The true test of faith

"It is often difficult to actually live according to one's conscientious, well-thought out convictions and statements of faith; especially when these convictions go against the commonly accepted norms in the society. In general, the majority in any society pursues comfort and pleasure and thus whatever is done for them, as long as it does not harm other people's similar pursuits that are equally understood and accepted by the society. Apart from this, in a society there are generally accepted norms of religious and ethical behavior, as well. Although these norms originate from the human urge for the truth and real regard for the higher values like unselfishness, compassion, control of senses etc., the true spirit behind them is often forgotten due to worldly desires over the course of time, and they can degenerate into meaningless, often ridiculous customs. A person aspiring to live a life directed to the realization of the ultimate Truth, or in other words, a spiritual life driven by faith, has to develop courage to resist the powerful onslaught of two opposing forces:

A. The force of the very human and natural pleasure-drives in the mind; these become crystallized into force of habit.
B. The established social forces which do not understand (nor are they very tolerant of) this kind of spiritual life and feel threatened when someone insists on living like that, no matter what.

This courage has to be distinguished from the courage that one has to show to fight with other competitors in the pursuit of pleasure or worldly objectives. It also needs to be separated from the dare-devilry which people undertake to be famous or just because of the ignorance of the results of their actions. Spiritual courage is an outcome of the tremendous love for the Truth of God which outweighs the knowledge of the imminent dangers and struggles in following this life."

-- I no longer can find where I found this, but I seriously like and relate to it.


Spiritual Courage (Henri Nouwen Society)

Courage is usually connected with taking risks. Jumping the Grand Canyon on a motorbike, coming over Niagara Falls in a barrel, or crossing the ocean in a rowboat are called courageous acts because people risk their lives by doing these things. But none of these daredevil acts comes from the center of our being. They all come from the desire to test our physical limits and to become famous and popular. Spiritual courage is something completely different. It is following the deepest desires of our hearts at the risk of losing fame and popularity, even acceptance. It asks of us the willingness to lose our temporal lives in order to gain something even greater.


"Faith is not just hoping for (based on knowledge of and desire for) God to do something miraculous, or at least positive (meaning, 'consistent with our self-centered desires'), on our behalf; it must include volition (a cognitive process of committed action), in alignment with the clearly revealed (and totally transparent) will of God."

-- Jerry Wiles, stated at a morning devotional at Living Water International

So, in my own words, faith is not true faith without aligned, consistent action, and that is the hardest thing, especially when the world scoffs at such a notion. It takes great, if not insane courage to walk in faith, acting consistently with what you Know to be so. Hollow hoping (i.e.; wishful thinking), while claiming to believe in something supernatural (as a mental function of "trying to look good" within a religious setting) is not quite it, although it's a compelling compromise, this straddling of the fence in a fumblingly futile, yet totally societally acceptable way. To walk in true faith literally risks one's acceptance in the world, even possibly in one's church, because the world has figured out how to consume and absorb religion (and all verbal and organized, programmatic religiosity) and make it its own, so with God, ... truly, ... "yonyown."

Don't leave the wounded behind.

"God's best soldiers are grown in the fields of affliction (and rampant error)...and as I'm learning...again and again...don't leave the wounded behind...even if they fight you...your are a true friend...and some people just don't (or can't) get that."

-- affirmation from a friend

This was my favorite of many really interesting responses to yesterday's message on failure in loving. I think that subject hit a chord with many. As a result of this well-timed and inspiring wisdom, I have this to say to anyone out there who has ever felt damaged by, disappointed in, disconnected from, or disenchanted by me or my love for them, in all of its perfect imperfection, but who still feels desperately hurting, isolated from all encouragement and support in their lives, and too wounded to ask for help: "I am here for you and love you completely, and I would lay down my life for you, even if I have hurt you before in ways I couldn't see or understand at the time." In other words, even if I am or have been a totally unintentional source of some of your pain (friendly fire, so to speak), I would gladly circle back and lend a helping hand, if needed, and we all need each other way too much for hurt feelings, pride, or resentment to get in the way of His plan for our total unification. There are days when I need this, and I am learning to ask for it when I do, and there are many days I stand ready to provide it, and will walk a very long way to do so, even if I've been totally exhausted on the battlefield.

