with my mind's struggles in my lifelong commitment to walk with Him and live in His Truth, and for also celebrating my ongoing re-discoveries and beautiful rememberances with me.

Living Faith

"Faith enables people to be people because it lets God be God."

-- Carter Lindberg

"Your goals must always be beyond your ability but within your faith."

-- Earl H. Merritt

"Intelligence must follow faith, never precede it, and never destroy it."

-- Thomas a Kempis

"Faith is not the same thing as belief - belief is passive; faith is active."

-- Edith Hamilton

"Faith is different from proof; the latter is human, the former a gift from God."

-- Blaise Pascal

"Faith is building on what you know is here, so you can reach what you know is there."

-- Cullen Hightower

"Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith, when you have acted on it - risking everything - is to actually see what you believe."

-- St. Augustine
"As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit."

-- Emmanuel

"A person will have faith in and actually worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will eventually out us. That which dominates our thinking, our imagination, and our desires will determine our lives, and shape our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful in what we place our faith and very deliberate about what we choose to worship, for what we are secretly or outwardly worshipping (which is not always the same as what we appear to be declaring) we are actually becoming."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson


I am focused with all my heart, mind, and spirit on living my faith - focused on the living and not the packaging and presenting and promoting - in a living faith in God, with all the horsepower supplied by Jesus and God's Spirit - and I am noticing more and more people becoming willing to actually risk everything they've known before to live this same way (vs. just knowing about or talking about it, while living something else) and it is both life-affirming and soul-invigorating. And when you get right down to it, why is it so important, really? Well, it's not like we're not all living a life and acting in ways that communicate our message and reveal our true faith and worship, regardless of what we're espousing. Knowing that our lives and actions truly communicate our faith and worship, I want to simply be clear about my truth inside and out, about where my faith and worship lies. I want to be careful to live my beliefs - to act on them enthusiastically and vividly - vs. the clever art of talking about one thing and living out quite another. Been there, done that, died there.

Pecking away at truth

“Ultimately, love is all that matters and is the only thing that's real.”

“You can't ever truly listen to another person and do anything else at the same time.”

“It is only because of what often seems like unsolvable problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.”

“We must be willing to fail and to appreciate the truth that often 'Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.'”

“Until you truly value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything genuinely useful with it.”

“The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.”

“Life is impossibly difficult. This is the great truth, one of the greatest truths—it is a great truth because once we see this truth, we transcend it.”

“We cannot let another person into our hearts or minds unless we empty ourselves. We can truly listen to him or truly hear her only out of emptiness.”

"Problems do not go away by themselves. They must be faced honestly and transcended or else they remain or repeat, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."

-- M. Scott Peck

Yesterday at Love Machine, M. Scott Peck came up on more than a few occasions, and I had such vivid memories of some of his brilliant insight and wisdom, and then I received a few S.O.S. messages last night that I just woke up to this morning that seemed to be custom designed, practically searching for some of this wisdom, so here it is.

The dynamics which make up our daily life are quite simple. We will have problems with each other and ourselves. These are all to be expected - in fact, they are necessary. We must face these problems head on, and wrestle with our deepest fears about ourselves, fighting through the very natural blaming, hurting, and rejecting of each other, and this will help us grow and mature. If we accept the process, we can find peace, even in our ongoing growth and transformation, and if we don't, we can always choose painful "stuckness." Ultimately, the goal is to get to the bottom of ourselves, where we can completely empty ourselves out to meet God and Jesus, and to let Him and him show us the way, to light the way, to lead the way, especially to be the way in our genuine and compassionate connection with others. There are no "short-cuts." There are no easy answers and quick fixes. The path is hard, and few take it. Mystery is way too mind-boggling for the masses. Most want management and mastery instead. There is no help for that. You must let it go to live and love. Love is real. Our stories, distractions, and defenses are not. We must let the mystery of it have us. We don't want to. We are addicted to our stories, our frustrations, and our drama.


But let go we must, or we die way before we die.

Guidelines for Service

Wow, I really love this, Ron! I don't know who you are, but I do. What a beautiful and resonating set of guidelines. My heart "tunes up" with these. They feel like my most comfortable walking clothes. I feel so right at home in your words.


