An unlonely loneliness

"We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our own hearts and to love no one or the wrong people and to die lonely and lost."

-- Nicholas Cage's character in the movie, "Moonstruck"

"The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence."

-- Thomas Wolfe

And if you want to see and have a vivid experience of the above words in a current hit movie (and why you would want to do this I just don't know, other than to learn from it), check out "There Will Be Blood," a movie that is like a kick in the stomach (http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi2734031129/), a movie which has all of the above ingredients, with no real redemption in sight for anyone, anytime, anywhere.

This sure can be a bleak, lonely life and world without seeking out and finding faith and forgiveness and hope in the midst of the penetrating, pervasive misery. And we so often cause or worsen it for ourselves in our attitude toward other people when we hold them down in harsh judgment as our burden, our cross, our curse, our demons, our judge and jury, our wicked tormentors. We get to rise up from our loneliness and despair only when we fight off our own overwhelming tendency to create and feed the lie that life is an ongoing terrifying tragedy filled with unloving, unreliable, untrustworthy "people." But with Him beside and inside us, we can escape our loneliness or at least learn to feel very unlonely in it. It can be and often is a very lonely path, this human walk of life, but we have such awesome Company available at our beckon call, and it makes other people's company much more enjoyable and light, this possibility of "living freely and fully," without any expectation or desperate need for others to be a certain way in order for us to be OK.

"Remember that if we hold someone down in harsh judgment (regardless of what they've done or what we think they've done to us), then some part of us gets dragged down there with them and bludgeoned to death. If we buy into a harsh judgment about them, then WE stop them from becoming who they might be, and in turn we deny ourselves the opportunity to benefit from their miraculous uplift. Faith without unity is a one-legged man. You may be able to stand up, but you will have difficulty walking. We need to have faith in the ability of others to see themselves and grow closer to Him, and to know that they really mean us no harm in their struggle to grow, just as we mean them no harm in ours. We need to ruthlessly hold out the highest possibility for each other, so at least there is a common space we can all shift to, a space that will benefit all of us. Others really can be more of what we need, when we have faith in them, truly believe in them, while receiving our comfort, support, and validation only from our Creator, the only truly reliable Source. Without that faith and trust in others, whether we think they deserve it or not, we trap both them and ourselves in a most miserable loneliness and despair."

-- A.C. Ping, in Faith

People can't be trusted. This is true. We are all liars and thiefs, bound up in our own neediness and weakness. However, when I trust another anyway, with my eyes and heart wide open, knowing that there are no grounds to, and there is no evidence supporting the reason to, something truly amazing can happen, and the likelihood of being amazed and joyfully surprised goes up dramatically. People seem to love to rise up to meet impossible possibilities for themselves. We love a worthy challenge, and the challenge to be and do good from within our dark and dreary humanity is a very compelling notion, indeed. But first we must see the truth about ourselves.

When you trust yourself or other people blindly and naively, "expecting" full trustworthiness, putting your faith in only yourself or them, you and those people are set up to fail miserably. And when you act totally distrustingly toward yourself and others, there is no possibility of anything miraculous ever happening. But when you stand firm in your "compelling illusion of loneliness," knowing that you are alone, while also Knowing that you are alone only in your mind, and are with God and connected to all in spirit, putting your total faith in Him, and then you trust another simply because He said to, knowing that He is about to do His thing in growing us closer to Him, it's like a step off the cliff and into His arms, and all of a sudden everything is possible, and the loneliness becomes much less intolerable, much more unlonely.

The possibility of miracles, and the growth of a surprising trustworthiness in both ourselves and other people, always goes up exponentially with an attitude and bold expressions of our relentless faith, no matter how much we've suffered. It is only in and through Him that we can ever become more than our very limited human selves. But with Him we can move mountains, and other people will answer the call and follow, and all will be surprised by how amazingly beautiful the togetherness and unity feel.

What we can learn from history and His story about "rebuilding the walls" of our lives

First, what we can learn from history (ponder deeply if you can - it says much with few words):

"First, whom the gods would destroy they must first make mad with wealth and power.
Second, the mills of God grind slowly,yet they grind exceedingly small.
Third, the bee actually fertilizes the flower it robs.
Fourth, only when it is dark enough can you see the stars."

-- historian Charles A. Beard, when asked what he had learned from history

Second, what we can learn from His story (ponder deeply if you can - it says more with even fewer words):

Obedience does not earn God's favor

-- it simply positions us to receive
what God's grace so passionately wants to give.

What we learn from His story is how to
discover, celebrate, and fully appreciate our lives.