This feeling reminded me of a message from two years ago about the impossibly difficult, yet essential nature of love:


Building lovers out of the fire of hate and resentment (October, 2007)

"Let me say, at the risk of seeming ridiculous, that the true revolutionary is guided (even amidst the chaotic mess) by great feelings of deep love."

-- Che Guevara

"Just as 'believers' are a dime a dozen in the church, so are 'activists' in social justice circles nowadays. But true 'lovers' are hard to come by. And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of - lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, knowing them deeply behind their masks, and who actually know the faces and hearts of the people behind the issues they are concerned about. We are trying to raise up an army not simply of self-righteous street activists but of genuine lovers - a community of people who have fallen desperately in love with God and with suffering people everywhere, starting right here in our own midst, and who allow these difficult relationships to disturb, rattle, and transform us."

-- Shane Claiborne, in The Irresistible Revolution

"Harsh judgement, while we're swept up in our bitter self-righteousness, actually feeds the evil that is attacking our brother or sister, and it is spurred on by the pride in our own hearts. But humility births intercession that responds to the needs of our brother or sister by 'becoming the solution' to his or her problem through prayer saturated in redemptive love. Redemptive love is radical; love that is not based on experiences, but on the unconditional love of God. This kind of love is revolutionary, in that it is calling us to overturn our own ego's conditions, expectations, and needs in the matter. He is calling His people to be radical, revolutionary lovers. Radical, revolutionary love destroys the works of darkness in the lives of others. It causes us to love in spite of how we are seen or treated! Radical, revolutionary love is simply loving as Christ loved, who gave His life for those He loved. 'Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends' (Jn. 15:13). This kind of love responds to offense with redemptive intercession, not with accusation or judgement. It does not take offense personally, but looks past the faults of others and sees their needs, compelling us to become a part of the solution, not the problem. This is the 'greater love' that God is calling us to walk in. This is the radical, revolutionary love that God had for us that moved Him to send His only Son to redeem and save our lives. And surely Jesus came to save the world, not judge it (see Jn. 12:47). We are called to do the same in our own worlds!"

-- Victoria Boyson

It is time to answer the call most emphatically, knowing we will not get it right, and we will likely make fools of ourselves. And what a blessing and joy to be a fool for love. I share this message with great encouragement, enthusiasm, and joy, and on behalf of all of us who sometimes feel called to judge first, and love second, and only as an often fake and mustered-up feeling so as to check the box of "looking good." Leading with our egos, and the angry bluster and puffed-up pride that generally characterizes them, is death for all. This is not an invitation to fake it so as to look good, pretending there is no ego, while faking kindness, selflessness, all while seething inside. No, that is a sick joke that never works. The answer: Die to your ego in the inner revolution best described as "self-crucifixion," where your anger and pride is offered up in all of its hot, steaming stench as a holy sacrifice to God, love, family, and friendship. Don't fake love, or be overwhelmed by hate; instead, BE LOVE as a phoenix rising out of the ashes of your "hate burned down," for all to see. Expect to be misunderstood; expect to be resisted; expect to surrender; expect to be transformed through your continued willingness.

The blessing of failure

Yesterday I got a healthy dose of failure, of being told in one case, and in no uncertain terms, that I had let a person down, and in another case that I had clearly not done it right and am therefore "untrustworthy." That was a hard one for me, and yet it blesses me beyond words, reminding me once again that this is not a "'winnable" game (and I am addicted to winning) - this ridiculous adventure of loving people in the midst of their agony as they wrestle with God. It causes me to stop and re-examine my relationship with "failure" ... and with "success," for that matter. One is always planting the seeds for the other, it seems, and how beautiful is that crazy thing. So here is a review lesson for me from this time last year, for this dedicated student in a lifelong and ongoing remedial training program on what it is to truly love.

We are always being blessed.

We are always being blessed. This is a true statement. Life is an extravagant blessing - if we are alive and breathing and walking this earth with others. Everything else is added experience in which we can take root, learn, grow, and bear fruit. What society calls “success” is no big deal, not really a special blessing (not any more than "failure" is), nothing special, simply a learning experience. "Success" and/or "getting it right" is not the blessing or reward for any effort or gesture; the learning experience is. "Failure" and/or "getting it wrong" is not the curse or punishment for any botched attempt; it is a blessed learning experience, if we find the capacity to see it as such. When we lock these "societal distinctions" into our minds as one thing or another, they blind us, becoming curses and heavy burdens, even if we are deemed outrageously "successful." The richest blessing in life, by far, is an appreciation of God and a willingness to bring everything to Him for explanation and guidance and support. When we are doing this, worldly experiences are nothing more than events to share and examine with Him.