"To try to serve others is to be caught up in many tensions, some that beset from without and others that beset from within. How can we remain energized, effective, and true? Here are some guidelines for the long haul:

Be beyond ideology, be both post-liberal and post-conservative.

Have an unlisted ideological number! Refuse to be pre-defined by any ideology of the left or the right. Like Jesus, transcend boundaries, constantly surprise, refuse to be classified. Don't be 'liberal' and don't be 'conservative,' instead be a woman or man of faith and compassion and let that take you down whatever roads it takes you, whether others see it as liberal or conservative.

Strive to incarnate both the kenotic and the triumphant Christ.

Don't be afraid to be nothing and don't be afraid to be everything! Christ emptied himself and refused to claim any status or to stand out in terms of public titles, distinctive dress, or in any triumphant display of power. But he is too the Christ who rose triumphant from the tomb and who needs to be proclaimed publicly, with color, pride, and display. He is both the Christ of silent, anonymous witness and the Christ of chanting, public processions. Honor both.

Be for the marginalized, without being marginalized yourself.

Walk a fine tightrope! Take your stand with the marginalized, even as you are known for your sanity and capacity to relate warmly and deeply to every kind of person and group. Be known for your radical stance for the poor even as you are recognized for the wide scope of your embrace.

Lead without being elitist.

Be led by the artist, but listen to the street! Be a leader, an aesthete, an artist, a creative person trying to lead others forward, even as you shun elitism of every sort and ensure that every kind of person is comfortable around you. Be a leader, but with empathy, without disdaining others' culture, sentiment, or piety.

Be iconoclastic and pious at the same time.

Don't be afraid to smash idols and don't be afraid to bow in reverence! The problem is that the pious aren't liberal and the liberals aren't pious. Be both, one doesn't work without the other. Great hearts hold near contradictory principles, lesser ones do not. Help smash the false gods that need to be smashed, even as you are unafraid to kneel often and anywhere in reverence.

Be equally committed to social justice and to intimacy with Jesus.

Learn to be comfortable leading both a peace march and a devotional prayer! Do not choose between justice and Jesus, between committing yourselves to the poor and fostering private intimacy with Jesus. Don't choose between interiority and action. Dorothy Day didn't. There's a lesson there.

Be thoroughly in the world, even as you are rooted elsewhere.

Live in a tortured complexity! Love the world, love its pagan beauty, let it take your breath away, even as you root your heart in something deeper so that the realities of faith also take your breath away. Carry the tension between having a hopeless love for the world and a hopeless love for things beyond it. Love the world as you would a lover with some quirks of character and weaknesses that cause you pain. Pray a lot. Cry when you feel it. Sneak off to a church as needed and walk in the sun regularly. The church has secrets worth knowing, and the world is also beautiful.

Ponder, in the biblical sense, by carrying the tension inside the community.

Eat the tension around you! Mary pondered, not by thinking deep intellectual thoughts but by holding, carrying, and transforming tension so as not to give it back in kind. Like Jesus, she helped take sin and tension away by absorbing it, like a water-filter that keeps the impurities, toxins, and dirt inside of itself and gives back only pure water. Be a tension-absorber inside all the communities wherein you live. Absorb the bitterness, the anger, the hardness, the group hysteria, the lack of reconciliation, as a water-filter might. Then drink wine with a good friend to rid yourself of your own toxins.

Help incarnate a deeper maturity.

Go into dark places, but don't sin! Stand up for the God-given freedom we enjoy, even as you model and show others how that freedom can be carried in a way that never abuses it. Like Jesus, who went into the singles-bars of his time (except he didn't sin), walk in great freedom, go into dark places, but go there not to assert human autonomy but to take God's light there.

Make love to the song!

Forget about yourself and how others react to you! A bad singer on stage makes love to himself; a more popular singer makes love to his audience; a really mature singer makes love to the song. Service is the same. Forget about yourself, your image, your need to prove yourself, and eventually forget about your audience too so that you and your song are not about yourself or about your followers, but about God."