For example:

Discover Your Life!

The Story of Nehemiah (a visionary leader of his life)

Life.

It's happening all around us. Every moment of every day. Another one just passed you by. Did you notice it? Day after day, a thousand times a day. And throughout those days, there are some moments that define our lives. But only when we boldy step into them — when we seize those moments and fully live them — do we discover our lives. Otherwise, they pass us by. And so many do for so many.

Nehemiah was a royal cupbearer for the King of Persia. It was a position of influence and prestige and security. But one day... one moment... he received news that his homeland of Jerusalem was falling apart and in desperate need. He was stunned, saddened, and moved to act. The moment sunk in and set its roots. Though Nehemiah didn't know it at the time, that moment would define the rest of his life.

In Nehemiah's story, preserved for us in ancient scripture, we observe the unfolding of a life that was "discovered." A man who was merely existing — punching the clock, putting in his time, paying his bills, and enjoying the comforts of his position — became a man who was living on the edge of a wild blue adventure with God. In the end, his life carries so much significance that his story is preserved in scripture as one of the greatest leaders the people of God ever had.

As we observe his story, we learn some things. We learn lessons and secrets and even the dangers of discovering our lives. We learn how to pay attention to life, to present moments, and to the sacredness of others. How to prepare ourselves on the inside. How to intentionally stumble into these special moments and relationships with reckless abandon, risking it all. We learn the genuine and daunting threats that we face when we truly discover who we were made to be. We learn the price that must be paid by people who are willing to do whatever it takes.

Good grief! Yes, I mean that - grief, and it is very, very good.

So, first some imagery, and then some further context, and then an intriguing parallel to a modern story, with the common theme being "rebuilding the walls of your life through a radical discovery of purpose:"

http://www.raystedman.org/adventure/0216.html

and the parallel:

http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/arts/story.html?id=329747e3-ebe1-457b-b618-bc52d6c7430f&k=41993

And now we've come full circle - with a review of possible future history through a review of what is possible when we pay attention to His story. And one final piece of good news. I feel that the Nehemiah story, more than the Children of Men story, was sent to my attention as an omen, that I won't actually have to die in mid-mission to get the job done. I feel a long life coming of being and living the "repairing of the city walls of my homeland."And I don't have to "die in the middle" while living out my calling, just "die daily" to my old life as cupbearer.

P.S. I want to thank everyone who responded to my message yesterday - thank you from the bottom of my heart for your warmth and understanding and compassion. I love you very much.

Asking for your help, crying out for His

"You already know the formula; 'Ask and you shall receive.' And, you already know that it's not just another good idea. Asking is the only way to get what you're seeking in your life, in your relationships, in your communities, or in your business. Asking may not be your forte, and it might not even be a whole lot of fun. In fact, I have found that most people prefer to do it all themselves rather than ask others for help. Think about this, though, asking the right question at the right time, of the right people, can bring you the most wonderful experience of your value, of what you need and how eager others are to help, or of the fulfillment of your dream faster than you could ever hope to get there on your own! So why are you not out there asking for what it is that you really need?"

-- Robert Imbriale

OK, with this as inspiration, and my memory of a long year of financial suffering in 2002, I am going to simply ask specifically for what I need right now. I need some financial relief going into the second half of this year. I'm OK right now, but things are getting tighter than they've been for quite a while, both in terms of contributions slowly drying up (most everything "regular" that I have come to depend on over the last few years is gone now or about to dip dramatically) and there's a little trouble brewing with some big, albeit normal and expected everyday life kind of expenses that are showing up and starting to pile up on us. If you have been contributing to my life and ministry regularly, based on your desire to do so or the value received, I say a huge "Thank You!" Thank you for answering His call to help and support. And if you haven't, and feel so inspired based on your awareness or receipt of what I do - of who I am for you and the world - I could really use a little help from you in and after the summertime. In 2002, I waited a whole year before I asked, and that was way too painful and slow to turn around, although it did, and just in time. Now, I have waited over only a few months of solitary stress, but the time has come, I think. For whatever reason, money has slowed to a trickle. I know it is time to reflect on why that might be so, but it is also time to state my condition and ask for help, if there is any to be had out there. Please help if you can, to whatever level feels right for you. And if you can't or choose not to, thanks for being a safe place where I can share myself, exactly as I am. I am trusting God that He is somehow going to use the community I have cultivated so lovingly on His behalf to be the source of the solution, if there's one to be had right now (and maybe there's not - maybe this is required, and if so that's OK, too), and exactly to the extent needed to keep me going forward, ever deeper. And I know I'm going to keep going deeper (even though it's a little scary). In that, I really don't have a choice anymore. No matter what happens with money, the journey continues ...