Dear God:

Please protect people from me when I start to see them merely as performance metrics, measuring the so-called results of my "efforts" in their lives, whether I or the world deem them as either failures or successes, and please protect me from taking myself or the words too seriously in the face of either "failure" or "success" in the daily living out of my mission. And thank You for being my sounding board for all of it, because, after all, I am clear once again that my intimate communion with You is the whole point of all of it. Please hold me as I stick my head and body into the wind once again today. Remind me of the beauty of my harrowing suspension between agony and ecstasy, between chaos and peace, between craziness and sanity, between death and life, and remind me of the reason for doing this every day. Some days, when the winds are howling, and I've lost perspective in their constant scream, it can get very hard to remember.

Amen.



Facing suffering that feels like the vastness of
the churning ocean, where leaning into the
intense winds of its despair, I certainly
expect to either fly or die, but He
calmly holds me there, until
the smile slowly re-
appears on my
weathered
face, ...

And then I see something more like this,



and I remember, that God has invited me
to play, remembering that He has me,
and in that embrace I can't fail,
even when I slip and fall.

The real purpose of conflict - life is not just about being nice

"Just like fire in the wilderness, the fire of any conflict between two people is designed to cleanse, refine, and purify - and to use up ALL of the available 'fuel' in the process (which, in the realm of relationships, is often in the form of animosity, avoidance, bad assumptions, bad chemistry, undeserved and unfair contempt, criticism, and cynicism, attempts to dominate and/or avoid domination, lame excuses and laziness, ugly gossip, harsh judgment, manipulation, pettiness, etc.), burning the relationship down to its pure, highly refined essence, which is always clean, healthy, resurrected love and the unlimited possibility of new life."

-- Yours Truly

"Being 'genuinely' nice flows naturally from being 'complete,' a condition in which there is nothing left of signficance to be done or said between two parties, and 'complete' is the natural result of the 'resolution' or 'transformation' of inevitable conflict. 'Fake' nice is neither real, nor nice, with the unresolved, or even unstated, conflict being leaked irresponsibly through one's often unconscious, non-verbal communication, which happens to be way more 'communicative' than one's verbal expressions. 'Fake' nice is often a very sneaky control mechanism or thinly veiled manipulation."

-- Yours Truly

"I used to think that being (or at least pretending to be) nice and behaving inoffensively was the same as loving people. Now I know it isn't. Love is the most immense unselfishness, and it is so big and so rare I know I've never touched it, and I don't know what would happen if I did. I think I would have a very hard time looking love squarely in the eye."

-- Florence Allshom

"The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed. It is just these intense conflicts and their conflagration which are needed to produce valuable and lasting results."

-- Carl Jung

"Conflict is not calm, is not fun (for most, at least), is not neat, is not nice, is not pretty, but it is necessary for true intimacy to grow over the long haul."

-- Yours Truly

"Spoken or written words don't mean nearly as much as the energy from which they're chosen and languaged."

-- Yours Truly

"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."

-- William Ellery Channing


And here are a few supportive writings from some brothers on the journey, just to further elucidate/emphasize the point.


CONTROLLING OTHERS WITH NICENESS

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

I like to think of myself as a "nice guy." I like to think of my friends
as "nice people." I like to think of my parents as "nice." Indeed, my
mother was so nice to me, I felt guilty every time I became angry
with her...which is precisely the point of this column. Being nice can
be a way to manipulate and control others through provoking guilt in
them if they ever feel angry with you.

It is a very rare person who does not find it extremely difficult to be
angry at such a nice parent or grandparent. After all, they are
manipulating with such "caring" or "concern" for others, it seems
almost sacrilegious to dislike them or reject their controlling
involvement in your life. It takes almost expert interpersonal skills
to be guiltlessly confrontational with somebody who is "only trying to
please" you.

