Diving beneath the surface

"He is a living example of people's obsession with the surface of things."

-- the character of Evelyn in the 2003 film, "The Shape of Things"

"Errors, like straws, upon the surface flow; He who would search for pearls must dive below."

-- John Dryden

"Do not hover on the surface of things, nor be taken up suddenly with mere appearances, but penetrate into the depth of matters, starting with yourself."

-- Isaac Watts

"Just as the wave cannot exist by and for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean and all that lies beneath, so must I never live my life for myself, based on simple, selfish desires, but always be a part of the rich experience which is going on all around and within me and others."

-- Albert Schweitzer

"In analyzing LaBute's films (one of which is the above mentioned 'The Shape of Things') beyond their shock value, we get the sense that LaBute is not so much presenting the world as a dark, immoral throwaway as most people (including the infamous Roger Ebert) have insisted, but is rather presenting the moral and ethical implications of treating other people as means to an end instead of whole ends in themselves. LaBute's films present a very Kantian philosophy that would have us believe that human beings, by virtue of being rational, are worthy of our respect. As such, an individual cannot use another individual for her own ends without depriving that individual of his autonomy, and thereby his very humanity."

-- Xavier Morales, in a review of provocative movie directors

"As both the English and French titles indicate, 'Look at Me's' target is how obsessed with the surface of things our society has become; how concerned with physical appearance and the feeling of being wanted and, more dangerously, with the rabid pursuit of celebrity it has actually become fashionable to be. With pointed and acerbic charm, 'Look at Me' shows us the unmistakable ways 'success' and 'getting what we want' (at least on the surface) can mar the human equation. With devilish humor it illustrates how the pursuit and worship of fame and desire and beauty (and the illusion of love) confuse, change, and derange everything they touch, ruining relationships and instigating the worst of behaviors. This may be a French film, but its connection to Hollywood, at least by implication, is unmistakable."

-- Kenneth Turan, in a movie review from 2005

When we have no idea who and Whose we are, we simply act unconsciously out of our collection of surface-level desires and wants, usually out of habit or from some unattended or purposely ignored addiction, even while knowing that this will certainly "not be it," and that it will most definitely hurt (or maybe even kill) us, but we remain slaves to it until we have sufficiently healed our hearts. In that unhealed place we are dangerous to each other in our blind and ravenous hunger, even while thoroughly convinced otherwise by our addiction itself, and we do not regain sight, it seems, until we have done enough damage in our world. The answer is never found in blindly grabbing for what you want or for the feeling of being wanted (all surface-level distinctions), although that will happen just often enough to let you see this, but in diving deep beneath the surface of your desires to discover those cavernous empty places, the heaving, swirling hurts that are causing such bizarre surface contortions (these seeking to "devour other people" to somehow fill those holes), and with this information and God's healing in this space, we can begin to see and have only those things and relationships that are consistent with our purpose for being here, knowing that we are connected to all of it, and that it is all part of us.

In this life, there is loving, which is a God-given blessing, based on wholeness in Him, and there is the lust for love to fill a hole, to fit the part, to attempt to complete ourselves by ourselves, using others as objects of our design vs. His. It pays to know the difference, and if you don't, I pray you learn without causing or experiencing too much damage.

The confused expression above, "Lusting for Love," is shown in a fuzzy focus for what it is (sorry, no photo here), a sad contradiction in terms, and it's exposed so poignantly in this rather pathetic lyric by between-balance & 15stitches:

"Take me now!
I would do anything for you:
sell my soul to Hell itself
with no hope of resurrection
if that's what you need
to get off on me."

On risking truly living

"One of the key tasks in life is to know oneself independent of the trophies, voices, and club memberships. To do this, we have to strip it all away. Sometimes, in His mercy, God allows all the falderal to be cleaned out of our lives. The typical human response to this is to beat one's fists against the divine chest and ask 'Why me?' Addicted to comforts and reasonably happy with our false self, we interpret the pain that attends this stripping away as a punishment of some kind. We don't understand the gift and the privilege. Difficult enough in an era of simplicity; in this frenzied, pride-filled era of complexity, the process of abandoning our ego props becomes an essential initial phase in the initiation of a true Jesus-follower, a process we know as 'discipleship.' AA meeting attendees know what I'm talking about here - the rest of us are active addicts of another sort - we all need that kind of stripped-down, raw honesty about life and our real (vs. our forced or managed or propped-up) place in it to be able to truly live."