OK, so that was the first draft of my thoughts, written a little while ago when the pain was growing but was still simmering on a slow side burner - that was my carefully packaged and presented cry for help to you, my clients and friends in community. Now for the much more real plea to Him, with the fire raging and white HOT: God, please don't make this harder on me than it's been. I'm dying under the weight of it, and I can't take it anymore, and yet I know that I will if you ask me to. Please help me, Father. Please hear my cries on my knees for your continued blessings of faith and hope and love in the midst of so much hardship in the world. These are the blessings, I know, and I have received them in abundance over the years, and it's not the money that counts or matters at all, really - it's just a tool - but I need a hand with that tool right now. It is getting really hard and painful. Please HELP! I am ready to receive all that You have to offer, knowing full well that my ego might not like it or feel that it's good enough. But I really do know that I am enough for You, and fully understand that You are more than enough for me.

And then I went out by myself for Asian food last night, and for a little peace and quiet, a chance to unwind and reflect, after a long day of giving myself out, and I never can help checking out the fortune cookies, so I grabbed two, and here they are:

"Be prepared to accept a wondrous new opportunity for growth in the days ahead."
(uh-oh, he said, with an ever-so-slightly fearful idea of what that means, at least the nature of it)

"It is sometimes better to travel with hope than to arrive."
(I get this, and I have lots of hope, so I feel refreshed in my traveling with it, with no need to arrive anytime soon.)

In my deepest sincerity, I ask that you read this in the context of a deep sharing of my very temporary confusion, fear, and pain (in other words, my very normal human emotions), and that you not feel any undue concern or pressure or sense of obligation to do anything at all to fix it. God's got the ball. He's given me the faith. I believe in Him, and know that He will and always does provide everything I need. I only ask that you see me and know who I am. I am a living, breathing, thriving revolution!

"The greatest revolutions in history have not changed the world, they have changed man."

-- Eric Hiller

"Without faith, we confine ourselves to continuing to live in a world dominated by fear and greed and neediness. Without faith we cling desperately to the cloak of cynicism to protect ourselves from being hurt by others. And most importantly, without faith we undermine our own ability to get and stay on our life path and really BE who we are and DO what we're here to do. Instead, we put ourselves in situations where our own fears and doubts consume our passions and kill our dreams. We must do whatever we must do, express whatever we must express, in order to release these things and jump wholeheartedly into the great unknown. So, are you prepared to jump?"

-- A.C. Ping, in Faith

YES! as Shakespeare said, "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more ..."

P.S. This came to me this morning as i was about to fire this message off:

"Life and God show up in the face of our unsolvable problems, once we reach out and offer ourselves to others right in the midst of our total unresolvedness. And if you need an unsolvable problem to trigger this for you, you don't have to look very far."

And yes, I agree, it's most definitely time to receive, Bruce!

Pecking and Pauling away at old habits of rank and status and the Dawning of a new era

In our efforts to become more truly ourselves as leaders, we are being challenged to "break the mold" when it comes to our businesses, churches, non-profits, schools, and all other community leadership structures. Here's to the full-out celebration and embracing of that challenging opportunity. May we die to the meaningless/mundane of our own making every day and seize the magical/miraculous of Him, even (make that especially) when it costs us everything!

"Many people are either unwilling or unable to suffer the pain of giving up the 'outgrown' in them which needs to be forsaken. Consequently they cling, often forever, to their old patterns of thinking and behaving, thus failing to negotiate any crisis, to truly grow up and to experience the joyful sense of rebirth that accompanies the successful transition into greater maturity. . . . The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur right after times when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we're likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

-- M. Scott Peck

"Professionalism, even elitism, marks the sermon and the service and distinguishes clergy from congregation. Paul faced something similar at Corinth. The strong had transferred to themselves certain social and religious marks of rank and status — education, eloquence, a leader’s style, even clothing. They had also come to regard the fruits of Christ’s work — the Spirit and the evidences of his presence — as further marks of status, even ‘spiritual’ status. Paul would not tolerate this creation of new rank within the assembly. He urged the Corinthians to see what they had as gifts of grace. They must honour the least honourable. This was not a conventional stance. This was not moral. This was not theology. This was not about words. This was the very meaning of grace and maturity.

