Test of goodness

"Stress is the test for character and goodness. Being positively principled and values-driven is easy when the choices are easy and the pressures are small. Our tests in life come with difficult choices and when the pressures on us are very great."

-- M. Scott Peck, in People of the Lie

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds, and diamonds are formed under intense pressure."

-- Peter Marshall

"Definition of courage: grace under pressure."

-- Ernest Hemingway

"William, you have work to do"

-- John Newton to William Wilberforce
in the movie, "Amazing Grace"

My oldest son, Jim, told me 5 years ago, after a full year of financial crisis for me, when he was just graduating from college and he received a letter from me crying the blues about how I couldn't afford to get him a big graduation gift that I would have like to, and he said, "Dad, I never measured you as a man by what you provided me and Mark. I watched the choices you made under pressure." I am so aware of this now, after so many years of caving and cracking under the pressures of life, and I so appreciate the stunning wisdom of my son, and even though we now live many miles apart, I live each day as if he can see my every move, and we can measure them together, and I am not afraid. It's one thing in life to be who you say you are when things are going well and the test are few and far between, and it's quite another when the world wakes up every morning and seems to be repeatedly sticking its finger in your eye and stirring vigorously. And choosing a life of God, love, service, and simplicity almost seems to invite such stirring, because the world is not really set up to support those as the "right way" (at least other than in lip service), but what a scenario to teach you character, determination, discipline, grace under pressure.

While God is showering us with grace in every moment; the world seems to be trying to keep it blocked, bottled up, or invisible with all of its distractions, plots, shenanigans, and sometimes even "seemingly good ideas." And we are invited to fully receive and then to extravagantly let it flow, all while being carefully instructed on how to keep the channels open and totally clear -even, make that especially, in the great or frequent storms of life. The movie the other night, "Amazing Grace" (see trailer at: http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/mf/frame?theme=minfo&lid=wmv-300-p.1543565-181142,wmv-700-p.1543566-181142,wmv-1000-p.1543567-181142,wmv-100-p.1543564-181142&id=1809422949&f=1809422949&mspid=1809804222&type=t), as well as the movie I saw before it, "Children of Men," as well as the book I read in between, Left to Tell (by Immaculee Ilibagiza), all reinforced for me once again that the "right things" in life and this world are seldom the "easy things" and very rarely, if ever, the "popular things," and yet you will always be glad, no matter what the outcome, that you stood for them.

Faith in suffering without deflection


"This idea of 'dying to self' and 'taking up your cross' is one of the hardest concepts in the Christian faith to understand. But it is hard not because it is complicated. It is hard because it is so difficult to accept. We try to complicate it precisely because we know intuitively what it means, and we do not like the idea at all. No one really likes to die. ... The value of the cross in my life is directly proportionate to my awareness of my own sin in any given moment. The minute I fail to see my own sin, the cross loses its meaning. As soon as my problems can be explained on some basis other than my sin, based on someone or something outside myself, the cross becomes superfluous, and I become the most dangerous kind of hypocrite, wreaking of self-righteousness. As difficult as the cross is to understand, only my sin will give it any meaning at all."

-- John Fischer, in On a Hill TOO Far Away

"Refusing to be disillusioned and heartbroken is the cause of so much of the suffering of human life. And this is how that suffering happens - if we love someone, but do not love God, we demand total perfection and righteousness from that person, and when we do not get it, we become angry and cruel and vindictive, refusing to accept the disillusionment and heartbreak; yet we are clearly demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot possibly give. There is only one Being who can completely satisfy to the absolute depth of the hurting human heart. Our Lord is so obviously uncompromising with regard to every human relationship because He knows that every relationship that is not based on faithfulness to Himself will surely end in disaster."

-- Oswald Chambers, in My Utmost for His Highest

"We human beings instinctively regard the seen world as the 'real' world and the unseen world as the 'unreal' world, but the Bible regularly calls for almost the opposite. ... For example, the point of the Book of Job is not about the blind suffering that Job experiences: not 'where is God (outside and visibly) when it hurts so much?' The prologue (chapters 1-2) dealt with that issue. The point of the Book of Job is about faith: more like 'where is Job (on the inside) when it really hurts?'"