-- Seth Barnes

"I’ve known many people who've had a deep passion to live the fullness of God’s life, but few actually end up finding out how. The risk of riding the waves with Him sends most scurrying back onto the dock. Jesus warned us about that, when he said, 'Anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let go, being totally reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.' (John 12:25, The Message) And, best of all, this can start right now, but our desire for security in temporal things is enemy number one to the true life we desire to find in Him."

-- Wayne Jacobsen

"The only way to find true happiness (and true life) is to risk being completely cut open, out in the open with others. The best way to waste your life, ... is by studying it, taking notes, trying to improve it on your own. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch - looking for the details - reporting the news - don't connect with anyone - don't even participate."

-- Chuck Palahniuk

"It is time to speak your Truth. Create your community, be very good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader. This could be a good time!
There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that
there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold onto
the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and
will suffer greatly. Know the river has its own
destination. The Elders say we must let
go of the shore, push off into the
middle of the river, keep our
eyes open and our heads
above water. And I say,
see who is in there
with you and ...
celebrate."

-— Prayer of the Hopi Elders

This message is in honor of the numerous Love Machine communities out there who are risking it all in the old world to to have it all in the new world they are helping to breathe alive. The courage I am tapping, sharing, seeing, and feeling lately is truly blowing our collective mind, because it is supernatural, out of this world. I feel so completely honored to be a part of it all, both in the painful midst of the stripping away of the old, as well as in the revelry of the full receiving of the new. And I definitely see who is in here with me, including whose heart is at the very center of it, and I celebrate us!

Wheeeeeee!!!!!!

Receiving God's healing in my relationship with money

It's happening again. I think it's going to be a recurring theme, as part of my absolute surrender to Him. I am being healed in having made money my god in the past. And He is showing up once again and letting me know Who's Boss. Money appears in my mind (and, I could argue, in real terms) to be drying up again (yes, the key word is appears - there is always enough and always has been), or at least it seems that it's nowhere to be found (just an illusion, I know).

Anyway, March was an OK month for us. April is slowing to a trickle. And May is looking bleak (yea, right). This progression of short-cycle fear is now starting to occur as a monthly phenomenon, instead of quarterly, and what was once yearly not very long ago. Hard to believe, really, but then again it's totally predictable, as I am being drawn closer and closer to Him, wrapped fully in His care, healing this area of money fear. It has moved me to get totally clear what He has for me to do in my surrender to His plan, and this has now become my fully surrendered daily prayer and process. Here is all there is for me to do, per His instructions, the new ABC's of money:

1. Always be me, living in gratitude every day for my so many totally obvious blessings and opportunities (the last few days' messages have been expressions of this).
2. Believe Him, doing what He says, and crying out to Him when I am in doubt or fear, sharing all of it out loud with others who are on a similar journey and/or tracking mine.
3. Continuously repent for my doubts and fears as they arise, knowing that they will, but getting clear once again that I am totally in His hands, and He has always provided.
4. Deny the world's relentless distractions and seductions - asking, listening for, and obeying His instructions, no matter how unreasonable they may sound at the time.
5. End each day in thankful prayer, so totally grateful for the privilege of such an abundant, connected, led, purposeful, surrendered, and worshipful life.

Whatever comes from this disciplined practice is exactly what is meant to come to heal me and to sustain me and my family through His provision of our daily bread.In praying, giving thanks, and listening, He has instructed me to simply ask you for help in sustaining me and my family, as Anne and I totally and completely give ourselves away in community - me to you and my church and Anne to our kids and their school - because, as He says, I am only doing what you would surely be doing if you believed you had enough time, security, and faith. Acting in these distinctions - as if I had all the time in the world, as if I had plenty of money to last a lifetime, as if I had shaken God's hand on the deal in my office - even though I don't have and am not experiencing any of them in my flesh and am feeling totally tested in all of them (and failing often), is a bold leap of faith and a commitment to this brand new way of life. He reminds me that we all benefit from you helping us continue to do this, because we all move closer to Him as a result. Thank you, again, just for hearing me and being along for the experiment.

