Light Emerging

So often we go through life, just trudging through one day after another
Feeling as if there is no meaning to life. One day is the same as the next.
Not really understanding "Why am I here?" or What difference can I make?"

The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood.
John 1:5


One starts to think "I have no idea where I have been or where I am going!"

The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going.
John 12:35
he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
John 2:11


There is hope for those who live in darkness and the drudgery of life

The people living in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the shadow of death
a light has dawned
Matthew 4:16

Yes, even amidst the madness and mayhem that we often hide in,

The Sun/Son Also Rises.

The "flow" experience

Yesterday was quite a day, and I found some stuff that captures my experience of it perfectly, as well as my attitude of what is routinely possible, from one outrageously named dude:

"My deepest desire is to discover how to live life as a work of art, rather than as a chaotic response to external events."

-- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

"A fulfilling, joyful, meaningful, and purposeful life is a profoundly individual co-creation that cannot be copied from a recipe."

-- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, 1990

"As long as we respond predictably to and solely based on what feels good and what feels bad, it is easy for others to exploit our preferences for their own ends. Our boldest, most joyful, and least predictable choice is to respond fully - with one's whole being - and unconditionally to what one deeply believes and is called to, resulting in the 'flow' experience."

-- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, 1990

According to the professor himself, his name is pronouced "chicks send me high." That is a little weird, but, oh well, he sounds like a wacky dude just like me.

According to his research, these 7 points describe how it feels to be in "the flow"?

Completely involved, focused, concentrating - with this either due to innate curiosity or as the result of training

Sense of ecstasy - of being outside everyday reality and societal norms and totally absorbed in higher purpose

Great inner clarity - intuitively knowing what is happening, what needs to be done, and how it is going

Knowing the activity is do-able - that the skills/capacities are adequate, and feeling neither anxious or bored

Sense of serenity - no worries about self at all, feeling of growing beyond the boundaries of ego - afterwards feeling of transcending ego in ways not previously thought possible

Timeliness - thoroughly focused on present, not even noticing the passage of time

Intrinsic motivation - whatever produces "flow" becomes its own reward (in my case, loving people)

Yep, this was it, a feeling woundrously sublime;
it was both radical and a raucous good time.
And ready access I have, of course,
because I am surrendered to the Source.
And even as I sound like Yoda,
there really is no secret coda.
So, instead of struggling to decide which way to go,
just trust, sit back, and relax into the flow.

Escaping the delusion of separateness

"The house of delusions is really cheap to build but really drafty to live in."

-- A.E. Housman

"By faithfulness we're collected and wound up into unity within ourselves, whereas we had felt scattered in multiplicity."

-- Saint Augustine

"A person experiences life as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. Our task must be to free ourselves from this self-imposed prison, and through compassion and love, to find the reality of Oneness."

-- Albert Einstein

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called—one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

-- Ephesians 4:2-6 (NIV)

It is so easy to believe that we are separate from each other - in fact, it is easy to believe that we are not only separate, but have been left, betrayed, abandoned. This fits our conspiracy theory beautifully, where we are convinced "they" are out to get us, out to destroy our peace, out to prove our unworthiness, out to strangle all signs of hope and love. We often will fight to the death or just leave anyone that dares to love us exactly as we are, with no holds barred and no agenda or needs for us to fill. We are more comfortable with bitter, blatant hatred than with grace and an unearned kindness that is the elegant, natural state of our Oneness. When we remember who we are and can see God's clear breathtaking Truth that is the ultimate, decisive Victory already won, and our Unity secured for all time, we are free to luxuriously relax into His grace and love and truly see each other with great compassion, familiarity, and warmth.

"And in the case of Oneness with Him, where my clear and primary goal is blissful eternal life (not just manageability of, maximum pleasure from, or pain management in the moment), that life is reachable right now, right where I am, because eternal life is life in and with God - in the ultimate Oneness - and God is where I am here and now. The great mystery of the spiritual life - that life of Oneness with God - is that we don't have to wait for it as something that we hope will happen later, when we die. Jesus says: 'Dwell in me as I dwell in you.' It is this divine in-dwelling that is eternal life. It is the active presence of God at the very center of my living (vs. me always seeking, striving, and/or suffering to find or connect with Him) - the movement of God's spirit within me - that gives me eternal life, starting right now."
-- Henri Nouwen, in Here and Now

It literally takes greater emotional and psychological work to separate than to unite, given union as our natural condition, but yet we continue to break ourselves away, to put ourselves out, to trash ourselves and others, because it lessens our burden of responsibility. We are more afraid of our responsibilities in belonging than of our suffering in being or feeling excluded. This is a learned condition of the mind, reinforced through life experiences in which we remain trapped in childish thinking, and that's all. Notice how much harder grace can be on us than another's judgment. We're used to criticism and judgment, and have an immediate retaliatory response ready. But grace unravels us, really pisses us off, really throws us for a loop. And what a delicious, delirious loop it is.