-- Phillip Yancey

"Trust in the Lord is the only true antidote to fear. Focusing on God rather than the trial will keep us from sinking into fear and despair. However, learning to face our fears and own them does not mean that we will never have another anxious moment. Faith does not lie in trusting God to stop the storm, but in trusting Him to enable us to walk through the storm. When trouble occurs, He will give us the ability to cope with and grow through it."

-- Jill Briscoe

"God's favorites, especially God's favorites, are not immune from the bewildering times when God seems silent. Where there is no longer any opportunity for doubt, there is no longer any opportunity for faith either. Faith demands uncertainty, confusion. The Bible includes many proofs of God's concern - some quite spectacular - but no guarantees. A guarantee would, after all, preclude faith."

-- Paul Tournier

"The deeper our faith, the more doubt we must endure; the deeper our hope, the more prone we are to despair; the deeper our love, the more pain its loss will bring: these are a few of the paradoxes we must hold as human beings. If we refuse to hold them in hopes of living without doubt, despair, and pain, we also find ourselves living without faith, hope, and love."

-- Parker Palmer, in A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life

"It is the spectators, the people who are outside, looking in on the tragedy, from whose ranks the skeptics come; it is not those who are actually in the arena and who know suffering from the inside. Indeed, the fact is that it is the world's greatest sufferers who have produced the most shining examples of unconquerable faith."

-- James Stewart

"Men will never be great in theology until they are great in suffering. The most eloquent form of prayer I know is to cry sweetly."

-- Charles Spurgeon

"He who has God has everything; he who has everything but God has nothing."

-- St. Augustine

"Faith is holding onto uncertainties with passionate conviction."

-- Soren Kierkegaard

"Don't pray for a lighter burden. Pray for a stronger back."

-- Unknown

"Real faith is refined in the fires and storms of our pain."

-- Eugene Peterson

"It is not the part of faith to question, but to obey."

-- A.B. Simpson

There sure are a lot of people in a world of hurt out there, whether in emotional, financial, health, relational, or spiritual crisis, and it's all the same hurt, and, quite agonizingly, there's no one to blame, really. It is our human condition, predictably playing itself out. For some, it seems like crushingly pointless victimhood, where it seems there is no relief in sight or possibly to be found in this lifetime, and the strongest desire is to run to the point of distraction, or to self-medicate, to be able to "fog out" for a while, while for others, it is the fiery baptism of their blessed and true faith walk here on Earth, and it is a startlingly beautiful and intentional self-crucifixion, and their day in the sun is clearly upon them. It is usually impossible for me or anyone else to truly know which is which in any given moment, and it can change at any time, based on so many unpredictable factors in a human lifetime. So, as a coach, loving friend, and supporter, and to exercise my own faith in humble obedience, it's just best to love them all and to pray relentlessly, and to remember my own walk through the fire, which continues as we speak.

And speaking of that faith walk, and others' walks that I can really relate to, I had another "movie night" last night, and once again I leaned on Anne to pick the film, and once again the choice was no coincidence and perfect. On this night, I was to see the movie, "Amazing Grace" (http://www.amazinggracemovie.com/the_film.php) and soak in the stories of both William Wilberforce and John Newton, brave, dedicated, tormented men who risked everything and gave their lives to following God and gaining their own redemption through walking their path without deflection, and talk about "faith in the midst of suffering." And yet it was nothing compared to the suffering of those who they reached out to try to help, in order to "make the world better." And the song; ... it is so hauntingly beautiful on its own, and yet so deeply enriched when coupled with an understanding of the physical circumstances behind its writing.

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, hut now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed!

Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
'Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The LORD has promised good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But GOD, who called me here below,
Will be for ever mine.