Amen.

"If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He truly loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't ever be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who 'worry their prayers' are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

-- James 1:5-8 (The Message)

"Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life."

-- James 1:12 (The Message)

So, I'm asking boldly for your help, God, without a second thought, knowing I'm going to get just what I need. And, yes, I am going to go off by myself for a week or two in late May just to be with You. I really need the rest and the time alone with You. You sent it as Anne's idea, which was very cool. You're showing me how much she knows me and trusts the process we have been engaged in for over 11 years now. I know I need even a little extra financial support to do this, because it's not like I get any "paid vacations" ever, but, as You instructed, I'm not going to wait on money or people to make my arrangements (they are already made as of Sunday). It's one of those leap-of-faith experiences once again - and of course, you Crazy Bugger! That applies to absolutely everything these days. You just don't let up (and Thank You!!! for that) She even said, "if you ask, people will respond." It's like You've been coaching her. She knows You, too, it seems, and that's very good. So, I'm going to go, while openly asking, but I'm going no matter what, as a leap of faith into Your arms, to a place where I can sit on a lake and stare into Your face and replenish, where I can breathe deep and wander around and wonder out loud and write to my heart's content. It sounds heavenly, yes it does, and I can't wait.

As I put the finishing touches to this message, asking myself the question, "Am I really going to go?", and then finalizing the arrangements to do so, I ran across this wonderful little affirmation in the wonderful little book I just finished reading, So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore:

"Once ministry becomes a 'source of income' you'll find yourself tempted to manipulate people to serve you rather than God's love moving you to serve them. Until you are free to trust God to provide for you, Jake, He will not fully entrust His people to you. As you're serving, don't think you're the one that also has to do or secure the providing. Get this lesson, Jake! Living in the freedom of God's provision - choosing to follow what and when He calls to you - is absolutely critical to receiving what God has in store for you. Learn to live by what God asks, by what He puts right before you, not by your own manipulations, plans, and schemes. He'll provide all that you need when you do what He says, though He may not do it exactly the way you might want Him to. He always has your highest good in mind - 'you' don't, believe it or not."

In just a few short weeks, this will be me once again, back in nature in quiet reflection, just the two of us. The water might be a little too cold for this at this time of year, but the spirit will be willing, even if the body is not. :-O

Living free of rigid systems of any kind

Some powerful excerpts from my latest read, So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore, by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman, on the subject of regaining your freedom from human systems and institutional thought (putting them in their proper perspective vs. pre-eminent position in your spritual life) and re-establishing your dependence on God alone in living the way He is inviting you to live, as His adored and perfectly cared for child:

"The more at peace we are with ourselves, the easier it is for God to use us to touch others."

"The freedom to be honest and the freedom to struggle openly are keys to real friendship and genuine community."

"Any human system will eventually dehumanize the very people it seeks to serve, and those it dehumanizes the most are those who think they lead it."

"Relationships grow stale amidst relentless, stressful routine, and when the 'machinery' siphons off so much energy just to keep it running, it grows increasingly irrelevant."

"It's not about teaching it, Jake. It's about living it. Learn to live this life and you'll find no end of folks to share it with. Teach it first, however, and that will become your substitute for living it."

"And don't ever protect yourself (by avoiding, defending, judging, managing) at someone else's expense. By attempting to do so, you could be robbing Jesus of an opportunity to do something amazing in you both."

"We only need to do what God puts on our hearts to do - nothing more, nothing less - and doubting His ability to work beyond us is not the best way to hear Him. The great lie of this broken universe is that God cannot be trusted and that we have to take care of ourselves."

"Religious (like any) systems prey on people's insecurities. They haven't learned how to live in and celebrate God's love, to simply follow His voice and depend on Him. Consequently, they can't do anything that might upset their place in a dying fear-based game or they'll feel lost and paralyzed, where dying is not an option, even while telling us to die."

"When we're looking to the future, we're not listening to the Father. Anything we do to try and guarantee security or stability on our own terms will actually rob us of the freedom to simply follow Him today. We'll resort to our own wisdom instead of following His. The greatest freedom God can give you is to trust His ability to take care of you each day."

