Architecting, creating, and holding a space for new energy and ideas to emerge

"Creating and holding a space for others in which dramatic growth and healing can take place requires being still and quiet to really listen 'to' others' hearts and 'for' His powerful presence, to really see the absolute perfection of every situation, to really wait on His guidance in 'joyful expectancy,' to really let go and put down our need to effect or fix anyone or anything; this has been a lost (but is now rapidly being re-discovered) art in our culture and time."

-- Yours Truly

"It is our hypocrisy and self-centered focus that drains us. When we become purpose-centered, internally-guided, other-focused, externally open and vulnerable, we discover energy we didn’t know we had, and it is that energy that heals, moves, and touches others with a powerful sense of awe and wonder."

-- Robert E. Quinn

"We are at a point in history where a proper attention to space, and especially near space - including that inner frontier within each of us - may be absolutely crucial in bringing the world together."

-- Margaret Mead

"Dedication to progress involves making and holding the space to let new energy take hold; every tree was once a seed and every company was once a bold new idea."

-- Zephyr Bloch-Jorgensen

"All architecture is shelter, all great architecture is the design of space that contains, cuddles, exalts, or stimulates the persons that move into that space."

-- Philip Johnson

"Man's mind and spirit grow with the space in which they are allowed and invited to operate."

-- Krafft A. Ehricke, rocket pioneer

I am so committed to "architecting, creating, and holding a space" around me and my family and my life that "contains, cuddles, exalts, and stimulates." What a fabulous feeling and thought that is. And, it seems in direct response, God has brought an amazing number of young people in their 20's and 30's into that space, where they are not only "allowed and invited to operate," but are fully celebrated for their beauty and energy and tenacious willingness to take life on in real terms so young, largely because the fakeness and false gods of my generation have proven that to be an important, if not necessary shift in focus. They come with fresh new ideas about who they are, who God is, and how to connect and share in healthy community life. I get to connect, cry, feel, grow, hang out, laugh, learn, play, pray, scream, and teach with them, ... all of it, feeling a little like a Dad to so many of them, and what a amazingly beautiful thing - to bring the attitude of Prodigal Father to real life in modern times. It is so beautiful, and I want to thank them all for accepting my invitation into my heart and "that space."

The power of acceptance and trust

"The man who accepts, respects, and trusts other men, no matter what his or their circumstances or history, will make fewer and less costly mistakes than he who shuns, judges, and distrusts them."

-- Camillo Benso di Cavour

"Trust is built by focusing not on what other people do or don't do, but on examining one's own behavior, improving one's own trustworthiness, and focusing attention not on one's words and promises, but on actions, attitudes, and authentic, effective ways of being."

-- Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith, in The Art of Waking People Up

I am in deep and meaningful remembering about my wonderful learnings from my old coaching mentor, Chip Bell, most specifically about the "art" of coaching, as he saw it, which he reduced for me into a simple framework he referred to through the acronym, S.A.G.E.. The "S" is for "Surrender" to the mystery of God's connections and invitations to relationship among human beings. There is a reason we meet everyone we meet, and there is a reason to stay and focus (rather than run and hide) when we find ourselves annoyed, frustrated, hurt, or scared by particular people we can feel that we're meant to love, but we just can't seem to find the way. Staying in the mystery allows God to reveal it to us, as long as we can get ourselves to the "A" of acceptance of them exactly as they are (vs. needing them to be something more or less), which is not the same as agreeing with them or condoning their actions; it simply means to accept that they are exactly where God has them for reasons that are between them and God, and that they are in your face or your life for your benefit, according to God's unique plan for you. With that clean and genuinely felt acceptance comes an opening for one's "G" or gifting, where you get to empty out your full gifts on, into, and for another person, once you have been clearly invited to do so, and not before. Trying to help another person before they have opened up to your gifts or insights or support is actually wasteful for you, if not downright harmful to them. And finally, the big "E," the gracious gift of extending the other person into your network of other gifted and loving people where a whole cornucopia of gifts can be invited and shared in community, where love can be expanded exponentially in ways that honor all. For some reason, this lesson feels very important and timely for me today, a great reminder of the sacredness of our every relationship.

-- Yours Truly, from a journal entry from May, 2007

People - and this is most, if not all people - naturally tend to be and do and give their very best when they feel genuinely accepted, respected, and trusted. They tend to give far less, if anything, when they feel distrusted, excluded, feared, judged, labeled, managed, marginalized, shunned, or completely unseen. This just makes sense, doesn't it, and you can feel it for yourself, can't you? And if by any chance you're saying here, "but I obviously deserve to be treated better than I am, and so many others just don't," then I really can't help you at all. I accept you in that place, respect you and your journey, and trust you and Him to work that out.