And it reminded me of my last "movie night," when I went to see "Children of Men," which elicited similar emotions about the future that Amazing Grace did about the past, regarding how man treats man, and what I feel about that. This was the fictional story of Theodore Falon, a disillusioned and oft-drunk bureaucrat who feels hopelessly lost in a 2027 dystopian London in a world that's gone mad now that women can no longer have babies. Theo is led, kicking and screaming, through great pain to his calling, which he somehow finds the courage and faith and will to embrace and then endure, and his life finally becomes "meaningful," even if in the midst of chaos, horror, and violence, for the first time. Such consistent character development, set over 200 years apart, depicting the human story so many of us face right now. Sounds like our lunch yesterday, eh Sean?

Children of Men

Without a doubt, the images in the film should remind us of our own times, in which the global "war on terror" is a politically-motivated travesty. As in the movie, terrorism and xenophobia are used to cow the populace, while war and violence are perpetuated around the world for profit and power. But in this sea of pain, misery, and despair ordinary people are able to act to save the one hope we have for a different future.

Maybe the film's argument that “the children are the future" will appear corny to some, but perhaps only to those who have become too calloused by all the hate and war in the world. With threats like nuclear annihilation, global epidemics of various sorts, rampant poverty and hunger, and ecological disaster looming, humanity's real fight for survival seems more in doubt, but more necessary than ever before. And the film's suggestion that an alternative to the present system of fear-mongering and violence, repression and decay – a human project – is integral to survival seems fitting as well.

This is a brilliant film driven by imagery, collective memory, and emotion as much as it is by a well-written story full of believable characters. It is poetry on the big screen.

Believe who you are very carefully and intelligently.


"If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart? ... The truth about oneself seldom is pleasant; it is almost invariably bitter. ... And the violence we commit against each other can only be concealed by a lie about ourselves, and the lie can only be maintained by more violence. Any man who acts out violence as his method is inevitably forced to take the lie as his guiding principle."

-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn

"Hold yourself explicitly and relentlessly responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself - and be compassionate and understanding with everyone else."

-- Henry Ward Beecher

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set."

-- James Allen

"Are you the victim of what happens to you, or the one who uses it for learning and growth? Are you receiving your experience as a blessing or as a punishment? That is the question you must constantly ask yourself."

-- Paul Ferrini

"Next to life itself, self-responsibility is the most precious possession one can lose, and it matters not how he loses it."

-- Leonard E. Read

"Life is more than willing, it's even predisposed, to cooperate in proving exactly what we believe about ourselves."

-- Yours Truly

As you can imagine, I'm sure, my day can sometimes feel as if it is filled with people's cacophonous complaints about their chaotic circumstances. It can be like spending my day with my head inside a jet engine at times. I don't know if you really can imagine; you'd have to walk in my shoes for a day. I am not a victim of this, however; it is a circumstance of my own choosing, and definitely for my own good. It reflects the echoing torture chamber of my own wounded heart from the past, and the "standing in it" with compassion and love is healing and very nourishing of my life's current sense of peace and simplicity. Every day I get to self-crucify, dropping from the noise that fills my ears and echoes in my chest to the love and peace that fills my restored heart, as I am born again. I am extravagantly blessed by this ongoing opportunity to transform from a deep, gaping wound to a nerve cell in the Body. Now I recognize that to be trained to be a nerve cell, that cell which is responsible for communicating (vs. experiencing itself) the pain from the place of damage to the place of healing intelligence, I had to experience intense pain myself, caused by my own way of thinking, becoming able to see how that works, so that I would take my role very seriously, understanding its importance, leaving me very thankful for the training and immensely fulfilled in the role. My "victimhood" in the past is transformed; my noise-filled chaotic experience of the present is transformed; there is no need for violence to conceal a lie, and I am free to be my life's God-given purpose with gladness. And this belief makes it so.

A timely treatise on humility


"In some sense we're all hypocrites in transition."

-- Erwin McManus

"We'd like to be humble ... but what if no one really notices?"

-- John Ortberg

"Greatness lies not in loudly trying to 'be' somebody but in quietly trying to 'help' somebody."

-- Unknown

"A humble knowledge of ourselves is a surer way to God than is the search for depth of learning."

-- Thomas a'Kempis

"God is not proud ... He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him."

-- CS Lewis

"Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility."

-- Saint Augustine

"The proof of spiritual maturity is not how pure you are but how aware you are of your own impurity. That very awareness opens the door to grace."