-- Ron Rolheiser


And, since he mentioned her above, and since we are coming up on the 12th anniversary of Revolution Consulting, these feel both appropriate and synchronous:


"The greatest challenge of the day is: how to bring about a revolution of the heart, a revolution which has to start within each one of us?"

"There is plenty for us to do, for each and every one of us, working on our own hearts, changing our own attitudes, right in our own neighborhoods."

"It is easier to have faith that God will support our big, global projects and supply our needs in the way of food and money to pay bills, than it is to keep a strong, hearty, living faith in each individual around us - to see Christ in him."

-- Dorothy Day

And we wonder why things get inexplicably crazy ...


Romantic relationship between man and woman is not as simple as one man interacting with one woman. It is a chaotic clash between complex, multi-faceted beings, and the less we know about and accept and care for and have compassion for the various aspects of ourselves, the more confused, and often hurt, we will get in relationship with another complex, multi-faceted human being. The answer: Know God and His ways; know thyself and yours, while consistently choosing His. In the absence of this understanding and spiritual discipline, expect trouble, which will lead you to transformation.

So, once again, and with gusto:

"It seems that life is best lived in totally appreciative and 'comfortably conscious disturbance mode' (a paradox - in the form of a creative tension between two seeming contradictions), where we 'slow down and pay attention' - being fully awake and very thankful to be alive, being aware that we are constantly at work destroying ourselves when left to our own devices, and being on the lookout for God's signals for growth and new life."

-- Yours Truly, from a journal entry in 2005

When we can remember the complexities and dynamics of human relationships, and the need for God to shine light on them, we can then and only then forgive each other our trespasses, and move beyond them easily and economically, instead of stockpiling transgressions, which gets very emotionally toxic and extremely hard to heal. By the way, the pendulum applies again here, leading us to that Third Option Space, as it relates to romantic relationship (see attached).

Pendulum.ppt

Warning to the powerful, rich and successful - mostly to the complacent - about the perils of plenty

This message is not about how it's bad to be powerful, rich, and successful. It's more about how difficult it is to be those things and still be in deep and surrendered relationship with Him. It's more a loving warning about the strong seduction of complacency, not an attempt to make anyone wrong or to change anyone. I'm not making a claim that it's bad to be rich and successful; I'm just clear that it's extremely hard to do so in a way that remains humble and in God's Truth. Interestingly, it is also very hard to be powerless, poor, and incompetent, but at least under these more painful circumstances it is just a little bit more likely that one would cling only to God and His truth. Remember, the circumstances are not as important as the attitude one develops in the midst of and in response to them.


"In Luke's version of the Beatitudes Jesus offers a warning that is worth heeding, perhaps especially today, and it's for all of us who are caught up in our own happiness and security (including those who make sure to secure their own position before giving, which is a giving out of self, vs. a giving out of obedience):

'But woe to you who are rich,
for you have received your consolation.
Woe to you who are full now,
for you will be hungry.
Woe to you who are laughing now,
for you will mourn and weep.' (Luke 6:24-25)

Jesus warns them not because God does not accept rich, satisfied, or happy people but because rich, satisfied, happy people often think they have no need for God (beyond the theoretical idea of its 'goodness' and 'rightness' - i.e.; they like to be part of creating miracles, while crediting Him, but not so much of part of needing miracles, while dependent on Him).

Wealth, power, and possessions can easily numb us to our deep and real spiritual need for God (vs. the casually espoused, theoretical need) and tempt us to overlook the deep and real physical and emotional needs of others. The wealthy must be genuinely concerned for the poor (vs. giving as a form of ego gratification). Eating gourmet meals when others have nothing to eat should cause us to pause and reflect a bit. Pursuing pleasure in a world filled with so much pain creates uneasiness in those who follow Jesus. God is not against fine food or having fun, but we ought to think deeply about our decisions - about what and how much we buy, and what is truly important - because we live in a world of great and ever-deepening disparity (and that being true means we are part of the problem).