Obviously, being nice can have great beneficial effects in our
interpersonal relationships. Others usually benefit from being treated
with nice consideration. The givers of the world are invaluable in
making our lives more pleasant and satisfying. It is only when their
gifts are paired up with expectations about our responses to their
giving, that "niceness" becomes manipulative. We have all
received "gifts" from nice people and then felt obligated to return the
favor. We've all benefited from the niceness of others and felt a
twinge or more of guilt when we took what they offered and never
gave them anything in return.

People learn to control with niceness as a way of getting others to
meet their needs rather than meeting those needs themselves. They
honestly believe that if they are nice enough to us, we will do, or
respond with what they want from us. For the manipulatively nice
person, the underlying emotion is fear or shame. Fear that they are
not able to be self-sufficient in fulfilling their own needs, or
ashamed they themselves have wants or needs at all.

When a child is told, "you ought to be ashamed of yourself," he takes
it literally and feels that what he wants or needs at the moment is
totally unacceptable. "Nice boys don't hit." "Nice girls don't get
angry." In order to be pleasing to parents, children often inhibit
their natural feelings and desires because they have been told that
those feelings or wants were "not nice." This is especially relevant
to sexual feelings or desires.

Niceness can also be a means of inviting people away from conflict or
from any expression of displeasure or anger. Moreover, when that
happens, we become confused and often feel guilty about our own
resentment or anger. After all, how can we feel angry at somebody
who is being so nice to us? Exactly! Nobody likes being controlled.
Yet everybody feels important when they are given unto. When
control and being nice to others are paired, the results are always
confusing and/or provocative of guilt or resentment.

When you let go of the desire to be in control of anything else
but yourself, you become truly free - free to be yourself. And
when you love yourself, you are automatically nice to yourself.
When you are nice to yourself, you will also be nice to others,
but - and this is more important - it'll be without any demands
or expectations of them. That makes expressions of your
"niceness" a rich expression of your genuine love.

Expressions of love with no expectations makes your love
totally safe and unconditional. When you love yourself and
others unconditionally, you might not always be "nice" to
them, but you will always be genuinely loving, totally free,
and beautifully expressive of your true nature.



The Unsinkable Marriage & Family

It only took six small stress fractures, literally, to sink the Titanic. According to pastor and counselor Tim Kimmel, here are at least six small stress fractures that threaten the safety and welfare of you and your family. Work through these with commitment, discipline, and faith, and you'll be well on your way to building an unsinkable marriage and family life:

1. Hurried, busy lives. Satan seems to have figured out that for most of us he doesn't have to make us bad, he just has to make us too busy. The net result is the same. If you want to be unsinkable, slow down to really see and understand what's going on inside you and in the world.

2. The success illusion. This is referred to as the "fake it till you make it" syndrome. The desperate need to "look" successful through acquisition, consumption, rank, and status (even min a church environment) can sometimes be a higher priority than being you and doing the consistent things that ultimately yield long-term fulfillment and success at that. After all, that's all there is.

3. Unresolved conflict. The roots of bitterness grow from regular failure to close the loop on anger and upset with others, espcially those who are really close to you, leaving "unresolvedness" fester over time into cynicism and resignation and total withdrawal.

4. Debt. Many people in debt don't look like they are. In fact, they look like they are doing very well. But reality says that they're barely surviving underneath it all, mostly because of the life they must lead to "service" it. In the end, you really can't serve two masters.

5. High control tendencies. A lot of seemingly "nice," well-intentioned (you know, perfect) families end up on the bottom because someone inside the family uses "strength" or "manipulative niceness" of their personality or possibly sheer "force of will" to consistently get other family members to meet their self-centered needs or at least to appease or mollify them on a regular basis.

6. Failure to maintain a healthy relationship with God. God's people often decide to behave like spoiled brats, ignoring him while making themselves and others gods. We'd all do well to learn from the epitaph inscribed on the tomb of Lord Lawrence in London: "He feared man so little because he loved God so much."

— Heart of the Home Newsletter


Words That Come From the Heart (from the Henri Nouwen Society)

Words that do not become flesh in us remain "just words." They have no power to affect our lives. If someone says, "I love you," without any deeply emotional and very visible sense of connection, the words often do more harm than good. But if these same words are spoken from the heart, they can create new life. It is important that we keep in touch with the source of our words. Our great temptation is to become "pleasers," people who say the right words to please others but whose words have no roots in their interior lives. We have to keep making sure that our spoken words are rooted in the reality of our hearts. The best way to do that is in prayerful silence.


