Truly loving another transforms me.

"True submission to another never diminishes the one doing the submitting. It is neither a weak, trivial, passive, or mindless response to something done or said by another, nor is it a matter of 'sucking it up' to find a way to patiently 'put up with' or 'take it' from another. And true submission never diminishes the one being submitted to. It is neither a manipulation to make a subtle point of one's largesse, nor is it a clever matter of convenience or avoidance when feeling lazy or tired. Instead, it's a conscious choice of a willful surrender to Divine love and the transformation that ensues."

-- Jack Hayford

"But to love another as a person we must begin by granting her her own autonomy and identity as a person. We have to love her for what she is in herself, and not for what she is to or for us. We have to love her for her own good, not for the good we get out of her. And this is impossible unless we are capable of a love which 'transforms' us, so to speak, 'into the other' person, making us able to see things as she sees them, love what she loves, experience the deeper realities of her own life as if they were our own. Without sacrificing your 'agenda' with this person (what you need her to be), such a transformation is utterly impossible. But unless we are capable of this kind of transformation 'into the other,' while remaining ourselves, we are not yet capable of a fully human existence and fully loving experiences."

-- Thomas Merton, in Disputed Questions
(I changed all he's and him's to she's and her's.)

"Here's a simple way of summarizing sacrificial love: the Spirit-filled husband loves his wife not for what she can do 'for him,' but because of what he can do 'for her' out of what God does 'for him' when he asks. And it's not to simply 'please' her, but to 'inspire' her, to 'enliven' her with hope and an example, and occasionally to save her from herself in her darkest despair. That is exactly how real love works. Did you realize that love is an act of the conscious will, not a feeling? It is a commitment to the welfare of its object - a voluntary devotion. It involves sacrifice, consideration, chivalry, communion, courtesy, and commitment. It is precisely the kind of love you owe your wife as a natural expression when God fills you to overflowing, especially in the times of her darkest despair. And if you are willing to obey God and bask in His love, then by the power of His Spirit, you can muster that kind of love for your wife under any and all circumstances, even including her threats to quit and run in those darkest of times, and through that ongoing process you're re-created again and again."

-- John MacArthur (condensed and edited)

And men, it is not primarily for her that we are invited to do this, although it's described that way often, by words like "sacrifice" and "service," but the reality is that this is the way we get to receive the most and grow the most, by totally emptying out our selfish desires and expectations and letting ourselves be spiritually led and filled to the overflowing. In that place, giving what we think is everything costs us nothing and gains us the real everything. And our wives often surprise us and show us the way, if we would only pay care-full attention, especially during those times when she feels at the end of her rope.

And speaking of "the end of her rope," several people asked me yesterday if I'd seen the movie, "Revolutionary Road," so with the evening off (Anne had the kids at the pool) I watched it on cable, and I have this to say about it: "Joy does not live in Paris, and joy does not live on Revolutionary Road in America, and joy does not live in any fantasy or slavery place anywhere in this physical world, and joy does not live in a job or lack thereof, but instead joy lives (when consciously chosen) deep inside the human heart, right on the other side of the hell inside our tortured brains. And when I can sit in another's hell and love, I am transformed, and my brain gives up the fight, and there is nothing but profound peace."

Once again, one of my favorite images of how LOVE WINS:



The world really likes to tell stories of defeat, despair, doom, and utter hopelessness, suggesting that the right circumstances, or at least the absence of the wrong ones, would have changed everything. But I love to tell stories of hope, inspiration, love, resurrection, and ultimate triumph in the midst of any and all circumstances - meaning that circumstances are irrelevant. I am a passionate follower / servant leader / wounded healer in the raw and real revolution that is taking place inside all of us, and, just as a reminder, the battle is already won, folks, if we've chosen sides wisely.

Of what are you full?

And speaking of fullness:

"Fullness seeks expression. In us humans, such fullness expresses itself in words and deeds and in the consistency between the two. The quality of our words, the quality of our acts, and the consistency of the two expresses the abundance of our hearts. We are all 'full of it.' Judging from your words and your acts...of what are you full?"

-- Jim Street

So, we are all full of something - whether of acrimonious anger, or bellowing bluster, or cacophonous cackling, or death, despair, deviousness, and duplicity, or efficacious energy, or fear, or genius, or hype and hypocrisy, or inspiration, or jazzed-up junk, or kindness, or love, light, and laughter, or manipulative monkey-business, or nastiness and negativity, or orneriness, or powerful positivity, possibility, and profound purpose, or quirkiness, or ranting and raving, or good ol' fashion "shit," or thankfulness, or underhandedness, or vitriolic vengefulness, or wonder, or xenophobia, or yammerings about yesterdays, or zaniness, or some wild and crazy combination of the above, and our fullness constantly expresses itself, even without our conscious choice to express it.

