Birth of Genius

"Before the beginning of great brilliance, there must be chaos and confusion. Before a brilliant person begins something magnificent, they must look totally foolish to the crowd."

-- I Ching

"To see things in the seed, regardless of what others see or don't see, that is genius."

-- Lao-Tzu

"Talent is that which is in a man's power; genius is that in Whose power man is."

-- James Russell Lowell

I know what a genius I am, and I know why, and I know it's none of my doing. I have painstakingly withstood (and weathered beautifully) my long, arduous season of total chaos and confusion, where I looked the fool often, and now I see things as they really are - in all of their stages of development, all at the same time - and, most importantly, I know in Whose power I am. I take no credit for this and consider myself nothing special, for I know that this seed is planted in all of us. I am just very glad to be basking in the awareness of it right now.

One of my very favorite people in the whole world, a young woman named Abby, in whom I first saw God's genius years ago, is getting married today, and I will be there - with bells on - to celebrate Abby and her amazing guy, Dan, and to offer them an enthusiastic prayer of love and support, and I want to take this special opportunity to joyfully acknowledge God's outrageous genius for putting this couple and this love together, and for their genius in totally surrendering to His plan. Way to go, Boss! Congratulations, Abby and Dan! Keep it simple, today, and forevermore.

Genius sure is a beautiful, wondrous thing! I think "birth" is the birth of genius, and "discovery" is its next step. And once "discovered," life and love flourish in the simple, the small, and the startlingly straightforward.

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction."

-- Albert Einstein

On finding peace

"It is useless to try to make peace with ourselves by striving to be pleased with everything we have done. In order to settle down in the quiet of our own being we must learn to be detached from the real or imaginary results of our own activity. We must quietly withdraw ourselves from effects that are beyond our control and be content with the good will and the good work that are the quiet expressions of our inner life. We must be content to live without watching (and measuring) ourselves live, to work without demanding or expecting immediate rewards, to love without an instantaneous satisfaction, and to exist peacefully in communion with our God without requiring any special recognition from the world."

-- Thomas Merton, in No Man is an Island

"At least half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who desperately want to feel happy, important, and successful. They don't really mean to do harm. But the harm does not seem to interest or stop them."

-- T.S. Eliot

"Our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry, and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in the mayhem of 'muchness' and 'manyness,' he will rest satisfied."

-- Richard Foster

This feels so perfect, real, and true as I move gently into my 2009, such a beautiful accompaniment to, and reminder of, my life's peaceful, quiet journey home. It is not about busily striving to find fame, happiness, importance, success, or wealth; it is about relaxing into what is, into every single circumstance and moment and relationship, and discovering its overwhelming abundance, beauty, joy, significance, substance, truth, and wonder, with "that ability being the success."

And to my many "friends in recovery" (or, might I say, "fellows in folie à deux") out there who might want a more "Twelve Steppy" interpretation:

Step Twelve: HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING AS A RESULT OF THESE STEPS, WE TRIED TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS AND TO PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS.

...We've also found that service has worked out best for us when we had no expectations regarding the outcome. When we set out to fix other people, we usually failed, despite lavishing long hours on them. Nor do we need to devise plans for saving the whole world in order to work step twelve. God finds many ways to help people through us as long as we are willing to do what we can, when we can, and keep ourselves on the path of our own spiritual progress.


And if you'd like to meet a man who clearly understood all of this, and who has since "graduated on," after having written down and left his experience and wisdom for his wife to pass on to his only son, then check this out, and please be sure to keep lots of tissues handy. Charles Munroe King clearly had this ability: http://spotlight.news.yahoo.com/v/11317059.

Prayer

I don't believe there could be a better way to start 2009 than in deep concentration on the very rich subject of prayer. Prayer is quite a misunderstood practice, held in a very limited, naive way by many who would only seek God out to have Him solve their latest toughest problem or to save them in their next hour of most desperate need - i.e.; as a "last resort" kind of gesture in which there's usually very little "cheerful (or any kind of, except maybe to be disappointed or let down again) expectancy," which comes only from intimate awareness and oft-repeated experience. Prayer is much more of an "ongoing conversation" (than a desperate act) that accompanies a powerful "way of life" (vs. the occasional gesture) and reflects a profound "personal relationship with Him" (vs. a fear-based and trembling "visit to the Wizard of Oz"). As such, I thought I would tap a few masters on the subject to reveal and explore the deeper truth about prayer. Enjoy the ride!