If you want to get really freaked out

Most of the latest labor-saving, super-connecting, work-improving technologies are designed to manipulate, to market to, and to someday even replace human beings as the co-creators of their lives, and to marginalize real human experience, especially real human intimacy, which is the very reason we're alive, methinks. And certainly "speeding things up" and "making us more accessible" to each other, in terms of giving us access to more great "stuff to buy," whether its merchandise or compelling ideas and stories, is only helping you make more poor choices faster and more conveniently. We can create disaster faster, while getting sicker quicker. Wow! How fun! Read the articles in these links and weep, and then carefully re-consider your own choices of entertainment or venue, remembering that there are right uses and unconscious abuses going on. Are we really so desperate for more of everything? I do this careful choosing every day, including right now, knowing that I'm only hypocritically using technology to communicate messages about the perils of technology, if I'm not also carefully and consciously s l o w i n g t h i n g s d o w n , to examine my motivation and participation in the madness.


http://www.newsweek.com/id/215542 (today's peril)


http://www.livescience.com/technology/090519-robot-fear-countdown.html (tomorrow's)



"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Today we live in a rapidly changing world, and we have so much new technology to show and tell it to us in every instant, while it happens. We have I-Pods, we have I-Mac's, we have I-Phones, we have You Tube, we have My Space, we have Face Book, we have Twitter, we have increasingly smarter cars and freeways, more intelligent buildings and intersections, in our frantically growing cities, and now we even have scientists replacing us with robots. We have rapidly changing morals to go with our rapidly changing experiences and worldviews. We have a world that is growing and moving constantly, and in the midst of this world, we have so many new and better communication tools, and yet we still feel so isolated and disconnected. We are so crazily busy but feel so unproductive; wildly entertained but so bored with life; surrounded by people and messages but so infinitely lonely. It is into this world where we ask the question, "What does the future really hold? Is the future really something I can believe in? Is it just going to be more technology, more speed, and less life? Is that my future? Is that what the future holds for me?" God speaks to His people and He calls us to a grander future. It transcends technology, it transcends changing moral norms, and it touches us in our lives, in our jobs, in our relationships, in our families, right where we are now, deep in our hearts. Here and now, God gives us a promise: "For I know the plans I have for you; plans for a hope and for a future." That is what God says to His people.

Whew! Thank God! Here's to deep and genuine human connection, in the slow, real, deep, and most meaningful form -face-to-face, one-on-one, slow and steady wins the whole human race. Rock on, dude!

Feeling my eldership down to my marrow

"... But as the beloved son, I am simply left to claim my full dignity and begin preparing myself to become the father, living only in His perfection."

-- Henri Nouwen, in The Return of the Prodigal Son

"When I look out at the breadth and depth of my community life, I realize that I am becoming 'father' in so many places, with so many amazing people, and the most important part of this realization is that it is not a 'pride' statement at all, but a 'privilege' statement that requires my continuous growing up into the dignity of, and accepting full responsibility for, my sonship."

-- Yours Truly

"Seemingly helpless or hopeless victims don't automatically deserve halos. Seemingly oblivious or oppressive leaders don't automatically deserve scorn. Faciliators, guides, or so-called 'helpers' usually want to protect those with less power or give urgent advice to those with more. But when conflict erupts, those with more power are equally vulnerable as those with less. They lack insight into what's happening. They are often confused and frustrated. They too need protection and some assistance from the facilitator who is functioning in the role of elder. One group is hurt and weakened because its members have been socially oppressed; the other is psychologically weak because its members are blind to their social position. Breaking stalemates depends on understanding the interrelationships between power and weakness, social position and psychological momentum. How will the elder in you develop such understanding? Eldership grows in part from having fully experienced these painful issues yourself, and having known yourself as BOTH victim and oppressor. It comes from feeling the pain of the victim AND seeing the weakness and immaturity of the oppressor. What remains when the fire of your own desire for revenge has burned low is a sort of soothing coolness that relieves and comforts everyone. It doesn't patronize. It expects only those who can to make the shift in consciousness from conflict to insight. Elders themselves have made the leap from one-sidedness to compassion, making true community possible for the first time."