Paul urged leaders to imitate his personal example of how the message of Jesus actually inverted rank and status. He was at pains to dissociate himself from the sophists, those travelling orator-teacher-lawyers of his day (1 Cor 2:1-5). Though undoubtedly educated and skilled, he did not imitate the sophists’ eloquence and persona. In so doing, Paul set himself on a collision course with the contemporary conventions of personal appearance, decorum, and honour — and even with his potential patrons. He refused to show favouritism towards individuals or ekkl?siai. The gospel offered him rights, but he refused them. Christ was not a means to a career. Yet the agendas and processes of maintaining and reforming evangelical life and thought remain the domain of professional scholars and clergy. Their ministry is their career. Paul invites us to not ever be so restricted."

-- Mark Strom

"Science is the realm of analysis, information, knowledge, and the practical realities that ensue from such (with business as the mass production and distribution of same), while wisdom relates to right living, the right application of knowledge in life. Where knowledge puffs up, wisdom grants us right perspective. Where information gives us power and control via distance and supposed objectivity, wisdom shows us how we are interdependent, related and connected under God to creation and all of humankind. Where science is often violent and amoral, wisdom tells us that we are called to peace and shows us that we are responsible to all humankind as recipients of grace and mercy. Where science calls us to share information through transactions, wisdom prompts us to become a connected teaching with our lives. Where church growth technologies undergirded by the scientific method call us to measure success by attendance, buildings, and cash flow, the gospels call us to measure success by other ABCs - authenticity, belonging, and cultivating Christ. The church is only 'successful' in serving God’s purposes when its members become and behave more like Christ, accepting and living in the Kingdom now, taking Christ into their own hearts and then to the world in a totally accepting, generous, gracious, loving, and Kingdom-sharing agenda, vs. espousing an agenda about him that doesn't actually live him, that is, underneath it all, about expanding their own effectiveness, their own influence, their own rank, their own status, and their own shallow and meaningless worldly success."

-- Marva Dawn

"Too many leaders are bottlenecks in a living organism, insisting that all information flow through them and that they are involved in every decision. Leadership, however (as markedly different than management), has little to do with who makes decisions. Instead, biblical leadership is about forming culture and drawing attention to God. The New Testament doesn’t give us much information on the structure of communities because the ethos is more important than the form. It is the culture of the communities and the life of Christ they express that is most critical. . . . and the word 'leader' is avoided in the New Testament, and instead a new word is used: diakonia. Words that suggest a rigid relationship between ruler and ruled were unusable in this new form of community."

-- David Fitch, in The Great Giveaway: Reclaiming the Mission of the Church
from Big Business, Parachurch Organizations, Psychotherapy,
Consumer Capitalism, and other Modern Maladies

"Management is about caution, control, protection, stability; leadership is about bold change, new hope, fiery inspiration, extravagant love."

-- Fritjof Capra

As I find myself being called to more and more meetings about community leadership within the context of spiritual development, these two hot ones dropped into my chest yesterday. Enjoy!

"Just remember that Church (as well as any business, non-profit, school, etc. with the audacity to have a spiritual agenda) is just temporary human 'scaffolding' on the face of what God's building. Don't get carried away with it - in other words, remember what you're doing and what He's doing and where your humble assistance fits in the grand scheme of things."

-- John Howard Yoder

"This work (my own spiritual development) is not about 'developing and delivering' the fancy performances, photo shoots, presentations, programs, sermons, speeches, etc. that hide the squirming, squirley (sp?) life I'm living (that all too often has been the focus), but it's about 'learning how to live' in having my clandestine crap and clever creativity continuously torn down every day."

-- Yours Truly

The lack of freedom in "free market economics"

OK, when I enjoy a book, I really enjoy it, and share it freely. So here goes, free sharing, about the so many free ways that we totally lose our freedom. The "system" we live in here in America, you know, the one that applauds, celebrates, and passionately promotes our so-called "freedoms" - well, how free do we think we are, really? How free do we truly live in our daily, everyday lives, in our battles with both ouselves and the ways of the world?

Unbidden seeds of regret
born on malicious backs
Bloom in weary kingdoms.
-- Anonymous

"Free market economics is based on the assumption that we are all rational beings. That, if we are faced with a choice between one brand of widget costing one dollar versus another brand (of seemingly equal quality and utility) costing two dollars, we will very reasonably choose the cheaper one. However, philosophers have coined the term 'rational fool' to describe the person who makes short-term decisions for their own benefit (for example, cost savings) without taking into account the long-term implications of those decisions (for example, effect on environment or others). I think that in the Western world we have become masters of creating rational fools.