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think that I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the sincere desire to please You does, in fact, please You.
And I hope I have that sincere desire in the heart of all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that deep desire.
And I know that if I do this You will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.
-- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

"Prayer is the movement of trust, of gratitude, of adoration, or of sorrow, that places us before and with God, seeing both Him and ourselves in the light of His infinite truth, and moves us to ask Him for the mercy, the spiritual strength, the material help, that we all need. All true prayer somehow confesses our absolute dependence on the Lord of life and death. It is, therefore, a deep, ongoing, and vital contact with Him whom we know not only as Lord but as Father. It is when we pray truly that we really are. Our being is brought to a high perfection by this."

-- Thomas Merton

"Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow Someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched. ... Prayer is first of all listening for and to God. It requires a total openness. God is always speaking; He's always doing something. Prayer is to enter into that activity with Him. ... Convert your thoughts into prayer. As we are involved in unceasing thinking, so we are called to unceasing prayer. The difference is not that prayer is thinking about other things, but that prayer is thinking in dialogue, in harmony ... an aligned and intimate conversation with God."

-- Henri Nouwen

"To pray, I think, does not mean to think about God in contrast to thinking about other things, or to spend time with God instead of spending time with other people. Rather, it means to think and live in the presence of God. As soon as we begin to divide our thoughts about God and thoughts about people and events, we remove God from our daily life and put him into a pious little niche where we can think pious thoughts and experience pious feelings. ... Although it is important and even indispensable for the spiritual life to set apart time for God and God alone, prayer can only become unceasing prayer when all our thoughts -- beautiful or ugly, high or low, proud or shameful, sorrowful or joyful -- can be thought in the presence of God. ... Thus, converting our unceasing thinking into unceasing prayer moves us from a self-centered monologue to a God-centered dialogue."

-- Henri Nouwen, in Clowning in Rome

"Prayer is basic. Prayer is basic because it provides the primary language for everything that takes place on the way of Jesus. If we go to a shopping mall in North America, we speak English to get what we want. If we go to a restaurant in France, we speak French to order our meal. If we travel in Greece, we speak Greek to find our way to the Acropolis. And if we decide to follow Jesus, we pray. We pray because it is the only language we have for speaking to the God revealed in Jesus. It is also the only language we have for listening to the commands and blessings and guidance that God provides through Jesus. God is nothing if not personal. Both God and we humans are most personal, most characteristically our unique selves, in our use of language. When language has to do with God and us, us and God, we call that prayer. What I want to insist on is that prayer is not something added onto the life of following him. It is the language and way of being in which that life is lived out, nurtured, developed, revealed, informed; the language in which it believes, loves, explores, seeks, and finds. There are no shortcuts or detours. Prayer is the cradle language among those who are 'born anew' and then the intimate, familiar, developing language of 'growing up' to follow the way of Jesus. But because in our secularized society prayer is often associated with what people of 'religious' interests pursue or with formal acts conducted by professional leaders, it is necessary from time to time to call attention to the fact that prayer is the street language of the soul that we use with Jesus, who walks the streets with us."

-- Eugene H. Peterson, in The Jesus Way

"If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get His help, and you won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who 'worry their prayers' are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

-- James 1:5-8 (The Message)

Isn't it true (let's be honest with ourselves, folks) that we rarely really know what we're doing? So, in other words, be with Him in the midst of everything, knowing that you will not have to search hard and long to find Him, and you will always get what you need. In other words, take Mark 11:24 (one of my very favorite Bible verses) very seriously:

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

And now for my deeply personal, thankful "practice:"

Dear God:

I am so moved and thankful to be able to finally see Your magnificent hand at work. As I enter a new calendar year, 2009, while almost halfway through my 55th year in this human form called "Jim," I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this ability to see the beauty and perfection in having been planted amidst such painful brokenness. As a young child You did this, and I could only feel my own brokenness, desperation, fear, and victimhood, and I let go of any thoughts of You and became bitter and insecure about my mistreatment at the hands of others, as well as becoming an "excellent performer" amidst the chaos, as a carefully measured way to survive it all and look above it. (These were my very young Bruce Wayne days, from the early part of the movie, "Batman Begins," where chaos reigns supreme and overwhelms his childhood.)

