Take that next step.

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it again and again."

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

This guy keeps showing up exactly when I need him, this Antoine guy. I am sitting here this morning contemplating whether I have the energy or the breathing capacity (due to allergies) for my first 12-mile run of the season, and I first thought the answer was no, and then I turned the page of my calendar, and here was Antoine, so we'll see. Maybe as I'm out there I'll find the energy to step and step again until 12 miles goes by. It's interesting how I'll never know until I'm out there. When you get right down to it, getting out there is the hardest part.

Tao Te Ching on Water

"The best of man is like water,
Which benefits all things, and does not contend with them,
Which flows and gathers in unpopular places that others disdain,
Where it is in harmony with all things...

Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water,
Yet nothing can better overcome the hard and strong,
For they can neither control nor do away with it.
The soft overcomes the hard, the yielding overcomes the strong..."

I met with a man yesterday who saw his life as flowing water in a river. It is where he feels most at peace and most at home. River and water metaphors showed up on numerous occasions throughout our time together, and I thought this beautiful piece of ancient writing by Lao Tsu, 6th-century BC Chinese philosopher, summarized our shared discovery of his true nature perfectly. I hope you enjoy this tribute to you, Tim. It reflects a man who is both masculine and strong AND soft and yielding, who knows where he's going AND goes with the flow.

Man in the arena

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

-- Theodore Roosevelt, “Man in the Arena”

This morning I am meeting to work on a Life Plan with a young man, T.L.,Jr., who I never would have even met if it weren't for working with his brother-in-law, and then his sister, ... and now him. And to honor the brother-in-law, and the work we will surely do today, I want to take a moment and acknowledge life, and man, "in the arena." I love working with people who are struggling and stumbling "in the arena" of life, just like me, and what a profound privilege that is. This quote is the chosen quote on the cover page of K.H.'s Life Plan, and he has proven himself to be totally worthy of Teddy's inspiring words, and totally worthy of a brother's love and respect. Here's to both of you guys today.

And while we're on the subject of Life Planning, and compelling themes for them, I want to acknowledge the great work put in by R.S. yesterday, and offer her the words she most wants to hear from God after every day of her life from this day forward:

Matthew 25:23 "The master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Clarity from confusion, health from pain, joy from sorrow

"Ironically, confusion itself – the very awareness of it – gives us the power to discover clarity. Knowledge of a disease is half its cure."

A client/friend told me yesterday that I seemed "different" - that something had shifted from Spring to Summer to Fall, and she was intrigued and curious. Well, as I've said before, I was on a natural high in the spring, and then the summer, culminating in the "adjustment" month of September, really sent me reeling in confusion. It left me feeling I had just come out of a blender on high speed. And the process delivered me to October's clarity, and I needed the former to experience and value the latter. Thanks to the blinding chaos of a brand new baby born at home and a very ill Dad miles away, I am more aware of the awesome beauty, mystery, and preciousness of my life than ever before. And thanks to the humbling running regimen I have thrust myself into, and its resulting exhaustion and pain, which demanded that I slow down and pay attention to my body, I am now feeling more fit and healthy in all three dimensions - physical, emotional, and spiritual - than in recent memory. And thanks to my wife demanding my best when I was just too tired to give it, and to Jake and Heather demanding a fun, playful, responsive Dad when I just didn't feel like it, and thanks to my Mom & Dad calling me to tell me they're scared to death and that they need my emotional support, I feel more clear about, committed to, and focused on my most important relationships than ever. And thanks to my wonderful clients, who listen to me so powerfully and always demand my best and have the courage to call me on it when I get lazy or sloppy or stupid, I feel more alive and real in my ministry than ever before, like I know I am making a difference by being "all of me." I feel the pure celebration of this amazing year building - culminating in our visits to family over the holidays to show off our little baby girl and my marathon experience in January to show off my incredible resolve, and it all feels right. Sometimes the blender is exactly what we need. So, in looking back at the archives again at this date in the year 2001, there was this little gem, neatly summing up the last few days' theme.

"Let us remember that confusion, pain, and sorrow are creators of great things, if you pay attention to their message."

-- Ernest Renan

And, just as I was ready to wrap this thing up, another client/friend sent me a website of quotes from Viktor Frankl, from his book, Man's Search for Meaning, in which this little gem emerged and demanded inclusion, so here goes, and thanks, C.H.:

"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some set of goals that are totally worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the challenging call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled uniquely by him."

One final note, and this seems like the crest of a rolling wave of emotion right now, I just heard from my Mom that my Dad was taken to the Emergency Room last night, and he's in Intensive Care, and he is having "those conversations" with family members, and I can feel the urge to fly up there again, and I will be acting on that urge very soon. My heart is breaking over this, and I feel so powerless. Dad, please feel me with you, and know that you are not alone, and that you are deeply loved. I know you can't speak with me on the phone right now, but I am trusting that God is allowing us to speak heart to heart instead, and that you feel all of my deepest thoughts and emotions as you come to terms with this. I ask God to give you peace on this day and to show me and our entire family who love you how to honor you and what you are going through with dignity and grace.