-- Phillip Yancey

"Nothing disciplines the inordinate desires of the flesh like service, and nothing transforms the desires of the flesh like serving in hiddenness. The flesh whines against service but it screams against hidden service. It strains and pulls for honor and recognition."

-- Richard Foster

"The meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. He has accepted God's estimate of his own life: In himself, nothing; In God, everything. He knows well that the world will never see him as God sees him, and he has stopped caring or worrying about that."

-- A.W. Tozer

"I am sure that there are many Christians who will confess that their experience has been very much like my own — that we had long known the Lord without realizing that meekness and lowliness of heart should be the distinguishing feature of the disciple, as they were of the Master. Such humility is not a thing that will come on its own; it must be made the object of special desire, prayer, faith, and daily practice."

-- Andrew Murray

"We have forgotten the gracious hand which has preserved us in peace and multiplied, enriched, and strengthened us in our success, and we have vainly imagined in the deceitfulness of our hearts that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own. Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving Grace, too proud to actually pray in earnest to the God that made us."

-- Abraham Lincoln

Humility is a tricky thing. If you think you have it, you obviously don't. If you know you don't, thinking that's the right answer, you're wrong. Humility is not a state you can actually ever achieve; it's a surrendered preparedness for grace, a quiet waiting for the other shoe to drop right on your ego, which you know will only attempt to rise up again, only to be stomped on again with a loving, but pulverizing foot. Humility is a growing awareness and acceptance of how much you need that pulverizing, and how little public acknowledgement or recognition you need about that, such that you are freed up to meekly and quietly serve.

Learning to love

"People tend to live while drifting back and forth between their dreadful past pain and their fearful future hope, investing only half-effort in the present moment, which is where creativity lies. And when real life in the present moment doesn't quite measure up to their fantasy, the blame is misplaced on lack of sufficient chemistry or correct circumstances."

"Love isn't about two half-people trying to fit together to form a whole person. It is only possible, in the truest sense, if each individual completely gives of him- or herself, out of a sense of hard-earned and fully-secured wholeness, where two whole people can then choose to form a healthy partnership."

"Our character grows as we successfully surmount relationship conflicts and difficulties that come from not having been fully prepared to love. To bypass these understandably painful experiences would be to forego the privilege of growth in one's capacity to love."

"When someone truly loves another person, they love them as a complex, total person, not as a fantasy, knowing both their beauty and strengths, as well as their faults and weaknesses, and loving them anyway."

"By seeking forgiveness, and by learning to forgive in our own hearts, frequent feelings of our own isolation and 'wrongness' can miraculously fade and vanish into irrelevance."

"With all of its ups and downs and unexpected twists and turns, God's reality, in the end, serves a far greater purpose than man's fantasy ever could."

-- Benjamin Devey

I am back to work out in the world this morning, after a week of doing my own personal work in the realm of family, during my kids' Spring Break last week. It was both awesome and exhausting, all a part of the "learning to love" experience, in the relationships where it matters most, those closest to home. Today will include a few relationship "projects" that are all about reconciliation, where love has been damaged and almost destroyed in the past, and the future is viewed with fear and trepidation, but an ember still smolders, and there is a glimmer of hope. However, rather than getting lost there, or in the overwhelming pain of the past, we will be putting all of our energy into the present, seeking individual wholeness, rather than the "fixing" of another or the relationship, while holding hands with compassion and deep respect, growing "through" the conflicts, rather than being shut down by them, offering and seeking total forgiveness, while dealing with and learning to love the total person in "God's reality" - that being that this is a classroom for learning how to love, custom-designed just for us - in which "we" and not "they" are the dedicated, humble students. These several quotes from Ben remind me of a few of my favorite quotes from the past from one of my favorite authors on the subject, Mike Mason, from his classic book, The Mystery of Marriage, which I have used in hundreds of Life Plans with so many of you out there. It's worth repeat publication here:

“The wedding is merely the beginning of a lifelong process of handing over absolutely everything, and not simply everything one owns but everything that one is ."