As a young adult You did it again, then time and time again, and I became filled up with myself as I began to think that something was "wrong" with others and the world (having totally lost sight of myself) and it was my job to fix it all for them, and I went through several iterations of "attempting to fix it" for several communities in which You planted me, and I could only sustain my own false "magnificence" and "savior status" for so long before I and it collapsed in total exhaustion, shame, and human wreckage, often led by my own. You stood by diligently and let me try and fail, time and time again, in the blind, so that I could finally begin to see, on my own terms, that we are creative partners, and that I was observing and learning and failing my way back into the originally designed partnership. (These were my young adult, tough guy, immature, totally ego-driven days of creating my false superhero status - my "Batman" - as "Jokers" began to appear everywhere, and I set out to take them head on and destroy them, all while destroying myself in the process.)

And here I am now, as a gradually maturing adult (who still has the tender heart of a child, and how did You do that?), planted amidst it all in overwhelming and unprecedented diversity and volume, where so much of it is calling out my name and desperately asking for help and hope, but now I am more fully aware of and thankful for the "perceived" overwhelming pain and drama of human existence, so that I can have the privilege of seeing what You have done and are doing for me play out in the lives of others, so that I can simply stand by diligently, with a heart of love and service, and without too many words or attempted fixes, as You boldly and adoringly move others through their own painful observing and learning through failing process, all with me not having to do anything more than marvel and delight in Your magnificence, as I consistently see and reflect the beauty of their struggle, standing firmly in the hope they seek. Thank You for the clarity. I am so clear. Thank You for trusting me. I am so trusting. Thank you for the love and tenderness. I am overflowing with love and tenderness for so many hurting souls today, and what an honor and privilege. (These are my "Alfred" days, for which I am so incredibly grateful, and now, as I look back on all of it, I am grateful for all of it, seeing its necessity.)

Amen.

This is my life's living, breathing prayer.

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."

-- T.S. Eliot
(which I picked out and chose to read, having finally come
to understand it, at my father's funeral in late 2003)

Interesting dichotomy

"In our frantic, greedy, and insecure drive to accumulate money and new material goods, status and new worldly symbols of success, many of us neglect our greatest and most reliable assets in creating and maintaining true (as well as - and actually including - physical) success in life, which is ourselves (our overall health, self-awareness, and well-being, as well as that sense of peace that can only come from our deep connection with our Creator) and the authenticity, intimacy, and sincerity of our relationships with others."

-- Lloyd Thomas, Ph.D.

"Americans have been conditioned to respect newness, whatever it costs them."

-- John Updike

Isn't this an interesting aspect of our very human nature? - that we tend to continually want the appearance of "newness" on the external periphery of our lives (our cars, our cell phones, our clothing, our computers, our games, our golf clubs, our houses, our jobs, our physical bodies, our relationships, our vacation spots, and even - on a national scale - our military weaponry), as if these "things" reveal something really important and very meaningful and ultimately valuable about us.

But when it comes to exploring new frontiers inside ourselves, digging far beneath the surface of our lives to discover all new emotional and spiritual terrain, to gain new understanding of ourselves, to renew ourselves within the depths of our souls (vs. the delusional attempts to do so through surface primping - along with the occasional surgical assistance - often amidst much external pomp and circumstance), we are much less inclined, much less prone to, or even comfortable with change. What does this tell us about ourselves?Here's to going deeper and deeper into truly meaningful life in the New Year, where the only "newness" sought after is the newness we feel inside ourselves as we excavate through our defenses and ego structures to the next layer of understanding of ourselves, and to the next level of intimacy with He who made us (into the "white space").

"Works and things that are most notable for their newness grow old quickly. We are searching for something meaningful and timeless rather than something material and timely."