A Successful career and life

"Our work becomes a joyous experience for ourselves and others when we let a mysterious (vs. logical and self-serving) force direct our actions. We simply follow instructions, even when (no, make that especially when) they don't seem beneficial to us, rational, or reasonable. We allow God's spirit to move through us, using our gifts and resources as He sees fit to do His work in the world, trusting in His way, that He will always provide for that which works, and for those who work it, according to His plan. This is the key to a 'successful' career, and life, in the fullest sense of the word and over the long haul."

We get to try it "our way" for a long while - in fact, for as long as we like. We're not "made" to see the truth; we're forever "invited" to. It seems there's plenty of time for us to learn about this, Thank God, and He is very patient. But, in the end, only the truth will set us free.
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P.S. And speaking of letting a mysterious force direct our actions, for those twenty or so of us who have responded so far to Bieren in the midst of his "dark night" - and so warmly and supportively - here is his appreciative response:

dear jim,
i thank you for putting me on to such a beautiful community... who have so lovingly embraced me with my pain. amazingly, healing responses keep pouring in. and the miracle is happening. today, i touched such a calm state - inside... i knew, the outside situations will now be powerless to take it away.
i thank all the friends who have sent me their love and held me in their hearts. the trial goes on... but so does my life... a transformed one.
through this message, i am sending all of you - jim, you included - my grateful and loving hug.
want to go on... but the words will stifle the beauty of this feeling i hold for all of you...
thank you.
and god bless.
love/bieren

On the edge of life and death

Today is my dear friend BMS's 70th birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY!), as he anxiously stands at the threshold of "life as he's never known it before," and how fitting it is that on this same day while I am honoring one friend who is being reborn, I get the note below from a new friend in India who I've never even met, in which he is deathly afraid and contemplating the end of his life. This man asked for a miracle of faith and rebirth, and I draw on all of the strength available in this wonderful community to pray for him. I am especially hoping that BMS will offer a special prayer, in celebration of his own birthday. I know he knows the nature of this man's plight, and I suspect that he might have the perfect words to soothe him and let him know he's not alone. Please read the message below and offer whatever encouragement, hope, or support comes to you, and I will make sure it gets to Bieren and, while you're at it, please wish my buddy Bruce your best, as well. Bruce, as you said to me when we first met, "Thank you for being alive." And Bieren, thank you for choosing and sharing your life at this difficult time. You are surely speaking to the hearts of many with your naked humanity.
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dear jim,


this is the first time i am writing to you something other than a response to your e-mail. it was kran who told me about your chats, who is responsible to have incited this 'courage' to talk to you (not directly - by asking me to)...and your mails...i am in deep trouble and my days are lasting a life time... and i am always thinking when will this end.

in fact, in last 6 days, i have thought of ending this gut wrenching fear, and heart-squeezing pain - in only way available right now. it's only my 4.5 year old son that prevents me. this is one of the darkest, and longest dark-night of my soul and existence. i got into this trouble because i once (4 years back) blindly did what a very close friend asked me to do - without checking on anything. he asked me to become signing authority - a chairman in a housing society he was building. trouble (for me ) had started because of that in a year... and then i resigned. and i thought that was the end of the matter. now, the demon is raising its head. and i am served a legal notice. i am asked to answer lot of things... and i don't have a single answer - because i had signed papers, just because my friend had asked me - to make his work smoother... and i do not know ANYTHING about the whole situation. legally, i am in a fix. my friend is in dubai... and though he says he wants to help me, i don't think he is going to come here to india and help me out - because he is running away from same problems.

for me... this seems to be the end...i can't think... and am wandering most of the time like a zombie. i feel, only a miracle can save me... and i don't know how to work those kind of miracles - though i have experienced many, in this last 2 years. i don't want to live like this. and i can't die - thinking of my son. may god help me... and forgive me for such thoughts.

could you try for some miracle?


in deep anguish.

bieren

PS: kran knows about this...in fact he was here, in my city, 2 days back. and he is trying his best to hold a light...

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Our children as our mirrors

"The greatest gift that you can ever give your child is you...your character - all of it. That includes your joys...your struggles...your triumphs and defeats...who you are... that will outlast any material possessions offered. And the greatest gift that your child can ever give you is to mirror that character back to you, so that you can keep working on it!"

And it's never-ending. As parents our work never ends, because our children - grown or small - will always be a reflection of who we are. How we respond to that challenge, and their life challenges, is one very important measure of us. And it's being taken in the midst of our struggle with our own humanity. And the paradox is that we don't really get the credit or the blame, not in God's eyes, just the relentless, ongoing responsibility. As Peter Koestenbaum once said, "You are 100% responsible for how your children turn out by teaching them that they are 100% responsible, by the way you live your life."

This is a good time to update you on our little Heather at one month old. She has just begun the morning "bagelatte" scene with her big brother, Jake, and she is ready to get "out there" in the world. As you can tell, she is healthy and strong. And the Houston weather is finally accomodating us.