Free market economics is a beautiful theory that makes perfect sense when viewed through idealistic, myopic eyes. Why wouldn't we want to support a system that gives all of us the ability to choose from a variety of different products all delivered to us at the best possible prices? To be free to work for whomever we want at the highest negotiated wages and to be free to invest in whatever we want, based on clear indications of return on investment possibilities? Freedom and equality - that's what it's all about, right? And who could possibly argue with that?

Hmmm . . . Great idea, but let's look at the reality. Am I being cynical if I suggest that the real values driving our society, now that free market philosophy is at its heart, are greed and fear? I know, I know, it's an outrageous suggestion, but consider the facts. We are all little pawns in the free market system, desperately trying to look after ourselves while competing against everyone else. Take the example of layoffs - we are all trying to outdo each other so we don't lose our jobs. Or promotions - we are all trying to get ahead on the corporate ladder, make more money, and have more assets, so that we are protected from negative circumstances.

Why, you might ask? Because money talks. The more money you have, the more you think you can protect yourself from the nasty elements of society. You can drive a car to work instead of catching a bus and having to be with other people who might be dangerous; you can have private health insurance instead of having to depend on Medicaid or get by with no coverage at all; you can live in a place that has security gates to keep out the riff raff and solicitors; and so on. The more money you have, the more opportunities you can create for yourself and your offspring - you can afford to join private clubs where you can meet good people who make good money and/or are good business contacts and/or who give you little snippets of inside information. You can send your children to private schools, buy them a place in one of the best colleges, afford to send them overseas for exposure (but not too much, to where it's dangerous) to other cultures, and eventually get them a job in a corporation run by one of the people you've met at your private club - in other words, someone just like you.

That's all fair and good, isn't it? I don't know. I think it sounds more like the line in the movie Wall Street - 'You're either on the inside or on the outside, and there's nothing in between.' The problem is that we all know that there's nothing in between, so we all fear that we could be left on the outside, looking in. We'd really like to be able to genuinely care about and get to know the people left on the outside, but we're too busy trying to make sure that we stay on the inside. And because of our fears, we are happy to do the things that intuitively we wouldn't want to have done to us, ever. We fire or lay off ineffective, lazy people, push the remaining people to work harder than is good for them and their families, and cut as many corners as we can so that the company we work for (our newly appointed god) can make as much money as possible as quickly as possible, so that we can be assured of our place in the sun and maybe even get a nice bonus or a raise. We are always chasing that dangling carrot, and no longer even see other people, not even our own families, the very ones we are trying to protect and support.

Along the way we are bombarded by all manner of messages that reinforce the fact that we need to have more things to be OK. Because, let's face it, if you're working your ass off for some corporation, then you need to have something to provide you with a sense that you are really successful (especially since it's so intuitively obvious that you are a slave) - things like newer cars, bigger houses, fancier clothes, and lots of the latest cool trinkets and gadgets. Every day we see hundreds of advertisements showing us how happy we could be if we could just have that big-screen TV, a new BMW, some nice new clothes that show off our nice new body parts, and maybe even a cell phone that takes pictures and plays music. So what is the effect of all of this, and what has this got to do with faith?

Well, instead of being consciously emotional and intentionally rational, our unconscious emotions drive our every unreasonable action. Unfortunately, fear and greed dominate the world, and they are the emotions that start to control us, even while playing golf at the private club. We fear that if someone else has more (or more chance to have more), then we are left with less, so it becomes all about fear and getting more to alleviate it. We fear that if we don't 'look after business,' all the time and as the highest priority, then no one else will. Greed drives us to have more and more and more . . .

The result? Are we now afraid of each other in our exhaustion and insufficient time? If we are afraid of each other and the unavailability of time, which just causes more fear and panic, then what sort of world are we creating via our collective beliefs - our faith in the wrong god? Is this really freedom? It's impossible to live a life of conscious and intentional faith and love when locked into lives of unconscious fear and greed. The first step in any change is always awareness - becoming aware of your own unconscious choice of enslavement, and then asking for help to get out."

-- A.C. Ping, in Faith

We are not victims of anyone or anything; we do not need other people's or society's "protection" (how could we possibly get it from a system that claims to be for our benefit while so dependent on our continuous discontent, with "more" as the universal answer to every question?); we are capable of choosing our God more wisely and following Him more diligently. Paradoxically speaking, disciplined and single-minded followership, completely letting go of our dependence on the world's ways, is the only access to true and complete personal freedom.