"What I hope you'll do is simply let God connect you with those brothers and sisters he wants you to walk with for now. Think less about 'starting' and 'growing' something than just learning to share your life in God with others on a similar journey. Don't feed off your need to be more right than others, then you'll know more clearly what He is doing in you."

"'If you really want to learn how to share Jesus' life together, it would be easier to think of that less as a structured meeting or service, with scheduled actions and ritualistic responses, and more as a family you love to be around.'
'I like that. We'd focus more on our relationships than our activities,' Ben offered.
'Exactly,' John answered. 'And you'd be more focused on your relationship to God, because He is the first relationship. Anything valuable you experience in your life together will come from your life in Him.'"

"'Then what do I do, just sit around doing nothing while I'm waiting for God to move me? That feels irresponsible.'
'Who said anything about that? Learning to live by trusting your Father is the most difficult part of this journey. So much of what we do is driven by our anxiety that God is not working on our behalf that we have no idea of the actions that real trust produces (remember Joshua at Jericho?). And trusting doesn't make you a lazy couch potato, ever. As you follow Him, Jake, you'll find yourself doing more than you've ever done, but it won't be the frantic, frenzied overcompensating activity of a desperate person, it will be the simple obedience of a dearly loved child. That's all our Father desires.'"

-- all of the above from So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore,
by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman

The importance of true (vs. casual) friendship

Why is friendships so important?

Given the state of the economy and the culture and the declining condition of so many of our institutional and organizational settings, we're all feeling more vulnerable than ever before. Suggestion: Forget the empty distractions and meaningless gadgets in your life; now is the time we should be turning to our families and friends more than ever.

Some people say that technology has hurt friendships more than it has helped them. Do you agree?

It depends totally on how you use it. For people who have a deep, intimate, lasting friendship, technology can help tremendously, because it makes it more possible to be in frequent and regular communication. But it can also help you create a large group of casual, surface-y acquaintances that aren't really friends at all, and then to become a slave to updating them on relatively meaningless or superficial topics. For example, people will tell you they have thousands of friends on Facebook, but I would ask them if they have one friend who would drop everything on a moment's notice to come to them and hold their hand if they were in the hospital. That one friend, passionately cultivated in real and deeply personal terms, is far more valuable than the thousands of so-called "friends" on Facebook.

How has the writing of The Last Lecture with Randy affected your life?

When I was working on the book, I was addicted to Googling Randy's name to gather interesting information about him. I would send him all these links, and I would share some of them with other casual friends through updates of my status on Facebook, and finally he said to me, "Would you please stop Googling my name and go hug your kids or call a good friend?" At that moment, fully understanding Randy's condition and his wisdom, I realized how right he was and how much of a gift it is to be able to do that.

-- excerpt of an interview with Jeffrey Zaslow, co-author of
The Last Lecture with Randy Pausch, the college professor
who died a few months later, about the keys to living life to the fullest

"Friendship is always a sweet, soulful responsibility, never just a shallow opportunity."
-- Kahil Gibran

"A real friend is one who walks in holding his heart when others are checking or walking out."

-- Walter Winchell

"It's the friends you can call up screaming at 4am (no matter when you talked last) that truly matter."

-- Marlene Dietrick

"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its deepest affections to a few esteemed characters."
-- Thomas Jefferson

"Institutionalism (seeking and finding your sense of value and worth primarily within institutional systems) builds task-based friendships; when the tasks are over or no longer matter, so is the friendship."

-- Wayne Jacobsen

"Anyone can hear what you say. Friends listen to and understand what you say. Best friends listen to and understand what you say and what you don't say and are there with the right questions and the most meaningful support."

