Don't be afraid to grow.

"Too much caution is actually bad for you. By avoiding things you fear, you leave yourself open for many unhappy consequences. It is wiser to stand up to a scary-seeming experience and walk right into it, risking the bruises and hard knocks. You are likely to find it is not as tough as you had thought. Or you may find it plenty tough, but also discover you have more than what it takes to handle it."

-- Norman Vincent Peale

"The purpose of life is to grow into our perfection. Once we call on God, everything that could anger or scare us is moved out of the way. Why? Because the place where we go into anger or fear instead of love identifies our inner wall, beyond which we can grow toward God. Therefore, it makes sense that any situation that pushes our buttons or scares us is now clearly visible as a situation where we don't yet have the capacity to be loving, and it's there where we have our work to do. It is wise to seek out those situations and work through them."

-- A Course in Miracles

Often when I work with a client to determine the assignments in their Life Plan, we will come across a few very scary, very tough situations or relationships in his or her life, and then we'll identify some compelling ideas that would allow the person to move through them to a better place. We will write some of these ideas down as committed actions. But then when it comes time to actually get into action on them, there is a natural tendency for the client to pull up short wondering, "Do I really have to do this now?" Well, of course not. You don't "have to" do anything, ever. And then the "too busy" or "too tired" excuses come out. These often-used, worn-out phrases carry no weight with me, for I see them as the distraction and cop-out that they are. I know. I've used them often over the years and discovered their worthlessness the hard way. I also know that the person really doesn't want me to buy into this anyway, even when they say they do. That's like asking me to buy into their limitations and smallness, which I just won't do - ever. When someone states a desire to grow and learn and to expand their capacities as a human being, if that desire is bigger than their fear, then they'll do it now, with no excuses, and they will be amazed at the results they produce. Otherwise, they just won't, no matter what I say or do. Overwhelming fear of any particular situation or person drains us of capacity in many other situations or relationships that trigger that fear, and it will be unconscious to us - we will be lost in our fears temporarily. We won't even see it, but others will, and they'll figure out how to navigate around us when we've "lost it," and our effectiveness (in leading, parenting, relating, etc.) will suffer dramatically. So, if we want to become more effective in life, to get closer to God and more connected with people we care about, we must seek out these scary places and go straight for them, therby killing their capacity to drain us.

Leading (vs. managing) organizational change

"'Why do organizations change?' asks John P. Kotter, retired Konusuke Matshushita Professor of Leadership at Harvard Business School in Boston. 'They change because they have to in order to survive, and the rate of change is going up.' ...

'And we constantly fall into the trap of trying to manage change,' says Kotter. 'But large-scale change, when it happens well, has much more to do with leadership than it does with management. Don't misunderstand; you need both. You definitely need to keep the whole thing under some semblance of control, which is management's job, but the force that drives change has a lot more to do with leadership, which can come from anywhere and everywhere in an organization.'

The role of leadership is particularly important in this process because 'nontrivial' change forces people to change their behavior by changing how they feel rather than how they think. Kotter believes that if you want this to happen, you have to show people something compelling, dramatic, and inspiring. This is the domain of leaders, not managers.

'Leadership,' he says, 'deals with the feeling aspects of behavior. It's about communication, and shared vision, and the sacredness of the team, and working together to create that special sense of urgency around a worthy cause. It's more about showing people something authentic that will deeply affect their feelings than it is about presenting careful and rational analysis designed to to change their thinking.'"

I don't know where I just read this, but that doesn't really matter. The important thing to say about it is that there is no greater leadership force in the world than authentic love for other human beings - the real feeling vs. a planned manipulation, where people work half-heartedly to create the illusion of it so as to acquire its benefits. And when you do your own work so that you are coming from a deep compassion and respect for your whole self, and a rich appreciation of life and God's infinite blessings, people are inspired, simply because this is what we all want to experience, and you feel good to be around. People do their greatest work where it feels good to do it - where they feel valued, respected, and appreciated for who they are.

Doesn't this sound familiar, D.M., and so in sync with the morning conversations I've come to treasure. For you I offer this one up special, as your leadership motto for the day:

"Where the consciousness of God is present - in the desire and willingness to love others - there God is, for He is invoked through our willingness to serve His children. Where love is present, miracles happen, and commitment to love produces ever-expanding possibilities

Get your footing first, then take off.

"He who cannot relax, cannot do great work; He who cannot find solid footing, cannot go forward; He who cannot let go, cannot hold on."

--Harry Emerson Fosdick

In any great achievement, whether it be climbing a tall mountain or sailing around the world, building a great enterprise or a loving, committed marriage, or rebuilding a life or relationship after a great and terrible fall, one must first gather one's resources - being still, breathing and relaxing deeply - then stand up and plant one's feet on solid ground, ... then push off, ... and then let go.

"Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly ...
into the mystic."

-- Van Morrison

“You're ready; stand up!
Today is your day.
Your mountain is waiting
So . . . get on your way.”

-- Dr. Seuss

Leading by example

"Why is leading by example such a powerful concept? I can answer that with five short words: 'People do what people see.' It sounds so simple, but it's absolutely true. And it applies to so many areas of leadership.

First of all, it's the No. 1 motivational principle. If you want to motivate people to go to a whole new level of performance, get motivated to grow and develop yourself first. Remember—people do what people see.

Second, it's the No. 1 training principle. When someone asks me, 'How do you train your people?' I don't have to think twice about it—people do what people see. If they see their leaders constantly learning and acquiring new skills, competencies, and self-awareness, they'll be inspired to do the same.