-- Jeffrey Hessing

"Find the seed at the very bottom of your heart and bring forth a magnificent flower."

-- Shigenori Kameoka

Have a Happy New Year, Everyone!

May you burst forth and thrive!

Frost/Nixon - return of the gladiators

And while I'm self-examining and reflecting on the power of our illusions, here's a little rumination from the weekend:

Last Saturday I went to see the movie, "Frost/Nixon." It was an entertaining movie that I was thoroughly enjoying (I'm somewhat puzzled to say), and that made me question why mid-stream. I remembered the actual historical event very well. I was 23 at the time of the original taping and very moved by the power and prestige of these two men at the time, actually envious of them, if I'm to be totally honest. They seemed to capture people's attention (who cares about what - it was their power to draw an audience that I noticed), and I really wanted that. And then right there in the movie theater (sitting there now in another lifetime, 31 years later, along with a whole theater full of people that looked right about my age, which was really weird) it hit me really hard - right during the scene when Nixon (after a drink or two, supposedly) actually called David Frost (or so the movie suggested) at his hotel the night before that fateful last day of shooting (that being the day when Nixon supposedly "came clean" with the American public, but not really), and they had the most poignant, riveting conversation (more a Nixon monologue, really, but they were like two caged animals, side by side, waiting for their staged battle) - that I was watching (and even rather morbidly enjoying) the "return of the gladiators," for these were quite literally "owned warriors" (owned by money and mass marketing mania and the perverse effect these things had on their over-inflated, over-compensating egos that were covering up fragile, frail, deeply wounded little boys), paraded before royalty (those in real power) and the masses alike, to "entertain" us in their epic "battle for survival."

As it became painfully clear to me how pathetic what I was watching actually was, I became aware of my own ridiculously staged "gladiator gig" during one dreadful stage of my life, and my rabid desire for approval from those mad "powers that be," so much so that I would do just about anything to please them so that I would be "allowed" to live and fight another day in the sun. It was quite a revelation. The human ego is such an amazingly powerful thing. We are so easily deluded, prodded, and seduced into games that have no meaning, other than as entertainment for those even sicker than ourselves. This non-event (two washed-up "has beens," duking it out for a return to stardom) was made into high drama, with Nixon getting paid $600,000 for the right to be interviewed and Frost being granted the possibility of a return to "household name status" in the U.S. (something he deeply coveted), and all of it based on utter nonsense. We knew who did what, and we knew who needed what, and we knew that none of that really mattered in the end, and yet we watched anyway. We are such odd creatures of hideous and hilarious habit, all in the name of honor, the ultimate form of hubrus.

It is so cool to no longer feel the need to play out my ego dramas on a grand stage, or to buy acceptance or love from a mass audience based on the quality of my performance or my ability to seduce others into my particular form of juvenile angst. Yes, Alfred, like you suggested to Bruce (but he couldn't possibly understand) in the movie, "The Dark Knight," I no longer have to "burn down the jungle" (killing all who live there) to find and snuff out my life's boogey men. They are all me, and I own them completely, and I can take them on within myself with His help, without having to draw in millions of "viewers" or literally leave lives torn up and hanging in the balance.

And if I truly want to "help," to touch the world in some meaningful way, then the first and most important thing is to "let God help me." And external bigness and mass appeal of the story of "my getting helped" is irrelevant, really, because, as Shane Claiborne recently said in The Irresistible Revolution, "God's kingdom grows smaller and smaller as it takes over the world."

"We can do not great things, only small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it."

-- Mother Teresa

Here's to my staying small, aware of my powerlessness, intimately connected to the few who walk or talk with me, focused on all that really matters, Him and what He's doing, and who I become in the midst of that - His adored child.

The terrifying discipline involved in self-mastery

OK, for those who took yesterday's message seriously, let's keep the pressure on and go deeper, and, as a famous explorer once said, "If you are going to live an unexamined life, at least don't inflict it on other people."

"It is never of any use to blame the looking glass when your face is awry."

-- Nikolai Gogol

"If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-awareness and self-knowledge are painful and we prefer the pleasure of illusions."

-- Aldous Huxley

"It takes at least 10,000 hours of intensive attention to any particular discipline to even 'begin' to master it; it takes way more than that to begin to master yourself."