-- Unknown

Yes, there are many ways to seek and have "substitutes" for true friendship in this busy, crazy life (like having many commiserating, equally stressed-out co-worker relationships - often referred to as drinkin' buddies - and/or frenzied, constantly-status-updating Facebook "friends"), just as their are many ways to seek and have substitutes for power (like fame, rank, and status), for intimacy (like casual sex and porn), and for abundance (like an obsession with money, stuff, and accumulated wealth). And yet nothing beats the real thing. It is worth being clear about what it takes, and then surrendering. It takes wisdom (way more than our own), vulnerability (often way more than is comfortable), time (often way more than is reasonable or seems available), patience (for friendship is not really transactional, but is a process of continuous cultivation), love (also way more than our own), forgiveness (time and time again, of both self and the other), commitment (in the midst of more pressing and urgent life matters that can just keep coming up), and awareness (of God's inside-out model for living).

If you want to see the difference between real friendship and casual or task-related "mutual using," check out that last hallway scene in Jerry Maguire again, after his epiphany is complete and their friendship reigns supreme, to see that in this crazy, mixed-up, performance-obsessed world, people and relationships truly are all that matter. True friends are a selfless stand for each other, helping each other stretch, reach, and grow, as we all climb up to reach for the sun.

"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my most important command to you: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do this thing I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father."

-- John 15:11-15 (The Message)

Why is it so hard, God?

"Until you discover how to trust God for absolutely everything in your life you will constantly seek to control others for the things you think you need, and life will seem very hard, indeed, even in you are deemed very successful in the world."

-- Jake Colson, Wayne Jacobsen, and Dave Coleman, in
So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore (p. 75)
(a great read, by the way, for those who are seriously
questioning their relationship with church)

"It is always much easier to play the culture's game, even its shallow religious game, than to endure the frequent startling challenges that come with continually discovering who God really is and how he wants to live for and through you, love on and with you, relate to, walk with, and work within in you through every step of your amazing journey through this life."

-- Jake Colson, Wayne Jacobsen, and Dave Coleman, in
So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore (p. 81)


This next bit is a little long, folks, but it is so worth it, especially if you are one of the many who have posed this question to me recently: "I'm working so hard to open up to and to receive Him, to listen with the expectation to hear, and then to obey, but why does He seem to make it so damn hard for us?" This writing entertains and then answers that question in a beautiful and comprehensive fashion. I'm grateful to the author, Rich Vincent, a kindred spirit in Wisconsin, who refers to himself as "an amateur pastor, hack theologian, and wannabe mystic." Way to go, Rich! I understand you completely and appreciate you greatly.


"When we approach the will of God as a way of life, we live for God right where we are in what we're being and doing right now. We recognize that a concern for God’s will is not primarily about spectacular events or big future decisions. Instead, we discover that God’s will is about life in the present moment – in the little events that comprise the bulk of our lives.

Having recognized this, we now wrestle with the question: Why is God’s will so hard? What is it about us and our world that creates an obstacle to accomplishing or surrendering to God’s will? I will highlight three factors that contribute to this: (1) Our egocentric tendencies; (2) the impossible standard of perfectionism in our culture; and (3) the real risk involved in authentic faith. The first factor rises from how we view ourselves, the second relates to our view of God, and the third has to do with the very nature of trust within a relationship.

Egocentric vs. Theocentric



God’s will challenges our natural tendency to egocentrism (self-centeredness) and calls us to a theocentric (God-centered) perspective of life. We tend to harbor the illusion that the world revolves around us and our desires. After all, our experience is more real to us than anything else. This causes us to be skeptical and dismissive of what we do not experience. Tragically, this is our sin. God’s will, on the other hand, invites us to live for something greater than ourselves, that is, God’s kingdom.

In order to walk with God we must align our will with God’s will. This is at the heart of what it means to answer Christ’s invitation to 'deny yourself, take up your cross daily, and follow me' (Luke 9:23). By following Jesus we share his heart, his life, his passion, and his vocation. Jesus’ vocation can be summarized in this way: by manifesting God’s grace, truth, and love he was a blessing to others. In this way, God’s kingdom was manifested in and through Jesus’ life.

The fundamental orientation of Jesus’ life was others-oriented rather than self-oriented. Through self-denial he gave himself away for the good of others. In the gospel, Jesus invites us to renounce our natural bent of selfishness and follow his call to self-denial and cross-bearing. Only by living in this fashion can we manifest God’s kingdom to others.