Yes, whatever's in you just keeps pouring out. It can't help itself; it's a natural process. So, based on God watching you and knowing everything that's going on in there, and the fact that truly observant people are also surely aware, the qeustion really is: "Of what, do you suppose, are you full?" If it's not the stuff of your spirit's deepest intent, you might want to very consciously empty out the stuff you naturally fill up with as a human being and re-fill with that, because, once again, your natural condition is not emptiness, but fullness, and when you're not being conscious and responsible, it's usually fullness of noise and nonsense. And when you constantly empty out and re-fill with this Right Stuff for your life, you become like a free- and ever-flowing fountain of His love.



This is the fountain at Love Park in downtown Philadelphia - yes, my home town - with the Franklin Parkway, Logan Circle, and Art Museum with the "Rocky steps" that I love to run up when I visit in the distant background. Ahhhhh.....

The Integrated Life as a Leap of Faith

I sent this out several times in 2006, after it first came to me on New Year's Day of that year, and it feels appropriate to repeat it here and now - exactly three and a half years ago today - as a powerful expression of a pure and total faith walk. And as you read it, SLOW DOWN your reading to absorb the elegance of the design it expresses, as a reflection of the absolute requirement to SLOW DOWN your life and your thinking in order to stay present to the difficult choices that will confront you daily, moment to moment. Of course, you will make frequent mistakes, and that is how you learn - trial and error and try again and again and again. Mistakes are a natural part of the process, not an aberration. Living this way routinely requires changing your priorities, paying careful, detailed attention to the elegant progression of things in life's natural flow as it moves "from" Him "through" you, as He enriches and expands us from the inside out (notice how the way we do it, in our "automatic pilot" mode depletes and diminishes us from the outside in - as we struggle trying to go "from" us "to" some safety or satisfaction that may or may not include even a conscious thought of Him, maybe on Sunday, which is not the design). After practicing this new way of living for a prohibitive, unreasonable amount of time, it has become natural, if not automatic, and I now wonder how I even survived doing it my way - oh yeah, I don't think I did.

The Integrated Life - worth repeating (from October, 2006)

I sent this out on January 1st of this year, at a time when many, including me, were on vacation, and it has come up time and time again in so many conversations, so I thought why not send it out again, so here goes:

"Life is not about squeezing more frenzied and unconscious activity, more self-centered and worldly pleasure, more empty and meaningless stuff into your very limited amount of time here; life is about squeezing more real and present essence, more deep and true enjoyment, and more purposeful and lasting impact out of your unlimited access to God's power."

-- Yours Truly

I have had numerous people ask me over the years how to be more productive in their lives, how to get more done, but in a balanced way. The answer has always been counterintuitive, because it never addresses the realm of "doing more," but instead dwells in the realm of "being more," from which the most effective and productive "doing" takes place, naturally and with relative ease. And it is not a balance issue at all; it is one of integration (there's that word, again, Bruce). The secret is to engage life fully and completely, to constantly generate and re-generate it proactively, with full-out commitment and rigorous discipline, from the inside out, based on access to God's truth, vs. fearing and reacting to life, while complying with societal norms and conventional wisdom as the safest defense and most reliable survival mechanism - they simply aren't - they are the kiss of death.

It goes something like this:

First, get to know and learn to appreciate your Maker intimately, realizing just how BIG and truly GREAT He is. Breathe Him in deep, take a sunrise walk with Him, explore the beauty of nature with Him, hold hands and play with one of His precious children, minister to someone who is dying, hanging out where life is at its most raw and vulnerable, where it's fully at risk and hanging in the balance, where it's most appreciated, for He is the full meaning and Source of Life, and your greatest Guide to fully enJOYing the journey, and when you hear His voice calling you, instructing you, inviting you to do something - stop, listen, and obey, no matter what.

Second, appreciate the beauty and great gifts that are a healthy body, a curious mind, and a vibrant spirit. Care for them, feed them healthy food, protect them, stretch them, and, most importantly, enjoy them, being sure to never abuse, ignore, or poison them, ever. They are the essence of your capacity for co-creation with God and human productivity. When any one of these cry out for attention - stop, listen, and tend to them, no matter what (unless God's called first). Also, remember that the best way to truly love and honor this human "self" in life is to fully and completely love your God.