"The gaps are the thing. The gaps are the spirit's one home, the altitudes and latitudes so dazzlingly spare and clean and devoid of clutter and nonsense that the spirit can discover, explore, and revel in itself like a once blind man unbound."

-- Annie Dillard

"The mark of your lingering ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice, scarcity, and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly."

-- Richard Bach

"Because the sage always confronts difficulties - in fact, he seeks them out, rather than seeking comfort - he never experiences them as victim."

-- Lao Tsu

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

-- Matthew 6:21 (NIV)

And it taking a little poetic license with Matthew 6:14,15 from The Message, in prayer, and in living that prayer in our daily lives, there is a direct connection between what God does and what we do. We can't seem to "get something freely from God," for instance (say, like forgiveness or mercy), without also "giving it freely to others." What a hoot! It simply won't work, ever. If we refuse to do our part, we cut ourselves off from God's part. It's not Him being mean and stingy at all, because He's not (in fact the design is pure genius and for our own good and requires no direct intervention or monitoring on His part - it is a self-regulating system), it's simply us being overwhelmed by fear and being stubborn in our own somewhat futile self-protection. He showers us with grace, and yet we insist on holding onto our karma - what we've reaped, we insist on sowing. So, there is no protection from ourselves in this world, only in His Spirit. To be free, we must free ourselves from what we have imprisoned ourselves in by choice, the jail cell door is wide open . . . always has been.

The startling absence of separation

"A little while ago I came across an amazing book by Dr. Rupert Sheldrake called The Sense of Being Stared At and Other Unexplained Powers of the Human Mind (Three Rivers press, 2003). The first thing I did when I found the book was wonder what this guy was a doctor of and whether or not he had any credibility in the scientific community at all. To my surprise, I found that he is in fact very well respected in the scientific community, and one of his books, Dogs That Know When Their Owners Are Coming Home (Three Rivers Press, 2000), was actually awarded a prize for being the best science book in the United Kingdom that year. He is also, and quite understandably, a controversial figure. Anyway, in The Sense of Being Stared At, Dr. Sheldrake examines the evidence for whether or not the mind and consciousness actually extends out beyond the physical body through things like extrasensory perception (ESP) and precognition and the like, . . . What Dr. Sheldrake set out to test was whether or not people could actually 'sense' being stared at by other people. I won't go into exactly how he and his team went about it, but suffice it to say they used proper scientific methods and appropriate controls. The results of their studies are astounding. They found that YES, people can actually tell when they are being stared at - some with up to 90 percent accuracy. And YES, they went on to show that there is evidence to support the fact that we can actually influence others without ever physically interacting with them.

The conclusion that Sheldrake comes to in the book is even more astounding. He says that there is a hitherto unnamed field of energy that links us all together and that we are all able to 'tap into' this field to varying degrees, depending largely on our belief that we can. He calls this field the 'morphic field.' What, then, are the far-reaching implications of this conclusion? Well, they are HUGE! They take a lot of the assumptions that most of us make about the world and its inhabitants, starting with us, and turn them upside down. The physical distance between ourselves and others becomes more irrelevant than ever before. Feelings and intentions take on a much larger role in the world than ever before. And guess what? Faith suddenly becomes a not so lofty and unattainable concept. Why? Because if we are all interlinked by this morphic field and the energy that we put out into the world influences others, then our beliefs and intentions become much more powerful than we ever previously imagined. . . . What you believe, then, is the key, and the faith to believe in something that has no material proof becomes extremely important."

-- A..C. Ping, in Faith

How cool, that there is growing scientific evidence to support one of my favorite Bible verses, that I believe based on faith alone, one that I've used so often lately that I'm starting to annoy people with it, because it requires such a powerful discipline in the areas of self-discipline and total self-responsibility. And what if I truly believe that we are all ONE, and that simply through my disciplined intention, love can be communicated and received all around the world. Anil, we have certainly experienced this, haven't we brother? (This is in reference to my dear friend and brother, Anil, with whom we love like closest family, although we've never physically met - he lives in India! - but we have spiritually).

I can actually feel the fabric of community that God is weaving all around me - feel its beauty, color, depth, strength, wholesomeness in every cell of my body, and it tingles with excitement at the mere thought of this phenomenon. It holds us all with such appreciation, respect, and tenderness; it soothes our pain, lights our path, guides our every step, forgives our bitter stubbornness, comforts our despair and hopelessness, beckons our total surrender to it.

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

-- Mark 11:24 (NIV)

I have prayed for my community to feel me, hear me, and see me as an extravagant, outrageous, and totally relentless expression of God's reckless, redeeming, totally revolutionary and unconditional love.