Ultimately, God’s will is not about us, but God’s kingdom. The prayer Jesus taught his disciples begins, not with a focus on the disciples’ needs and desires, but on God’s kingdom: 'Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.' Too often, we begin our prayers with our needs and desires and then, if there is room and time, we consider the concerns of God’s kingdom. By reversing the original order, we reduce God’s will to our own personal matters. James Mulholland describes how 'we often bring the same selfish tendencies to discerning God’s will. We make seeking God’s will into another selfish act. What does God want me to do? What is his perfect path for me? How can I assure my happiness and success? Some even define God’s will as giving health, wealth, and ease to his favorites.'

Our natural tendency is 'to see God through the filter of my needs, my desires, my kingdom, my will… The god we encounter when we fail to get beyond our self is the god of our wishes and projections, a god seriously lacking in transcendence.' As David Benner warns, a god 'that is merely a projection of our deepest needs and longings is [not] worthy of the surrender of our soul.' When we recognize how we often reverse God’s order – placing our will before God’s will – we realize how ridiculously self-serving our prayers often are.

The Christian is called to be filled with the Spirit of God. Consequently, we cannot be full of ourselves and welcome the divine Other. If we want to welcome God, we must come humbly, empty, and hungry. This is the only way to answer Jesus’ call to 'deny yourselves, take up your cross daily, and follow me.' True freedom is not individual autonomy but freedom to give ourselves to others in love. It is freedom from the tyranny of the self and the self-absorption that accompanies it. 'The paradoxical law of God’s kingdom is that it is only when we give up what we clutch most desperately that we will receive it. Reaching and grasping destroys. Surrender restores and transforms.'

The egocentric way is the most immature way to live. Obviously, it is a necessary step along the path of personal development. All of us as children begin our lives as full-blown egoists. But we certainly should not stay here! By casting off egocentrism and embracing an others-oriented (and further, a theocentric) perspective we grow up to Christian maturity: Grown-ups are people who understand ‘It’s not about you.’ It is about something bigger than you. It is about some larger purpose or mission, project or vision. It is about the work. It is about some whole that is more than just the sum of the parts... There’s something at stake that transcends me. ‘It’s not about you.’

The call to live beyond ourselves is not accomplished by eliminating our wills, but by reorienting them to harmonize with God’s will. Thomas Merton describes this goal: 'A saint is a person who when he does his own will, is doing the will of God… The root of his willing is in God… The greatest glory of a creature is to act freely as the instrument of God… His acts are Christ’s.' Catholic theologian Scott Hahn compares this to the way we align our wills with our spouse’s will: 'I don’t lose my will in God’s, any more than I lose my will in my wife’s. I unite my will to His.'

Perfectionism vs. Grace

Another problem in doing God’s will arises from our view of God. Too often, we view God as a judge demanding perfection rather than as a father desiring a love relationship with his children. When we view God primarily as a judge, we reduce God’s will to a matter of keeping rules. God’s will becomes a matter a law rather than grace. Perfectionism rather than relationship drives us.

But God’s will is a matter of grace, not perfectionism. Speaking of 'God’s perfect will' causes us to despair of ever really practicing God’s will for any extended time. We turn it into an impossible achievement rather than a gracious engagement with our loving God. Unfortunately, this 'fevered search for perfection can take on a harsh and self-deceiving face.'

We must never forget: God does not desire perfection. God desires a relationship. Anthony Robinson points to the creation account where the author repeatedly describes the execution of God’s will as 'good' and 'very good.' He writes, 'God seems content with good.'

It’s a good world, a stage for an unfolding drama, a work in progress. But it’s not a finished world. Perfection and perfectionism labor under the illusion that we can attain completion, that we can get it absolutely right, and that we are in charge and in control. That’s misleading and absolutely crippling.

It is impossible to do God’s 'perfect' will, but we can seek to do God’s 'good' will.

This becomes even more important when we realize that God’s will often involves living in the tension of paradox. Jesus’ teaching is full of paradoxes such as: 'The first shall be last.' 'We lose our lives to gain our lives.' 'The greatest shall be the least.' 'The weak are strong.' 'We give in order to receive.' 'The humble are exalted.' 'We die in order to truly live.' Certainly, these statements have to do with how God’s will turns conventional wisdom on its head. Learning to dwell in the tension of these paradoxes – paradoxes that communicate the mystery of God’s kingdom – often creates more problems than we are willing to admit.

Christianity is so regularly presented as the solution to our problems that it does not usually occur to us that it is also and more often the problem for our solutions. That is, the Gospel raises questions about the ways we have things put together, the ways that we have explained ourselves and others and the world to ourselves.

We are called to indwell and embody divine grace. This is a far cry from an endless list of rules. We must never forget that our response to God’s will is a response to grace: First comes grace, then our response. Whenever and wherever Christians and the church have forgotten this, Christianity has turned into something that is moralistic and legalistic and joyless. It turns into a religion that is all about keeping the rules, or pretending to, about appearances, about our deciding who’s in and who’s out. It turns, in other words, into a religion that is all about us and our doing, and not a bit about God and God’s amazing grace. It turns into a religion of good works and achievement and ceases to be a religion of grace.

Practicing God’s will is not like performing a to-do list. Checking off an inventory of rules does little to nurture a relationship, but sadly, often leads to self-righteousness and spiritual pride. Furthermore, there is no end to the list of rules one might need to adequately deal with all the different possibilities life may bring.

In the past, I received training in a certain form of counseling that provided a list for discerning God’s will that includes no less than fourteen steps! Another chart reduces the list to four steps. Both lists effectively reduce the Christian life to Bible study, prayer, and witnessing. Everything else is questionable – it may not be 'God’s best' for us!

These 'recipes' for doing God’s will are misleading at best, and dehumanizing at worst. They contribute to graceless legalism rather than liberating grace. Doing God’s will is more like obeying a tender and loving father than a rigid lawyer. Today my four-year old Adam was drawing a picture. He has certainly improved in his artistic abilities but they still fall far short of a Da Vinci painting. However, his immature attempts to create give me, his father, great pleasure. No museum will be calling me soon to display Adam’s works of art, but I will prominently display his pictures with great pride and joy. I recognize his limitations, but I also take joy in his growth. God looks at us in a similar way – but with an even greater grace and joy!

Control vs. Trust

Another problem arises in performing God’s will when we forget how relationships are rooted in trust rather than control. At the heart of our engagement with God’s will are the polarities of trust vs. fear, surrender vs. control, willingness vs. willfulness, and love vs. apathy.

Our world prizes mastery and control. For this reason, we often miss God’s will. The opposite of faith is not doubt, but a demand to control our lives and the lives and actions of others. Faith is not certainty, it is trust. When we trust another person, we give ourselves to them without fear. This is a vulnerable and risky position to be in. We are called to do exactly this in our relationship with God. We are invited to surrender to the unexpected and unknown – to risk ourselves for the sake of an authentic relationship with the divine Other.

Life is a great mystery. There is much over which we have no control. 'Our preoccupation with what lies ahead betrays a desire to control a future that simply cannot be controlled. We want the security of knowing what the future will bring rather than risk trusting God as the unknown future gradually unfolds before us.' This truth lies behind our desire to find God’s will in a crystal ball, rather than in the plain statements found in biblical revelation. But faith renounces control over the present moment.

If we do not learn how to give ourselves over to God in faith during the course of our lives, we will eventually have to learn this lesson at the end of our days. Ultimately, we can do nothing about death. If we have learned throughout our lives to give control over to God, we will gladly give ourselves to God at the moment of our death – the moment over which we have the least control and must demonstrate the greatest trust if we wish to cast ourselves completely on God’s care.

Perhaps the distinction between willingness and willfulness can help at this point. Willfulness is a self-propelled, stubborn, 'grandiose, inflated self acting as if it is master and commander of the universe.' On the other hand, 'The act of willing surrender is a choice of openness, a choice of abandonment of self-determination, a choice of cooperation with God.' Ultimately, this is what God desires from us: 'What God desires is our consent, not our willpower.'

The Pain and the Pleasure

Doing God’s will is not easy, but it is very rewarding. It does not always bring personal peace. It often takes us way beyond our comfort zone. Like Paul, we are called 'to die daily' (1 Corinthians 15:31). The Spirit of Christ leads us in a process of mortification – a death to our own self-will. Paul writes, 'If you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption by which we cry, Abba! Father!’ (Romans 8:113-15). This is a painful process but its fruit is the knowledge that God is at work in our lives through the Spirit.

It is a consoling truth to recognize that doing God’s will was not always an easy option for Jesus: 'There is no reason to feel guilty if you find it difficult to surrender to God’s will. Even Christ found it hard. He who knew the depth and dependability of the love of God better than any human also struggled to surrender to the demand of Love that he lay down his life.'

After much struggle, Jesus prayed, 'Not my will but yours be done.' William Willimon and Stanley Hauerwas remind us that 'the ending of all truly Christian prayer is the same that Jesus prayed in Gethsemane: Not my will but yours be done.' This is what it means to pray in Jesus’ name. It is a prayer of total commitment to God, regardless of what it may bring to our lives. 'Prayer in Jesus’ name is lifelong training in taking God’s will a little more seriously and our own will a little less so.'

James Mulholland describes how Jesus’ struggle with God’s will can comfort us: His words are so human. 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Daddy (Abba), everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me' (Mark 14:36). I know that prayer. I prayed it when my mother was dying of cancer. I prayed it when my marriage was on the rocks. I prayed it when my daughter developed a tumor. I suspect we’ve all had cups we’ve asked God to take from us.

Ultimately, there are two sides to our performance of God’s will – a passive side and an active side. The passive aspect is found in Mary’s prayer: 'May it be done to me according to your word.' This prayer welcome’s God’s kingdom transformation in our lives. The active side is found in the psalmist’s prayer: 'I have come to do thy will, O Lord.' This is a prayer of self-offering for the purposes of God’s kingdom. Both aspects are found in Jesus’ prayer: 'Not my will, but thine be done.'

The joy of doing God’s will is experienced when we remember that it is our Father’s will that we embrace. Our tender Abba loves us passionately, perfectly, and eternally. This love moves us to embrace God’s will. Our fears are relieved by remembering that God’s will is the will of a loving, merciful father: 'Apart from duress and fear, nobody voluntarily submits their will and surrenders their autonomy for any other reason than love.' It is not simply that we desire to do God’s will, but that God desires us: 'We may be tempted to feel that the desiring of God is all on our end. But our desiring originates in God’s desiring of us.'

More than anything else, God wants us to want God’s will. We may not always be certain, but we can always trust. For this reason, I have found great consolation in Thomas Merton’s prayer:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

We must change our perspective on God’s will: We 'are accustomed to thinking of prayer as a good strategy for getting what we want… This prayer is not getting what we want but rather for bending our wants toward what God wants.' By aligning ourselves with God’s desire for us, we become the kind of people God desires us to be. We may not always get it right, but we know that we are continually involved in a process that is transforming us – making us more like Christ, until it is only Christ alive in us. As always, the question is not 'What am I supposed to do?' as much as it is 'What kind of person does God want me to be?' Tom Stella makes it clear: 'I am in union with your will when I cease to be at odds with my neighbor and myself, and when I share in your divine passion that desires the good of all.'

Armed with the desire to bless others as God has blessed us, we are equipped to 'make the most of every opportunity' (Ephesians 5). We recognize that we often fall short, but we also remain aware of God’s grace at work in every event of our lives. We are a mixed bag. We are capable of great courage and great cowardice. We do wonderful things, and we do things that are selfish and terrible. And it tells another truth as well: Despite our own flaws and failures there is a gracious power, sometimes hidden and sometimes revealed, steadily at work for good and healing in the world. If we give it half a chance it will work through us. When we don’t give it a chance, it keeps on anyway.

Conclusion

God’s will is hard because it constantly challenges us in respect to our natural tendencies to egoism, our list mentality that imagines an impossibly high standard – a 'perfect' will – and our fear of the vulnerability and risk involved in an authentically trusting relationship with another.

Throughout our entire lives we will vacillate between the extremes of egocentrism vs. theocentrism, perfectionism vs. grace, and control vs. trust. None of these tendencies will be resolved immediately. The journey of learning to orient ourselves in confident trust toward our gracious God is life-long. It is not an easy process. In many ways, it is a painful process. But in the end, it brings great reward. It is, after all, the way of Jesus."