Flesh Become Word


The word must become flesh, but the flesh also must become word. It is not enough for us, as human beings, just to live. We also must give words to what we are living. If we do not speak what we are living, our lives lose their vitality and creativity. When we see a beautiful view, we search for words to express what we are seeing. When we meet a caring person, we want to speak about that meeting. When we are sorrowful or in great pain, we need to talk about it. When we are surprised by joy, we want to announce it! Through the word, we appropriate and internalize what we are living. The word makes our experience truly human and full of life.



Yes, this last paragraph explains my journal perfectly, which is alive and well for almost 2,500 daily entries now, and what a vivid human experience this is, and it hasn't all been "nice," but it certainly has been "real" as an intensely loving expression of who I really am, and I can't help but be reminded of who He is, and how this whole thing started.

He chose His words very carefully (and what a great idea), so that they created exactly what He wanted to create, and then He took full responsibility for His creation in the most heartwrenchingly beautiful fashion imaginable. There was some real conflict in that, and then there was complete resolution and transformation, through death and resurrection - yes, in the most perfect, most humble manner imaginable.






And He invites us to do the same with our own worlds.

Yes, the plank in our own eye, and the

associated bitterness in our own heart,

can be this overdeveloped and ridiculous,

where we find ourselves looking to God for answers,

while at the very same time cutting

ourselves and each other to shreds.

We must first notice our own "shear" madness,

and then disarm ourselves before

it's too late and we're left alone to die.

Escaping our own bitterness

vitriolic: definition
vit·ri·olic (vi?tr? äl?ik)
adjective

- of, like, or derived from a "vitriol"
- extremely biting or caustic;
reflecting a sharpness and bitterness
of attitude and tongue

"In a while he would make the necessary notes in his journal, describing the only known cure for Vitriol (the mental 'disease' of human bitterness and despair), as an awakened and awestruck awareness of life, and describing the so-called 'medication' he had used in his first major test on human patients, as an intimate awareness of imminent death."

-- Paulo Coelho, referring to Dr. Igor at the end of Veronika Decides to Die

"The most profound psychic task which every person can and must set for himself is not to find his safety and security in the world, through getting his surface desires met, for that is a form of death, but to find peace, tolerance, then value, and then wonder on the inside, right within the inevitable heartbreaks and insecurity of the outside world."

-- Erich Fromm

"If you want to watch someone awaken to the preciousness of life, simply 'diagnose' them as terminally ill, with 30 days left to live, and wait until they fully accept it; if you want to watch them instantly die, ask them to tell you about their retirement plan."

-- Yours Truly

"My Cancer scare has changed my life forever. I'm now grateful for the miracle of every new, healthy day I have. This so-called 'crisis' has helped me to re-prioritize, thereby saving, my own life."

-- Olivia Newton John

"I spent many years with very low self-esteem, but Cancer and its associated 'smell of death' has given me the gift of seeing how many people genuinely love me and how much I love."

-- Wendie Jo Sperber

"Truth is so obscure in these troubled times, and falsehood so clearly established, that unless we love the truth so much that we are willing to die for it, we cannot really know it."

-- Blaise Pascal

Life is so damn beautiful, so fleeting, so incomprehensible, so precious, so valuable, so wondrous, that we cannot even "be with it," or at least it would seem, until it is totally threatened - not just made inconvenient or a little disappointing or somewhat problematic, no, threatened to the point of "forced acceptance" of its imminent demise. Then we wake up, for whatever reason, and the awakening is very, very good, and we become tearfully grateful for it and wish we had done so sooner. So, here is our chance to let go of our grievances by releasing the stranglehold we have on our lives and our need for it and others to behave in a certain way. As adults, we clearly ruin our own lives by our own actions, attitudes, beliefs, callousness, carelessness, causticity, deficiencies, and just as often by our sheer possessiveness of life itself. Take that thought in for a little while; roll it around in your brain; let it break your heart. It will be the most bittersweet thing, and you will sigh and moan with recognition of past petty foolishness, and all bitterness will be gone in an instant, and the cure will have been worth it. When we finally see the way we've attacked and sabotaged life and other people with our thoughts and words about and to them, we are startled back to our senses, and we beging to have a chance.