… and hiding is certainly not what marriage is about. Marriage means being in the spotlight, being under the unceasing scrutiny of another person, just as we are all under the constant gaze of the Lord our God. Marriage is about nakedness, exposure, defenselessness, and the very extremities of intimacy. It is about simple unadorned truth between two human beings, truth at all levels and at all costs, and it does not care what pain or inconvenience must be endured in order for the habit of truth to take root, to be watered, and to grow into maturity.”

"How tragic that the very thing that could set us free in the game of love -- being willing to play the fool -- is the thing we will not do. When we're afraid to be fools, we end up being afraid to be loving."

Willing to be the fool for love - willing to be the fool for God as we learn how - what an extreme privilege!

There's nothing to gain or prove.

"True wisdom rests peacefully within itself - with no need to challenge, debate, prove, or win any point to feel heard or valued - simply accepting, appreciating, and cherishing 'what is.' In order to get to true wisdom, challenge and question everything, starting with your own point of view, until you are quite literally dropped to your knees in total surrender. And if you stop prematurely, insisting on 'standing in being right' about things with others, you are only prolonging the inevitable."

-- Yours Truly (experienced beautifully in my walk yesterday)

“God's love doesn't seek value; it 'creates' value. It's not because we have extrinsic value, based on our appearance or performance, that we are loved, but because we're loved that we have intrinsic value. So you don't have to prove yourself -- ever. That's already been taken care of, ... and, ... what can be emotionally and intellectually very satisfying and ego-uplifting can often be spiritually devastating in our lives.”

-- William Sloane Coffin, Jr.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've heard people pray or refer to their "offered prayers " to see God create better circumstances, feelings, or results in their lives, and they are frustrated when He seemingly is not listening to or participating in any of it. It is as if they feel that these circumstances or results will lift up, save, or validate them, proving their worthiness, as if they are value-less without them, while He is showering them with love all along through His very being and their very lives. But we continue to look for the things that we want Him to produce for us - things that are of value in the eyes of man, vs. looking only for Him who loves us and protects us and cares for us, regardless, knowing that He is all we will ever need.

"The next day the crowd that had stayed on the opposite shore of the lake realized that only one boat had been there, and that Jesus had not entered it with his disciples, but that they had gone away alone. Then some boats from Tiberias landed near the place where the people had eaten the bread after the Lord had given thanks. Once the crowd realized that neither Jesus nor his disciples were there, they got into the boats and went to Capernaum in search of Jesus.

When they found him on the other side of the lake, they asked him, 'Rabbi, when did you get here?'

Jesus answered, 'I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.'

Then they asked him, 'What must we do to do the works God requires?'"

-- John 6:22-28

Even when he steps right into our midst, we continue to ask, "Is there anything (and, if so, what is it that) we need to do? Any great adventure we must complete in order to be seen as "getting it right," so that we can then finally 'get what is due us?'" No; we need only to come to Him in humble listening and then follow His gentle, but firm instructions. He will define our every "doing" for us, and He will do all the "heavy lifting" all by Himself. He doesn't really need us, but He totally loves us, and that is sufficient. How do we come to Him and really listen? In our time we cannot go to Him geographically – but we can go there in our belief, listening to Him in the deepest depths of our hearts. If we trust Him completely, His grace is totally sufficient for us.

And be wary of any human undertaking that leaves you doubting "your sufficiency in the eyes of man," especially if it is packaged as "for your own spiritual good." It could very well be a "wolf (human being manipulating you) in sheep's clothing (pretending to be someone leading you back to the good shepherd)." If you're listening to Him, no other opinion or voice really matters, and if you're not, there will be a thousand opinions and voices driving you mad, and you will respond to the most compelling, which will often be, by definition, the most dangerous.The world of human endeavor often requires metrics to measure and compare value; this is a very practical reality in the modern world. We can't just choose to totally ignore it and thrive. But when we put those extrinsic challenges and results ahead of - making them more important than - our intrinsic value as children of God, that's when the real trouble starts. Our greatest value, and the greatest results we ever get to participate in, come from our access to Him and His power, and that is as practical and as trustworthy as life will ever get.