I believe it is so. Any feedback on the subject, just to confirm what I already know?

Trying again, years later

I want to test something out. I have had several people say to me lately that they often will not understand something I say or write, especially one of my longer messages, until months, if not years later, after the chance to re-process it through a considerable amount of life experience. Well, I want to try that out as it relates to the message below, first sent out in 2005, because I can feel it becoming more "real" in shared experiences with many of my closest clients and friends out there. If you have a minute, and if you feel really close to me this morning - i.e.; in regular communication with me on something pretty deep for you, or as more than just a casual reader of this message (and please know that I love my casual readers, too, by the way - this is not a qualitative judgment, just a way to speak to those I am deeply feeling this morning) - read this carefully and well and see how it lands this time around. I can think of at least a dozen cases where this really sheds light on the current experience.

Spiritual history and the covering up and uncovering of feelings
(from 2005)

This is a fairly long one, gang, and yet I am crystal clear than only those who are meant to read it now will read it, and that is perfect. I found it through prayer on the subject of releasing people who are feeling trapped inside feelings they don't understand, or even care to, but who are beginning to recognize that there is a block inside themselves to their own life's fulfillment, and it seems to be in the realm of big, repressed feelings. As I read this, I saw the recovery process I went through to move beyond my anxiety attacks some twenty years ago. Back them they didn't have that name for it, and they didn't have material like this lying around for me to discover and learn from. Instead, it came naturally, but very painfully, and at very high cost. Now, if I can help others get the lessons without the devastating cost, how wonderful. For those who venture forward, enjoy. And a few of you from my yesterday will certainly recognize some things, methinks.

"There came a time in the history of human spiritual development when, rather than being or feeling nourished by the Source, a newly separated layer of consciousness starting functioning by itself, nourished by the error that brought about the overlayers of protection in the first place. This is why we often feel as if we're going around in circles, chasing our tails. The pure freshness issuing from the Source is indivisible and continually unifies all splits and conflicts, but only until our own subconscious protective layers split us away again, and on and on it goes. This, in very broad lines, sums up the spiritual history of humanity that has brought us to our present state.

First, human pain, with no apparent way out, induced violence, rage, greed, separateness, and other destructive emotions. These feelings were acted out, with catastrophic results. Human beings were too disconnected from their fellow creatures to sense others' pain as their own. Their suffering made them too blind because their blindness led them into greater suffering. Thus, they indulged their destructive impulses to their own detriment.

Later, humans learned that acting out their destructiveness brought them into conflict with their environment. Gradually, life experience expanded people's consciousness and the first reasoning processes showed the individual that letting out blindly what he or she felt would eventually produce even more pain. Thus, a social consciousness developed from the instinct of self-preservation. But mere expedience dictated this kind of conscience. It is still far removed from the experience of oneness with one's fellow creatures. But eventually individuals came to the threshold where he or she learned to keep the urge to destroy in abeyance. We learned to develop this faculty of reason, seeing the causes and effects of one's actions and will, using self-discipline to keep from giving in to primitive impulses.

The realm of feelings is, at this point, predominantly, a seething mass of denied pain and, therefore, of violence, hate, and malice. Yet the realm of feelings is the most alive and creative faculty. It is also self-perpetuating. As long as the feeling world is predominantly negative and destructive, its self-perpetuating nature creates highly damaging impulses and compulsions. This is why it is so feared. It is held in check only by the power to reason, to use the mind, and by willpower to hold it back, to 'discipline' all spontaneous impulses. When this consciousness of feeling grows beyond the ability to hold it back and the negativity of the feeling world becomes obvious, people do their best to deny, cover up, and inactivate their feelings. In this process of emotional denial the spiritual self also becomes further removed. For the spiritual self resides directly within the realm of feelings. The churning creative mass of feelings is our access to the Divine, even if it now manifests in a destructive way. So, when intellect, reason, and will erect a barricade around the realm of feelings to stay safe from its self-perpetuating negative creativity, they also erect a barricade around our Divine consciousness as well, that self-perpetuating positive creative source. Nevertheless, everyone must go through this phase before its direction can be reversed.