-- Florence Scovel-Shinn

"Unless we can bear self-mortification, we shall not be able to carry self-examination to the necessary painful depths. Without humility and determination in the deep probing there can be no illuminating self-discovery."

-- Arnold Toynbee

"You must begin to know, understand, and more fully value who you are (the God-made you, as distinguished from the ego-based, self-made you) in order to be able to authentically and lovingly, and with no strings attached, 'lay yourself down' or 'sacrifice yourself' on behalf of the 'greater good' or another person."

-- Yours Truly

"A man who is master of himself can deconstruct a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. It's not about his circumstances, but his freedom of choice. I don't ever want to be at the mercy of, or a victim of, my thoughts and feelings. I want to feel and express them, to enjoy them, and ultimately to dominate them in my effective choices."

-- Oscar Wilde

"There's a lot of fear connected with the inner journey, because it penetrates our illusions. Taking the inner journey will lead you into some very shadowy places. You're going to learn things about yourself that you'll wish you didn't know. There are monsters in there—monsters you can't control at times—but trying to keep them hidden will only give them greater power."

-- Parker Palmer

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves (or the way they think, speak, and act); they therefore remain bound (by unconscious habits). The man who does not shrink from 'self-crucifixion' can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. Once you begin to understand your nature you will notice that you are literally what you choose to think, and what you accomplish or fail to accomplish with your life will be the direct result of your thoughts, whether consciously chosen or not. You will become as small as your controlling desire (or automatic, habitual, unconscious ways of thinking), or as great as your dominant aspiration (with your consciously chosen and disciplined words, thoughts, dreams, and actions becoming an inspiration - both to yourself and others)."

-- James Allen

"The words 'I am...' are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you."

-- A.L. Kitselman

So, when I state that "I am" a student of life and love, following in the footsteps of Jesus, I need not be surprised at all by the hands reaching back for me, or the claim that is being layed over my life, or the wild journey I'm taken on, eh A.E? The only reason we are coming to know this "self" of our own creation is not to get consumed by it or lost in it, but so that we can move it aside, and regain our sense of Oneness with our Creator, for when we stop and listen, we hear:

"Do you not know that . . . you are not your own?" — 1 Corinthians 6:19 (NIV)

Spiritual training and fitness

"God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as His dear child. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves (without feedback, instruction, and/or warning). Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is truly best for us, training us to live His holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the disciplined and well-trained who find themselves mature and open in their relationship with God.

So don't sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it! Run for dear life!

Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you'll never get so much as a glimpse of Him. Make sure no one gets left out of God's generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. Watch out for the 'Esau syndrome:' trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God's blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears."

-- Hebrews 12:7-17 (The Message)

This reads like a powerful response to yesterday's message. How interesting. In fact, it feels like a useful response to almost any question that sounds like, "Is God listening?" or "Is He even there?" What if He is our silent (and sometimes not so silent) personal trainer, more diligently concerned with our ongoing, long-term health, welfare, and well-being than with our convenience, expedience, or pleasure in the fleeting moment at hand.

And during our training for the marathon that is our spiritual development, we have no time for the so many variations on the "greasy cheeseburger" theme that are thrust at us from every direction and in so many different seductive packages, all bringing momentary sensual pleasure that comes from the sickening fat content, which then only leaves us feeling heavy and lethargic, killing our motivation and passion for the race. We can't afford our petty self-indulgences, not because they're not attractive or even good, but because they keep us from appreciating the truly great work that following Him does for, in, and through us over the long haul.

You might be asking, "What kind of acting, speaking, or thinking is it that I can't afford anymore due to my training?" That's simple, here are a few examples, in alphabetical order (these are examples of the "greasy cheeseburgers" you can no longer afford to eat or serve): apathy, banality, cruelty, duality, elitism, fatalism, greed, hate, ignorance, jadedness, knuckleheadedness, lustfulness, monkeymindedness, narcissism, overbearingness, pettiness, querulousness, rudeness, secretiveness, thanklessness, undermining, vileness, willfulness, xenophobia, yammering, zealotry. There are many more.