Waiting impatiently for the "wrong" or "bad" people in your life to become more trustworthy, or for those "right" people who haven't arrived yet who already are more trustworthy (when that is not reflective of human nature at all), before extending, investing, and risking oneself while trusting others, is misguided at best. The instruction is to "love like He loves," under any and all circumstances, especially the most dire, not to "wait to be loved like He loves" before doing so. It is impossible without His direct and total involvement -- by perfect design. We will never receive our healing or our recompense or our right treatment or our relational satisfaction from other people; it is just not going to happen, or even if it does for a fleeting season, it's not going to last. Waiting for it is energy-draining; expecting is is totally life-stealing.

What does "being" obedient "do"?

When faced with a big obstacle in the path of "fulfilling my purpose" in any given situation, if I try real hard to "do" it, it eventually falters and fails, even if it looks like it has succeeded for a little bit in the beginning. When I surrender and simply "be" obedient to Him, it works and keeps on working, better than I could have ever devised it or figured it out.

And this also, quite miraculously, applies to reading and applying the Bible in my life, which I never thought I would ever be able to do. When I was a kid and I tried to "do" it, because people said I should, because that's what "good people" do, it just got to be too much for me - too many words, too many crazy stories that made no sense, too many other easy, comfortable, or more meaningful things to do (things that would benefit me more directly and immediately), too many people misusing it for their own selfish benefit. It wasn't about "real" good and truth and love. What a meaningless mess, I thought. But now that I've surrendered to just "being" obedient, my life experience is directing me by the hand - His hand - to the perfect Bible story to teach me what it all means and what really matters, and how cool is that.

The following story describes my December perfectly, when it came to the "obstacle" of insufficient funds to continue to operate (being blocked from the promise land by a big fortress of fear after leaving a previous life of slavery), and I knew that I knew how to "do" something creative to solve the problem - something that involved maneuvering, manipulating, marketing, self-promotion, "selling," etc., and I also knew from previous experience that this was not going to be the answer, so like Joshua I went off to be with Him, and He sent a messenger to offer some strange advice, asking me to "be" obedient and to answer the call with whomever He sent. And he sent them, and they didn't seem to be the answer, and I felt a little strange and wondered out loud, "What am I doing? I am being totally irresponsible." And then I just kept "being" obedient, way beyond my feelings of rightness or sanity, and then He did what He does. He lived up to His promise, based on my participation and humble obedience, and everything worked out, again, thanks to Him, and it keeps working out when I listen and obey. It is quite extraordinary, really.

Doing (or not doing) it my way, while feeling very justified and smart about it, even while also absolutely miserable about it, is a self-defeating recipe for disaster. Listening and acting boldly on bigger Truth ("being" faithful), from an infinitely bigger Source, although quite difficult when first recognized, and often sounding insane to conventional wisdom, is the only failsafe plan. We don't have a clue how to manage ourselves, protect ourselves, rescue ourselves, save ourselves, even trust ourselves. Life and the world's obstacles are simply too big, and thank God. For this process of dying to our own confidence, ego knowledge, and thought processes, and being obedient, is how we get to really know and trust Him.

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FAITH OBEYS:
God's commands and instructions are given for our benefit so that we might have the most abundant life possible. A person of faith willingly obeys the commands and instructions of God even when they don't seem to agree with the "right" way of doing things in human and worldly terms.....the way "conventional wisdom" describes that things should be done. With faith, in the end, they end up being done by Him, better than we could have ever done them, after our obedience.

We will look at the faith and obedience that Joshua and the Israelites demonstrated during the battle of Jericho, even though God's plans didn't make sense at the time. We can apply this to our own lives and determine if we are willing to walk by faith and obey God rather than by sight, following what we (or our numerous worldy counselors) think is right.

13 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"

14 "Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"

15 The commander of the LORD's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so.

6 Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in.

2 Then the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3 March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4 Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams' horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5 When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in."

6 So Joshua son of Nun called the priests and said to them, "Take up the ark of the covenant of the LORD and have seven priests carry trumpets in front of it." 7 And he ordered the people, "Advance! March around the city, with the armed guard going ahead of the ark of the LORD."

8 When Joshua had spoken to the people, the seven priests carrying the seven trumpets before the LORD went forward, blowing their trumpets, and the ark of the LORD's covenant followed them. 9 The armed guard marched ahead of the priests who blew the trumpets, and the rear guard followed the ark. All this time the trumpets were sounding. 10 But Joshua had commanded the people, "Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!" 11 So he had the ark of the LORD carried around the city, circling it once. Then the people returned to camp and spent the night there.