This is why you naturally fear the realm of feelings. You have indoctrinated yourself with the safety measure for so long -- and now you must unlearn it. You fear the realm of feelings because it is still, in part, primitive. You are still imbued with the self-command you have learned throughout so many life experiences: 'I must keep my destructiveness under control.' Yet the more destructive feelings are denied, the less they can transform themselves back into their original state, because we have blocked the corrective mechanism of our access to the Divine. Thus a consciousness builds itself entirely based on reason, blocking its own growth and maturity. For the longest time now, reason and will have seemed to be the saving grace that controls, prevents, and dominates the realm of feelings. An untold number of people now find themselves in precisely this stage of growth. They identify and experience themselves almost entirely as the so-called 'ego' -- that part which wills and reasons. This was not a wrong turn, my friends. it was necessary. But now another way must be taken. This new way seems threatening; it seems to conflict with all past endeavors. Every challenge to change direction appears to your unconscious as an enormous threat to life. Activating the realm of feelings seems entirely too dangerous, baring the most primal, selfish, destructive feelings, which seem bottomless and final. This explains, in the deepest possible way, the enormous threat all individuals experience when they come to this crossroad in their spiritual development. With some, the threat may be so great that they go on and on overdeveloping their faculties of reason and will, even on spiritual topics, so that their personalities become lopsided and they feel schizophrenic, wondering why they are feeling so out of touch with their own overzealous words and gestures.

Humankind as a whole seems arrested at this point, but change is coming. This is why technological and scientific development seems so out of proportion to our feeling qualities and our capacity to 'experience' life spiritually. And this is why there is such a deep longing surfacing across the world. Our emotions seem far more negative than positive. Even our preaching about love and spirituality generally has little to do with our true emotional experience underneath the surface of things. More often than not, these are ideals and theories, a philosophy we adhere to in principle rather than feeling it. The feeling self still appears to be to so many a great enemy and is accused of being unreliable and even dangerous. For those who are becoming more alive and real and are no longer thus frozen, the poverty of real feelings in the average human being is striking. The scant feelings the average person experiences are always so controlled and approached so very cautiously -- being unaware of this fact does not alter it. It is part of your path to become aware of it. Even admitting to yourself, 'I feel half-dead; I could feel so much more than I do, therefore the potential to do so must exist within me,' brings you so much nearer to the state of realization than confusing your desire to richly feel and deeply love, because you believe in it only in principle, without actually feeling and loving. ...

You must go therefore in the direction opposite to the one you have hitherto taken. Instead of holding back your feelings, you must allow them to become fully conscious -- let them be, so to speak -- and observe them without fear and panic. You will see how easy it is to let your feelings be, without having to act on them, choosing your action deliberately instead. Ironically, your faculties of reason had to be sufficiently developed to get you to this step, only to discover that they block your path, then gradually awakening to the fact that they really can be trusted again to dictate our choices, but only after we can clearly see those choices. Only when these faculties have been sufficently developed is it safe to allow primitive, destructive feelings to the surface that, under different circumstances, would destroy everything. The self-discipline and reasoning needed to overcome the ingrained fear and consequent resistance are a built-in safety measure of the path you're on. Even if reason and will still have weak spots, they are inadvertently and organically strengthened by the courage, honesty, self-discipline, and willpower necessary to reach this juncture -- a self-correcting system. That is why there is nothing to fear, even if you're scared to death.

You, my friends who are reading this, who really want to come into a deeper relationship with your Source, must not confuse spirituality with mere spiritual ideas. You must bring your living, feeling self into play, even if this cannot happen in any other way than by meeting your destructiveness and pain head-on. When you can fully experience the hate and the pain in you without flinching, you will be surprised by what happens. Much sooner than you think, hate, violence, and pain will dissolve and give way to a new aliveness. A sea of feeling will crystallize pleasure supreme, the capacity to experience heights of joy that you never dreamed possible, even in what you previously viewed as the commonplace. If you make room for it, a new sense of reality will arise within you. You are indeed strong enough, all of you who read this, or you wouldn't be here reading. The danger of being forced into actions against your reason and will is truly an illusion in the state you're in now. The only real immediate danger is your difficulty in admitting that you are not yet who you want to be, who you sense you really are. But what an expensive price you pay for living life 'as if'! Once you choose to meet yourself as you are and go through the pain of some feelings, you will convince yourself very quickly that the realm of feelings is actually not bottomless, and its veneer is relatively superficial. Once you learn to cope with these feelings by just letting them be, they will dissolve quickly, and you will begin to feel aliveness and delight again very soon. This is the nature of the road you are now on."

-- a lecture guide from the internet on the realm of feelings, as it relates to one's spiritual development


"To really become free inside takes either courage or disaster . . . I recommend courage."

-- Christopher Reeve

Either you consciously break through the wall,
or the wall eventually falls on and breaks you.
Either way, you get through to the other side.