Listen carefully.

"Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves."

-- Thomas Carlyle

"Silence is as full of potential wisdom and wit as the unhewn marble of great sculpture."

-- Aldous Huxley

Often, in the midst of life's greatest challenges and struggles, we want quick answers, or a specific list of things to do, ... and we want them right now. As a coach, I'm often asked for the answers, and I get tempted to give them, which is my fear of my own silence. We don't want to be left alone, groping in the dark, not knowing. But the truth is that we all have our greatest wisdom inside ourselves, and it connects us to God and to each other. It's often inaudible, due to all the surface noise of our lives, or forgotten, buried under years of pain and struggle. Fortunately, it lives and speaks forever, and we need only be silent with the really big questions for the beautiful truth of our lives to show up.

A tough, but very effective standard

"If something uncharitable toward another is said in your presence, either withdraw from the conversation, or speak up in favor of the absent, or, if possible, stop the conversation in its tracks and explain why you are doing so."

-- St. John Vianney

What a powerful stand on behalf of your fellow man. What a tough and very effective standard for yourself. Imagine your company, your family, your church, your whole life, if you lived according to this simple rule, and then others naturally followed, simply because it is so right. After all, "we are not here to fix, change, or belittle other people; we are here to support, forgive, heal, and celebrate one another."

Speaking of which, I want to extend a heartfelt Happy Birthday to my niece, Kelli, in Pennsylvania, and to my new friend, Savita, in India.

A Good Start in Life

“It is important for parents to communicate to their child that he or she is a member of a family, a member of a team with both privileges and responsibilities. The increased affluence of so many adults in this country has made unnecessary the chores that most nineteenth-century children were expected to perform. The fact that clothes were washed or firewood was cut was less important than the fact that this simple work allowed the child the pleasure of contributing to the family's welfare. When children believe they are contributors to their parents, they are less needy of repeated reminders that they are loved or of material signs that are supposed to persuade children of their value in their parents’ eyes."

-- Written by Jerome Kagan, Research Professor of Psychology, Harvard University, in the foreward of the book, A Good Start in Life

A good friend read this to me over the phone the other day, and it reminded me of the "serving" vs. "pleasing" distinction that I wrote about not too long ago. Many of us who grew up in some kind of hardship or struggle (that would be most of us, I'm sure) have a natural tendency to want to give our children a much better life than what we think we had growing up. Out of our own hurt, we want to make sure they're not hurt the same way. We can often go overboard with this, as if our "lightening their load" would "ease our pain." It is so natural to want to give everything we can to our children, but the one thing we can often forget in the midst of this motivation is the importance of giving our children the gift of knowing that we know they are capable of handling their lives (including the struggles), of playing their role in the family, of contributing value to us (whether in the form of physical, emotional, or spiritual services), of becoming their own heroes. Our job is not to make life easier for our children, but rather to invite them into a meaningful life with us, as part of something bigger than all of us. So today, if you'd like to really make a difference with your child - whether young or old, near or far - remind him or her of their value to you, and of the importance of what he or she uniquely contributes to you and your family, and then "receive" with gratitude.

An amazing experience of NOW!

On Saturday morning, I did my second long run of my training week, a 10K, which is 2 loops around Memorial Park. It was a typically balmy Houston morning, and I was feeling pretty good throughout the first loop, but then as I headed back out for the second one, I started to feel a little sluggish. At about a mile out, I was overwhelmed by a startling realization - that I felt impossibly far away from the end point and, even though I wanted to speed up and get it done faster, I just couldn't, and that I wanted to just stop, AND I COULDN'T! I couldn't do either of these two very desirable options, which meant that only ONE WAS LEFT! I had no choice but to be present one step after another and tune into my breathing and footfalls, now, and now, and now, and now, now, now, NOW, NOW, NOW, ....It was all there was, ... and time ceased to exist. In fact, everything ceased to exist except the feeling of my body in the now, now, now, NOW, NOW, NOW. It then became an out-of-body experience. By the time I crossed the finish line at 6.2 miles, I couldn't even remember how I got there, and then I checked my running watch and discovered, much to my amazement, that I had finished the second loop two minutes faster than the first one, and completed the whole thing in under 55 minutes, which is moving pretty good for my still 198-pound frame.

On reflecting on this phenomenon, it struck me that this is how I'm living my life these days - in the NOW. I love God and seek Heaven, but all that I can do is choose my actions NOW. I can't deny Him, and I can't speed up the trip, so here I am. I love my wife and have a vision for our marriage, but my only real measuring stick is whether I'm being loving NOW. The vision seems so confronting; I can't seem to get it right so much of the time, ... but I can't stop, either. Thank God I have a tenacious partner who is willing to put up with so much on the one hand and refuses to put up with anything on the other. Children, yea right, tell me they're not a marathon experience. I have dreams for all of them, and there are so many things that happen along the way to blow your mind, and I can never quite see the finish line, but then Jake reminds me that "it's time for bagelatte, NOW, Dada!" And professionally speaking, I used to dream about being a world-famous coach, going all over the world helping people break free of their limitations, but I'm really quite happy sitting here here having this conversation with you, meeting with the people who show up ... NOW. I can't stop living this life, exactly as it is. My commitment and will are too big, and I know what happens when you stop. And I can't speed up to get to some "finish line." My capacities are not big enough. So, here I am, with no other choice, and then time ceases to exist, and I lose myself in my life. What a fascinating design, and what a great place to be.

Remembering Donna

This weekend is a very special weekend for me. It is the time 5 years ago when I first started hearing and listening to God's voice in my life and then doing what He asked me to do. This first time, in early June of 1997, led me to Jim, which led me to his wife, Donna, who was dying, and getting to know Donna led me to Bill & Claudia at Forever Spring. Donna was a wellspring of goodness in my life, and I want to pay tribute to her today. When we first met, with her in the midst of the agonizing third stages of Lupus, she gave me a booklet entitled "Aligning with Universal Principles," and in it she wrote these words:

"Dearest Jim,

It is with a full heart that I pass this booklet along to you. Sometimes our "inner selves" - our truest selves - catch up to our physical selves in the same lifetime. That is happening here with you and me. My mission on this Earth is to love, create, give, listen, educate, nurture, and raise up my self, my parents, Jim, and any others that I meet along the way. Jim regards you highly. That speaks volumes to me. Please be sure to pass along your great zeal to all people and companies. Your love is meant to be shared.

The man who wrote this booklet was one of my bosses many years ago. He made a choice to change his life back then. We are still in touch. I worked with him when I was 19. He's truly wonderful, and you're supposed to meet him. I hope we will all speak together one day.

Warmest regards,

Donna"

Well, we never did all get together, but Donna made her connection; she served her profound purpose with everyone she touched and, in my case, the rest is history. I would not be writing this today, or any of the other daily messages over the last 4 years or so, if that amazing sequence of events hadn't happened. Thank you, Donna, for being a special angel in my life and for helping me along my life's path.

In early April, 1994, before I had ever known him, and while I was climbing out of darkness and into consciousness in my life, Bill wrote these words, which apprear in the Foreword of his booklet:

"I thank all of you who have the courage to take your lives seriously enough to learn more about the process of living."

Now I am proud to say those same words to the 500 or so of you around the world. Yes, Donna, love is to be shared.