12 Joshua got up early the next morning and the priests took up the ark of the LORD. 13 The seven priests carrying the seven trumpets went forward, marching before the ark of the LORD and blowing the trumpets. The armed men went ahead of them and the rear guard followed the ark of the LORD, while the trumpets kept sounding. 14 So on the second day they marched around the city once and returned to the camp. They did this for six days.

15 On the seventh day, they got up at daybreak and marched around the city seven times in the same manner, except that on that day they circled the city seven times. 16 The seventh time around, when the priests sounded the trumpet blast, Joshua commanded the people, "Shout! For the LORD has given you the city! 17 The city and all that is in it are to be devoted to the LORD. Only Rahab the prostitute and all who are with her in her house shall be spared, because she hid the spies we sent. 18 But keep away from the devoted things, so that you will not bring about your own destruction by taking any of them. Otherwise you will make the camp of Israel liable to destruction and bring trouble on it. 19 All the silver and gold and the articles of bronze and iron are sacred to the LORD and must go into his treasury."

20 When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city.

--Joshua 5:13-15, 6:1-20

Why did God give Joshua all these complicated instructions for the battle? Several answers are possible:

1) God was making it undeniably clear that the battle would depend upon Him, and not upon Israel's weapons and expertise. This is why priests carrying the ark, NOT SOLDIERS, led the Israelites into battle.

2) God's method of taking the city accentuated the terror already felt in Jericho (seven priests marching carrying trumpets, Priests carrying the ark).

3) This strange military maneuver was a test of the Israelites faith and their willingness to follow God completely. The blowing of the trumpets had a special significance. They had been instructed to blow the same trumpets used in the religious festivals in their battles to remind them that their victory would come from the Lord, not their own military might.
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Here, in case you missed it, have another listen to a very cool and very relevant song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUYAmVYnC-Y
(painting pictures of egypt)
Enjoy, especially the part at the end about why it takes just as long as it takes.

God sees behind appearances.

God Sees Behind Appearances

(all of our most fantastic "masterpieces" and most elaborate "great works" are of little real importance in the grand design of things and of no lasting significance to Him; it is what's going on inside our hearts that truly matters to Him and determines the very nature - and the future - of our being)

Jesus went on to make these comments:

If you're honest in small things,
you'll be honest in big things;
If you're a crook in small things,
you'll be a crook in big things.
If you're not honest in small jobs,
who will put you in charge of the store?
No worker can serve two bosses:
He'll either hate the first and love the second
Or adore the first and despise the second.
You can't serve both God and the Bank.

When the Pharisees, a money-obsessed bunch, heard him say these things, they rolled their eyes, dismissing him as hopelessly out of touch. So Jesus spoke to them: "You are masters at making yourselves look real good in front of others, but God knows what's behind the appearance."

What society sees and calls monumental,
God sees through and calls monstrous.
God's Law and the Prophets climaxed in John;
Now it's all kingdom of God—the glad news
and compelling invitation to every man and woman.
The sky will disintegrate and the earth dissolve
before a single letter of God's Law wears out.
Using the legalities of divorce
as a cover for lust is adultery;
Using the legalities of marriage
as a cover for lust is adultery.

-- Luke 16:10-16 (The Message)

In other words, the spirit of the thing (in this case, the Spirit of the Word) transcends the limitations or machinations or manipulations of human beings using it (rules, law, the Word), in order to justify their own actions, attitudes, behaviors, and thoughts. Their is no hiding from God, ... and no glamorous, overblown, over-managed, ridiculously showy cover-up with man that will ever even slightly ease the pain of attempting to do so. He sees straight through to the naked heart of everything, whether it be perfectly pure, overly puritanical, pompously proud, or preposterously putrid. We are completely naked before Him, and before anyone who sees the truth with compassion and understanding. The others we sometimes fool, and so what, really.

I once heard a sad young man say to me, "I could never marry a girl who would let me sleep with her." When I pressed him for his rationale, he stated, "I would know that I could fool her into thinking that I was really something, and sure I would enjoy her for a short while in fantasy mode, but it surely wouldn't last, because the bottom line is that I'm a worthless phony, and if she buys the lie that I'm not, we're both screwed." Well, there's so much irony in that diatribe - that's really not worth examining further right now - but we all tend to feel that same way with all those people out there who let us get away with our "blusterous ballyhoo" about this and that. We might know how to "wow" them for a little while with our tomfoolery, but alas, we can't find any real and lasting joy there. "I can't take that buzz home with me." "I know that I fooled them into thinking that I was really something, and it was fun for a short while, but it doesn't matter, because I know what a blowhard I am, and if they're believing me, then we're very dangerous to each other."