The solution is not to close out our bank account and hand it all to a charitable foundation or to stop eating or recreating. Jesus' stern warning is born of great love. He knows that we try to find solace and escape in our wealth and fun and the fullness of our bellies. And we confuse fleeting, overcompensating pleasure with pure joy. When all feels well in the kingdom of this world, and we feel fairly in control of things, we are tempted to think we have no real need of the kingdom of God, even while claiming to understand the danger and risk of that thought. When the wealthy, full, and seemingly happy genuinely share themselves with those who 'have less' (but maybe are 'more present to Him'), all find satisfaction in things that truly satisfy. And the humble, intimate, personal, and purposeful connection allows God to feed and nourish both, by perfect design."

-- James Bryan Smith, in The Good and Beautiful Life


"What are the 'perils of plenty'?

1. In plenty, we may forget God. This seems to be God's primary concern. 'When thou hast eaten and art full,' He warns, 'beware that thou forget not the Lord thy God' (Deuteronomy 6:10, 11).

2. In plenty we may forget the lessons of the wilderness. God says clearly that the wilderness was to teach the Israelites many lessons -- lessons about Himself, lessons about their own hearts, lessons about His laws, lessons about what is most important in life. 'Don't forget,' God warns, 'talk to your children about what you learned in the wilderness. Tell one another again and again.'

3. In plenty, we may grow proud. We may forget that increase comes first from God's hand, not from our own efforts, and are not necessarily based on favor (sometimes wealth is a test, more than a blessing). We may value ourselves excessively by what we have and then take liberties. We may unconsciously look down on others who have less.

4. In plenty we may grow greedy for more. Plenty of food and clothes, a nice house, a productive business all make us feel comfortable and secure. But the danger is that we lose the blessing of true contentment. Instead of being satisfied when we have enough, we may lust for extravagant excess. In that greed, we may refuse to share openly, only sharing what we do to appease a guilty conscience. We may push deals that are not honest or ripe, just to secure more, to feel and look more successful. We may treat the poor with a heavy hand, even while giving to them. What a lean soul we soon have when we love a full pocket!

5. In plenty we may lose sight of our spiritual neediness. God allowed the Israelites to be hungry to teach them that 'man doth not live by bread only' (Deuteronomy 8:3). Man has needs far deeper than his stomach. Our daily appetite is to remind us of those deeper needs. With a full stomach, we easily forget."

-- John Coblentz, in "Perils of Plenty"



"So don't let money tell you who you are. And don't let power tell you who your are. And don't let others, including your enemies, tell you who you are, and for God's sake don't let your own sins tell you who you are. Don't try to hide or to prove yourself by scoring more points. Establishing or protecting your worth has already been taken care of. All we have to do now is to fully express ourselves. It's difficult, and we're a lot more alive and awake and aware in our pain than in complacency. If your heart is full of fear and the need for self-protection, you won't seek truth; you'll only seek safety and security. But if your heart is full of love and its need for expression, it will have a limbering and humbling effect on the mind and will dramatically alter the essence and nature of your actions."

-- William Sloane Coffin, in Credo


"To be able to enjoy fully the many good things the world has to offer, we must be detached from them. To be detached does not mean to be indifferent or uninterested. It means to be nonpossessive. Life is a gift to be grateful for and not a property to cling to. A nonpossessive life is a totally free life. But such freedom is only possible when we have a deep sense of belonging. To whom then do we belong? We belong to God, and the God to whom we belong has sent us into the world to proclaim in His Name that all of creation is created in and by love and calls us to giving, gratitude, and joy. That is what the 'detached' life is all about. It is a life in which we are free to offer praise and thanksgiving, and then to give it all away freely, trusting in His daily provision."

-- Henri Nouwen Society, in "The Nonpossessive Life"


Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins — a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, "The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford — she gave her all.

-- Mark 12:41-44 (The Message)


Let us not forget that Jesus still sees the real treasury, no matter what our offering. He knows how much, and from what motives, men give to his cause. He looks at the heart and soul of it, and what our real beliefs and views are, in giving alms; and whether we do it as unto God, or only to be seen of men. It is so rare to find any who would not blame this widow for her impracticality, that we cannot expect to find many who will do like to her; and yet our Savior commends her, therefore we are sure that she did well and wisely. The feeble efforts of the poor believers to honor their Savior are commended in their radical act of sacrifice, whereas the splendid actions of the looking good unbelievers will be exposed.

-- commentary on the above passage