Third, if you are fortunate enough to have a partner, appreciate the beauty and great gift that is this other person. Care for them, feed them healthy, loving interaction, protect them, stretch them, and, most importantly, enjoy them, being sure to never abuse, ignore, or poison them, ever. They are your best and most reliable human support for tending the garden that is your life. They are the essence of your capacity for love and partnership. When they cry out for attention - stop, listen, and give it, fully and immediately, no matter what (unless God or your own health and well-being has called first). Also, remember that the best way to love another person is to fully and completely love yourself.

Fourth, if you are blessed with children, appreciate the beauty and wonder that they are. Care for them, feed them healthy food, protect them, stretch them, and, most importantly, enjoy them, being sure never to abuse, ignore, or poison them, ever. They are the essence of your capacity for boundless joy and patient surrender. When they cry out for attention - stop, listen, and give it, fully and immediately, no matter what (unless God, your health, or your partner have called first). Also, remember that the best way to parent your children is to genuinely love your partner, their other parent.

Fifth, if you are blessed with living parents and siblings, appreciate the beauty and great gift that they are. Care for them, feed them your acknowledgement and thanks for their crucial role in your life, protect them, stretch them, and, most importantly, enjot them and give them access to enjoying you, being sure never to abuse, ignore, or poison them, ever. They are the essence of your capacity for compassionate forgiveness and blessed thankfulness. When they cry out for attention - stop, listen, and give it, fully and immediately, no matter what (unless God, your health, your partner, or your children have called first). Also, remember that the best way to honor your parents and your family of origin is to live a rich, healthy, and happy family life.

Sixth, in your chosen communities (including church, neighborhood, non-profit affiliations, etc.), appreciate the beauty and great gift that they are. Care for them, feed them your presence and your available resources, protect them, stretch them, and, most importantly, enjoy them and give them access to you, being sure never to abuse, ignore, or poison them, ever. They are the essence of your capacity for unrestricted generosity and selfless service. When they cry out for attention - stop, listen, and give it, fully and immediately, no matter what (unless, of course, God, your health, your partner, your children, or your family of origin have called first). Also, remember that the best way to serve others and be served is to live a connected, healthy, and loving relational life; it is not about your money or resources, but about YOU.

And, finally, if you are blessed with meaningful, useful work to do to earn an income, appreciate the beauty and great gift that this is. Care for your work, feed it your presence and your passion for your life, protect it, stretch it, and, most importantly, enjoy it and give it your very best (which will be available only when working from the above to here - from the inside out), being sure never to abuse, ignore, or poison it (by bringing your life's chaos to the office and other people), ever. It is the essence of your capacity for creativity, making a difference in the world, and the healthy and self-sustaining abundance that comes with these. When it cries out for attention - stop, listen, and give it, fully and completely, no matter what (but only from the foundation of a properly cared for and cultivated life - you cannot truly give what you do not genuinely have). Also, remember that the best and most reliable way to "perform" at work, in a way that makes a difference and creates and sustains life over the long haul, is to live a full and healthy personal and relational life that truly works according to God's plan (otherwise, you will be spending all of your professional time cleaning up messes that you yourself caused or colluded in causing, as a result of your attempted escape from your unworkable home life - remember, unworkability produces more unworkability, even while also "paying well" - which, over time, actually adds to the unworkability).

As human beings, we often tend to focus our energy from the bottom up in the above, straining to perform and have things look good on the outer edges before attending to the internals and, when doing so, we inevitably collapse under the weight of outside-in, scarcity thinking. Life is designed to be lived from the inside-out, under God's abundance principle, where He is the fountain (or the pitcher shown below) from which all of life flows abundantly, and the more we align with and allow that, the more enjoyment, impact, and power is available to make a difference with our lives.

"Fear of love" examined

"How many times have I been disappointed in or a disappointment to someone who has risked themselves to care for me? How many times have I only felt fear (if not sheer terror) of the genuine love that was possibly being offered? How many times has a feeling of naked vulnerability made me downright hateful, defensive, even cruel to the one who dared make me that uncomfortable? How many times have I asked, even if only in my head, 'What can you do for me?', while unconsciously setting myself up to be disappointed (and them up to surely fail me), so that my suspicions about love could be proved correct once again, that it is never reliable and, in fact, never, ever comes through. How many times have I feared to be loved because I felt too insecure to be truly worthy of another's deep affection, assuming the worst of anyone who would dare to try to be my friend or lover, because I assumed the very worst of myself? How many times have I overlooked (or even intentionally trashed or vandalized) the beauty that real friendship or love has to offer because of my doubts and my resentments that I've held onto with a vengeance since what seems like many lifetimes ago?

When I finally answer these questions, I will have acknowledged that love held and kept me in the palm of its hand, warm and gentle, seeing me through tragedy and despair, hopelessness and anger, paranoia and dread, blood and tears, death and what I thought life to be. If I can only accept that love has been, is, and always will be, even without my permission, maybe then I can begin to show the love that has been shown to me in this life."

-- Kimberly Bock

There is nothing more terrifying and confronting than genuine, unconditional love. It provides no resistance to our defenses (our being attacked, disliked, disrespected, hated, judged, made wrong, ridiculed, traumatized, used, etc. "waiting to happen") and needs none of our performance shenanigans (quite often all we know how to do), thereby shockingly leaving us dealing only with our bareass, naked selves, and God, and who can handle that!?!!??!!!???!!!!

"Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds."

-- Shakespeare

"Love is not meant to be suffering; it's just that you will suffer it, rather than enjoy it, until you finally let go of your mind's attachment to fear - past your pain and the pain you feel is being or will be inflicted by other people - and then just go for the ride freely, fully surrendered to it, no matter what might happen."

-- Dan Millman, in Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Paradox of fixation on figuring out and/or fixing

"Life is about learning to love perfectly (an impossible, yet most worthy undertaking that requires a total surrender of one's will), not about being perfectly loved (an impossible, totally unworthy desire that is impossible to fulfill through one's will), the emphasis on which produces nothing but anxiety, discontent, and very shabby, if not scary, loving."

-- Yours Truly

"Nothing in life or in relationships (as opposed to stuff and the world is 'fixable' from within an attitude of 'needing it fixed;' it naturally becomes the next perfectly wonderful thing from an attitude of appreciating, celebrating, and embracing it exactly as it is."

-- Yours Truly

"A peaceful man never frets or worries about his place in the world, but just slides into it by the gravitation of his nature, and swings there as easily as a star."

-- Edwin Hubbel Chapin

"When you find total acceptance and peace for and within yourself, you become the kind of person who can accept and live at peace with anyone."

-- Peace Pilgrim

"We cannot change anything until we fully accept it. Condemnation never fixes or liberates, it only oppresses."

-- C.G. Jung


"What you chase eludes you; ...



when you accept, it comes." (Zen saying)




Sure, fix your aquarium, your bike, your cabinet, your garage door, your laptop, your kid's tree house, your watch, whatever else you own that needs to function a certain way to be of any value, but by all means don't waste your energy trying to "fix" your circumstances - i.e.; the situations you find yourself in - whether they be with your children, your co-workers, your finances, your friends, your parents, your prospects in life and love, definitely not your spouse. Your hardest work there is to totally accept things as they are. And don't mistake acceptance for approval. It doesn't mean condoning or liking; it means "allowing to be what it is," so that it can become what it is becoming. It means trusting that the things beyond you are beyond you for a reason, that they belong to Him, and that more is happening than you could possibly know and/or understand. It means if you really want a closer look, if you'd really like to understand, then stop trying to make something happen that suits you, or trying to avoid or hide from something that doesn't, so that you can see what is happening that totally suits Him. It will bring you peace, even if with a little puzzlement, or befuzzlement.

Give us today our daily bread.

9"This, then, is how you should pray:
'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread.
12Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'"

-- Matthew 6:9-13 (NIV)

"Living on manna is a wonderful, yet frightening, journey on which we learn to trust God for our daily provision. It isn’t a journey we ever fully complete. It is an ongoing daily journey of praying again and again, 'Give us today our daily bread.' My wife and I had been in ministry just long enough to learn a few things and not long enough to learn what we needed to know most—that we didn’t know anything. . . .

And where the most difficult emotional decision comes into play is in the question, 'Do we trust God with tomorrow?' Can we really believe that just because He has provided for us today, He is going to come through again in the morning? After all, our very lives are on the line here! If God doesn’t come through, we’re going to starve and suffer terribly.

And so the temptation becomes real and vicious. We reason that it is wise to gather as much as we can, just in case God fails us. We enjoy provision. But we detest daily provision. We love it when God pours out so many blessings on us that we don’t have room enough for them (see Mal. 3). We just don’t like it when He pours out those blessings one day at a time.

This is at the heart of Jesus’ instructions. Pray for the ability to trust the Blessing Giver more than the (naively perceived) blessings. Enjoy the blessings. Praise God for the blessings. But never replace your trust in the Blessing Giver with a trust in the blessings you think you understand. This whole spiritual journey is about learning that we are safe regardless of the circumstances. We must learn that the miracles of God come in daily portions and that we don’t have to have what we need for tomorrow to know He is going to take care of tomorrow. We must learn the routine of trusting in daily provision. And trusting in God’s daily provision means refusing to focus on accumulating and then placing our greater trust in our reserves.

We are all severely tempted at this point. We discover God’s will for our lives and look at the risks involved. While we may never admit it, we ask the honest question, 'What if God fails me?' 'What will I need to stay safe if God doesn’t come through?' And then we start gathering the resources we need for our backup plan. And when we have finally gathered enough, we look at God and say, 'OK, now I’m ready!'

The problem is we aren’t really usable when we need a plan B to be safe. God can’t use us until we are willing to follow Him into the unknown. In order to use us to transform the world around us, God needs us absolutely dependent on Him. He needs us to let go of whatever crutches we are leaning on and shift the weight of our trust onto His faithfulness. Jesus is calling us to pray for a kind of faith that doesn’t need a pile of reserves before we are willing to begin the journey.

Whatever journey God is calling you to, waking up to His daily provision will either be terrifying or invigorating. A part of us says, 'Wow! Wouldn’t it be amazing to wake up and find manna on the lawn? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to live every day experiencing the miraculous hand of God?' And yet, we must remember that to live that way also means being willing to go to bed at night with nothing left in the proverbial cupboards. The resources for today, as precious as they were, are gone. In the end, our money, our prestige, our energy, our abilities—all of it means nothing. And we have to go to bed tonight making a decision of faith: 'Do we trust God to come through again tomorrow?'

If we can finally break through to this spiritual victory and savor the prayer, 'Give us today our daily bread,' then the morning becomes something to anticipate rather than to dread. We don’t walk out the front door wondering whether God can come through again. We walk out expecting to see what new and exciting approach God will be using today to meet our needs. It changes the way we deal with adversity and scarcity. We are no longer at risk. We may not know how God is going to provide, but we do know He is going to do it.

If we are going to be able to make this spiritual transformation to living on God’s daily provision, we have got to make up our minds about what we want from God. How many times have we said things such as, 'If only I could see a miracle, I would believe,' or 'God, just show me a miracle and I will follow You.' We all want to see the miracles of God. We just don’t want to need the miracle. We need to recognize one of the major areas that keep us from truly embracing God’s provision: What we really want is to be entertained by the miracles of God when what we need is to be transformed by them.

We enjoy watching God perform miracles. We just don’t want to be the blind man or the leper. We want to stand on the sidelines where there is no risk. But we don’t want to be the lame man who lived for decades begging for food. We want to be a spectator in the grandstands cheering our team to victory. But we really don’t want to know the pain of need.

But Jesus is calling us to accept God’s design for our spiritual transformation. We can be entertained on the sidelines, but we can only experience God’s miraculous power when our absolute need for Him is revealed and we cry out for help. To pray for daily bread is to welcome every part of the journey God leads us through—even the painful parts. Those are the times when we look with expectation: 'God, what are You going to show me through this? How are You going to transform me? How will Your miraculous hand provide a way of escape here? How is my faith going to be stretched during these days in the wilderness?'

We must learn dependence for today. We must learn to trust God for tomorrow. And in this 'daily bread' kind of faith, we must learn that our need is simply the pathway through which God will deliver His miracle. If we are to experience His hand, we are going to need His hand. And so regardless of the kind of blessings He pours out on us, we must choose to trust God, not the blessings. We must refuse to allow our trust in God to be determined by the abundance of the provision. We must also refuse to curse God because we are in want. Instead, we must embrace our need for God, no matter how He delivers His blessings."

-- from "Living on Manna; The Call to Daily Dependence"

Man, do I know how to hoard things and protect myself. It was a well-learned survival skill, and it served me well as I gathered the things I would surely need after I destroyed everything doing it. I actually spent the first 20 years of a pretty impressive career working on that. My motto was simple and totally rebellious: "On Him, there's no time for waitin,' while I be busy accumulatin'." While on my knees in the total defeat and devastation that is inevitable (whether figurative or literal) when following that course in life, I heard Him say, very gently and supportively, "Are you done yet, Jim? Are you ready to start again, to do it a different way? Only this will be My way, that I designed to grow and teach you, to lift you up from the world's confusion and give you a life beyond your wildest dreams." And He wasn't kidding. And yes, some days can feel like this is what I'm getting to eat:



But that is not the truth of it; it is simply how it can occasionally feel to a poisoned mind, once I start the "looking around and comparing" thing, which is a real societal sickness. But when I simply listen and obey, waiting in joyful expectancy on Him, it's usually seen and received much more like this:



like yesterday, and thank You so much.