Yes, He sees everything. We might as well "be still" and "be real" and be "obedient," and just stay out of the "hiding behind appearances" game. We're not really fooling anybody that matters, or, if we are, we won't get away with it for very long, and the collapse of the facade is devastating.

On being an example - let your life "speak" - let them "see" your sermon

There are far too many elaborate, flowery, "got-to-get-it-right" words out there and way too many ego-driven productions and gaudy, haughty "superstars" in this world. No one needs any more of them; we are quite literally gagging on them. But what is truly lacking are living examples of a better, cleaner, healthier, more hopeful way to live - not more "how to" books, sermons, speeches, TV shows, etc.. If we want people to hear what we have to say, how about if we focus on really "living it out loud," and then let it speak for itself. We could not accurately describe the beauty and power of a fully surrendered life, anyway. And if we genuinely want to help people (the best way to receive God's help), how about we openly live among and walk with them, while very passionately and very visibly listening to and living our own best advice.

The world is full to the brim of examples of the self-absorbed, self-aggrandizing, self-betraying, self-centered, self-condemning, self-degrading, self-expanding, self-focused, self-glorifying, self-gratifying, self-hating, self-indulging, self-limited, self loathing, ... you get the point. What are rare are the calm, healthy, respectful souls, totally clear about who and Whose they are, where love burns brightly in small, loving actions, full of God's attention and intention, not in overdone, meaningless words, and there is a humble, detached "other-focus," vs. a desperate need for human attention.


“When I give something I do not live or possess, I give a false and dangerous gift, a gift that looks like love and wisdom, but is, in reality, both loveless and unwise - a gift given more from my need to prove myself than from the other’s deep need to be seen, heard, and cared for. ... Our strongest gifts are usually those we are, at least for quite some time, barely aware of possessing. They are a part of our God-given nature, with us from the moment we first drew breath, and we are no more conscious of having them than we are of breathing, until we awaken to our true life and mission and let our lives speak.”

-- Parker Palmer, in "Let Your Life Speak"


I'd Rather See A Sermon

I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day;
I'd rather one should walk with me than merely show the way.
The eye's a better pupil, and more willing than the ear;
Fine counsel is confusing, but examples are always clear;
And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds, -
For to see good put into action is what everybody needs. -
I can learn to do it if you'll let me see it done;
I can watch your hand in action, but your tongue too fast may run.
And the lecture you deliver may very well be true,
But I'd rather get my lesson by observing what you do;
For I might misunderstand you, the high advice you give,
But, there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.

-- Edgar Guest

Blocks to and complexities of the path to wisdom

Interesting trip, this "long, strange one" that eventually leads a person to the path of truth and wisdom. Along the way, there are many bridges out, detours, side trips, and workarounds, and a scant few who can lend a real helping hand, although many will try. Those who claim to know the way more often than not will lead you astray, for it's a perilous, mostly solitary journey, and I am actually beginning to believe that none but the bravest of adventurers ever wander anywhere near the path, and those often do so accidentally. You see you can't cautiously creep up on this thing or find it with calm, scholarly intent. And for whatever strange reason, you rarely get there by "following the rules," even though the rules turn out to be very valid and wise in the end. But alas, you kind of have to bumble and grumble and stumble onto this path on bloody hands and knees, totally frustrated and exhausted, dusty and sweaty, having taken several unguided trips to nowhere along the way, until you're finally ready to give up. It's so often then that He shows up with His oh so timely guidance, and only then that we're really ready to listen to and follow it. So, if you're really "trying" your best to be truthful and wise, have fun with that. And if you're not thinking about it in the least, have fun with that. The chance of the former approach getting you where you want to go is suprisingly, dismally low, and the chance of the latter landing you where the former desires to go is amazingly, freakingly high, although the journey can be quite unpredictable.

"There are in fact four very significant stumbling blocks in the way of grasping the truth and living wisely, which hinder every man, however learned, and scarcely allow anyone to win a clear path and title to wisdom, namely, 1) the weak example of unworthy authority, 2) longstanding custom and tradition, 3) the feelings and mood of the largely ignorant crowd, and 4) the hiding of our own ignorance while making a display of our apparent knowledge."

-- Roger Bacon

"It is proof of a base and low mind for one to wish to think with the masses or pursue the majority, merely because the majority is the majority. Truth does not change because it is, or is not, believed by a majority of the people."

-- Giordano Bruno

"How much easier and more seductive it is to be harshly critical and judgmental; it can often seem quite impossible to be correct while also accepting, gentle, and kind."