Thirdly, 'people do what people see' is the No. 1 mentoring principle. What do you do when you mentor someone? You reveal and flesh out your life for them—you give them an insider's view of what you're experiencing and how you're handling it. The goal, of course, is for the person you're mentoring to learn from your mistakes and successes so that when they are faced with something similar, they can make the most effective choices.

Finally, it's the No. 1 values principle. A company might spend a great deal of time formulating impressive-sounding values statements and core beliefs, but these principles don't mean anything unless the leaders in the company—from the corner office on down—model them consistently.

Why is adhering to the right values such an important part of leading by example? Paul O'Neill, retired Alcoa chairman and former Treasury Secretary, gives us a clue: 'If people can find even trivial examples of deviation, those deviations will become the norm,' he says. 'You really have to be religious in making sure that you don't do something somebody can point to in a negative way.' Values will only be adhered to by employees to the extent that the top leaders live them day in and day out. If you find deviations from 'espoused' values anywhere, look first at what top leaders model, not what they say.

In other words, if you want to lead by example in a positive way, you must be committed to living a life of impeccable integrity. When you're focused on being right on the inside, you naturally lead more effectively on the outside. It starts with you and spreads out to everyone in your circle of influence.

If you want to be a successful leader in turbulent times, live with integrity and lead by example. Remember—people do what people see."

-- John Maxwell

There's not a whole lot more to say regarding this one, but that this entire message applies just as powerfully to parenting, partnering, family life, community life, and church life, as it does to leading organizations. Remember:

"A good example is the best sermon." -- Benjamin Franklin

Happy Birthday to my hourglass.

"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."

~ Jules Renard

I can be a tedious hard-head when I get caught up in my worries. I worry for people, for the world, for my family, for me. I worry I'm getting boring, old, tired, used up. My head gets very heavy with it all, and it drags me down. And then my wife starts talking, and she loves to talk late at night when I can barely focus on her words, but they get through anyway. What sounds at first like a jackhammer (which makes sense, given the thick crust I make her break through) soon shows up as a beautiful love song. And her words pull the plug on my brain, and my heart slowly fills up with love and appreciation for life, and for her. She isn't always around to see the process complete a full cycle. That is a shame, because she deserves better, but I can let her know more often how valuable her gift is and how much I depend on it. What better day to start than her birthday. Happy Birthday to my beautiful hourglass. Well, given that she's 8 months pregnant, she doesn't look like one right now, but she's always that for me regardless. I love you, Anne, with all my heart, even when my head is getting in the way.

Easing the struggle of forgiveness work

"Forgiving another who has hurt you is hard work, but it is both the right thing to do and so necessary for YOU. With a little time, and a little more insight, we begin to see ourselves and the person who hurt us in humbler profiles. We see that we are not really as innocent as we felt when we first felt the pain. And we usually do not have a hideous monster to forgive; we have a human being who can sometimes do weak, needy, and stupid things. When you see that person and yourself in the weakness and silliness of the humanity that we share (as well as in the unlimited possibility of our healing and transformation), it will make the miracle of forgiving a little easier."

-- Lewis B. Smedes

I am thinking of you, M.P., as I send this out today, knowing that you know how important this work is for you. I will send you a follow-up note introducing you to M.H., who is a master/teacher in this area, having been put to the ultimate test and now thriving as a result of taking it on and passing through it. As you explore the depths of your heart, I know you will find some answers regarding how to do the impossible, which you must do to fully explore all that's possible for you and your boys over their lifetimes. I have complete faith in you and am here to support you every step of the way.

Savoring the warmth of summer, on my knees

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

-- Albert Camus

"As soon as man no longer takes his existence for granted, but instead beholds it as something unfathomably beautiful and mysterious, it is then that life begins."

-- Albert Schweitzer

"Until your knees finally hit the floor, you're just playing at life, and on some level you're scared because you know you're just playing. That moment of perfect surrender is not when life is over. It's when it has just begun."

-- Yours Truly

This morning, as I pack up my things and prepare to leave my parents' house, I am on my knees in appreciation of life and all of its "unfathomable beauty, mystery, and warmth," and in total surrender to the preeminent importance of family. It is clear to me that my father's illness, serious and scary as it is, has brought him (and all of us along with him) closer to God and more in touch with how truly blessed he is (and we are). I was so touched to be with him in the midst of this graceful recognition. It has also brought him and my mother closer together in their love for each other and their appreciation of their soon-to-be 50-year partnership (to be celebrated early next month, just as we're delivering their 15th grandchild into this world). I had such a wonderful time with them, and we got to share each other more deeply than ever before, and I am so incredibly thankful. My sons and their girls got to participate and feel the warmth of this amazing family time, and I am thankful to them for taking the time. My brother and sisters, who live very close to Mom & Dad and can see them any time, gave us the quiet space to visit without too much fanfare, and for that I am very grateful. And I am especially thankful to Anne and Jake for giving me the encouragement and the freedom to come. Anne, you supported me unconditionally, and we took a chance, and I now return home to you, two days before your birthday, with an overflowing heart. When I get home later this morning, after checking your status and giving you a warm hug and kiss, bagelatte with Jake will be the next order of business, and you can take a much-deserved break.

For everyone else I saw on this trip, know that you are also family to me, and I love you. I am so happy to have been able to share a small piece of such an important trip with you. And for those of you who are curious about my marathon training, yes, I did my 6 miles yesterday, ending at the top of the "Rocky Steps" at the Art Museum in downtown Philadelphia.

When I received the news of my Dad's sudden health decline a month or so ago, it felt like the onset of a bitter cold winter. In the midst of all that is, I am both elated and proud to report the return of "an invincible summer."