-- Arnold Mindell, in
Sitting in the Fire; Community transformation through conflict and diversity

"You may have a hunch that entirely different levels and types of skill and experience are needed now. Perhaps you've even strangely felt that you have this capacity within you, waiting to be cultivated. Perhaps you suspect that you have gifts and powers that would not only apply to your personal life, but in a larger arena as well. Perhaps you are being called to 'eldership' (vs. 'leadership') and, if so, it's most important to find your unique style of 'eldership,' the one which is most you and fits best in your chosen communities. Here are some important distinctions for you to examine:

- The leader follows 'rules of order and worldy power'; the elder obeys only spirit.
- The leader competes and seeks a majority mindshare; the elder stands for everyone in every situation.
- The leader sees trouble and tries to stop it; the elder sees the troublemaker as a possible and possibly perfect teacher.
- The leader strives to be honest, right, and true; the elder sees and shows the paradoxical truth in everything.
- Leaders try to do better at their jobs and to get others to do better; elders help others become elders.
- Leaders strive to be wise; elders have no minds of their own - they surrender to the word of God and events of nature.
- The leader needs time to reflect; the elder takes only a moment to notice what's really happening.
- The leader 'knows'; the elder 'seeks' and 'learns' and 'grows in wisdom.'
- The leader 'tries to act' to force certain results; the elder 'lets things be' to seek deeper understanding.
- The leader needs a strategy and action plans; the elder studies and fully lives in the present moment.
- The leader follows a plan; the elder honors the direction of the mysterious and unknown river that is life.

(These last two are my own additions:
- The leader seeks the spotlight for himself and/or certain special others who "perform" well; the elder reflects the Spotlight and spreads it all over everyone.
- The leader seeks and struggles to find where His Story applies to his story; the elder seeks to find where his story is completely contained in His Story.)"

-- Arnold Mindell, in
Sitting in the Fire; Community transformation through conflict and diversity

My days of victimhood are long gone in fact, over a decade past. My days of superhero status ended a few years back, back when my Dad died, and when I began to see myself as Alfred in the Batman movies, instead of as Batman. My days of quiet eldership and gentle fatherhood have arrived, and I have been well-crafted by my Perfect Father for the role, and I can bask in it fully and give it away completely, with no need for anything in particular to happen in response. It fits like a well-broken-in, super-comfy old hooded sweatshirt.

Letting God be God

Henri, once again, you speak my heart so vividly. For those who want to see me be more brief in my journal entries, this one is fairly short and oh so rich and sweet. The cliff notes (even briefer), you might ask? OK, ... the minute we choose to follow Him, which requires that we receive Him, letting Him fully BE Him, then our human circumstances and feelings cease to be the driving force of our lives. Oh sh##, no! Stripped of our excuses, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! We are invited to feel them, to identify them, to share them, to honor them, as well as the feelings of others, while no longer being defined or limited or steered by them. Yes, as Janis once belted out: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." Henri has such a knack for explaining complex truths with such clarity, humility, power, and wisdom.

"One of the greatest challenges of the spiritual life is to genuinely and fully receive God's forgiveness. There is something in us humans that keeps us clinging to our confusion and darkness and prevents us from letting God erase our past and offer us a completely new beginning. Sometimes it even seems as though I want to prove to God and myself that my darkness is too great to overcome. While God wants to restore me to the full dignity of 'sonship,' I keep insisting that I will settle for being a 'hired servant,' needing to continually work for Him vs. luxuriating in the deep pleasure of simply worshipping Him. But do I truly want to be restored to the full responsibility of the son? Do I truly want to be so totally forgiven that a completely new way of living and loving becomes possible? Do I trust myself and the possibility of such a radical reclamation? Do I really want to break away from my deep-rooted, often unconscious rebellion against God and surrender myself so absolutely to His love that a brand new person can emerge? Receiving forgiveness for things fully acknowledged and laid out in the open and in the raw before Him requires a total willingness to let God be God and do ALL of the healing, restoring, and renewing work, rather than attempting to complete it myself. As long as I want to do even a part of that myself, or entrust it to other human 'experts,' I end up with painfully partial solutions, leaving me just another hired servant, and as a hired servant, I can still keep my distance, still revolt, reject, strike, run away, or complain about my pay, as my feelings drive me to do so, justifying it all by the inappropriate and totally ineffective 'sanctification' of my emotions. But as the beloved son, I am simply left to claim my full dignity and begin preparing myself to become the father, living only in His perfection."

-- Henri Nouwen, in The Return of the Prodigal Son

When I am ready to take up the full responsibilities of my so-called "sonship," as Henri calls it, my feelings are nothing but delightfully diverse incidentals - amusing, even while frighteningly intense, indicators of my remaining work of letting go of the old me. They are amazingly beautiful possessions vs. things that determine, possess, and run me (often right into the ground). And I need not dwell in or on them, only notice them and let them go; they will keep coming naturally and on their own to help me continue to understand even better that I have a new life awaiting my next conscious choice.


12-14So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is (to first notice it, and then) give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!

15-17And this resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and His beloved children. And we know we are going to get all of what's coming to us — an unbelievable inheritance! We are designed to go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!

-- Romans 8:12-17 (The Message)