-- Benjamin Disraeli

"Truth and wisdom are not easily communicable. The truth which a wise man tries to communicate usually sounds foolish to the inexperienced and unwise."

-- Herman Hesse

"The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn every day."

-- Alvin Toffler

"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must be willing to observe, to risk failure, and to fully experience."

-- Marilyn vos Savant

"One's first step in wisdom is to boldly question everything -- and one's last is to peacefully come to terms with everything."

-- George Christoph Lichtenberg

"Wisdom is not a pursued taste, but an acquired one, usually coming out the other side of a rabid pursuit of its opposite."

-- Yours Truly

"A sure sign of a genius is that all of the less bright are either confused by or in a confederacy against him."

-- Frank Lloyd Wright

"The wisest man knows he has so much yet to learn, fully aware of his ignorant condition."

-- George Santayana

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God you learn."

-- C.S. Lewis

Deeply feeling each precious, prayerful heart

Last week, if you recall, I mentioned seeing the agonizingly brilliant film, "The Wrestler," and in it there were a couple of excrutiatingly painful scenes in which Randy "The Ram" Robinson is given one last (and very undeserved) chance by his estranged daughter to meet with her for dinner and attempt to patch up years of neglect and oblivion, with this very fragile and precious opportunity (very tentatively given) to regain some semblance of a relationship with this one person in his life he truly cares about (or so we want to think). And then we helplessly watch him blow it (again), when a little beer, some drugs, a little reminiscing, and a girl shows up to stroke his desperately needy ego one last time, and his appearance at his daughter's house the next night to try to explain and ask for forgiveness (again) is brutal beyond words.

The pain of this moment is white hot, because you know he really does love her, at least in feelings, but he is so lost in his addiction and lifestyle that he is unable to show it with any meaningful, reliable action to support those feelings. And then you realize with a loud thud, ... OMG, this is all of us. This is our normal state - the state of the human condition. We try so hard to do right by others who we claim to care about. And we keep screwing it up, over and over again. And then, in our embarrassment and humiliation, we shift to thinking we deserve endless slack for our sad, endless string of ongoing mistakes and oversights and our total inability to really and truly show up, and we get bitter and frustrated and ultimately jaded and just plain pissed off at others' expectations of us, when in reality, we know deep down we just can't do it - it's too f###ing hard!!! That's when I realized how much I am praying, and with the compassionate, empathetic heart of Henri Nouwen, who has been there and understands, because I see myself and so many others in good ol' Randy, and God help us all, and we so desperately need His constant compassion and forgiveness, because chances are we're not going to find too much of it in this world of infinite hurt and infinite distraction from responsibility, unless we get praying.


"Today I imagined my inner self as a place crowded and tingling with pins and needles. How could I receive anyone in my prayer when there is no real place for them to be free and relaxed in here? When I am still so self-centered, so full of my own preoccupations and distractions, my petty jealousies, my angry, self-centered feelings, that anyone who dare enters there will surely get hurt. I had a very vivid realization that I must create some free space in my innermost being so that I may indeed invite others to enter and be heard and healed. To pray for others means to offer others a hospitable place where I can really listen to their needs and pains. Compassion, therefore, calls for a disciplined and honest self-scrutiny that can ultimately lead to inner gentleness. If I could have a gentle 'interiority' -- a heart of soft flesh and not of hard stone, a healthy, inviting perspective, a room with some spots on which one might walk barefooted -- then God and my fellow humans could meet each other there. Then the center of my heart can become the place where God can hear the prayers for my neighbors and embrace them completely with His love, with no needy interruptions from me.

... Often I have said to people, 'I will pray for you,' but how often did I really enter into the full reality of what that truly means? I now see how indeed I can enter deeply into the broken heart of another and pray to God from his or her center. When I really bring my friends and the many I pray for into my own innermost being and deeply feel their pains, their struggles, their cries of desperation in my own soul, then I leave myself, so to speak, and become them, and only then can I have genuine compassion and truly care. Compassion lies at the heart of our prayer for our fellow human beings. When I pray for the world, I become the world; when I pray for the endless hurts and needs of the millions, my soul expands and wants to embrace them all and bring them into the presence of God. But in the midst of that experience I have come to realize that compassion is not my gift to them but God's gift to me (and thank You). I cannot embrace the world, but surely God can and does. I cannot pray, really, but God can pray in me. When God became as we are - that is, when God allowed us to enter into His intimate life by His joining us in the flesh - it became possible for us to share in His infinite compassion and understanding. In praying for others, I lose myself and my misery and become the other, only to be so joyfully found by the divine love which holds the whole of humanity in a warm, compassionate embrace."

-- Henri Nouwen, in The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery