Beautiful words, from a beautiful book, gifted by a beautiful woman

"The man is happiest who lives from day to day and asks no more, garnering the simple goodness of a life."

-- Euripides

"Contentment is a state of grace, a state of peace and happiness, appreciation and enjoyment for what is, right now. Desires, in contrast, can never be satisfied. Once we get what we crave, we soon find it less satisfying than we expected, so we strive for something else. The only escape from this perpetual wheel of want is to discover the contentment and perfection we already have. Contentment - a frozen moment of joy, a perfect now - will, if we allow it, expand to become a lasting expression of warmth and appreciation for the gift of life. ... It may be fleeting; it may last for a few minutes, hours, or days. For the disciplined and/or fortunate, it may last a lifetime."

-- Gillian Stokes, in Contentment; wisdom from around the world

Thank you, P.A., for your beautiful and thoughtful gift, and for the honor of serving you.

The most effective way to make a difference

"You can be 100% responsible for how your children (or your employees) turn out, and you do that by teaching them that they are 100% responsible, ... by the way you live your life."

-- Peter Koestenbaum

I had a friend ask me yesterday to repeat this one from years ago. It is my favorite parenting/leadership quote of all time. It says it all. And no, you cannot change or control others in any way, ever, but you can be 100% responsible for them, and the only way to do so is to be 100% responsible for yourself - relentlessly so - and then make that lesson available to them. That is the biggest and most effective invitation to positive change for anyone - seeing someone you respect and/or love modeling (or "being") that change in their own lives. People really want to be responsible for themselves spiritually, but they don't always know how, nor do they naturally find much support in the world. And it is really hard work. It is much easier to do the minimum, or the automatic (which is sometimes the over-the-top maximum for us workaholics), and then to make sure you have someone(s) to blame. Let's be the leaders who are most relentless with ourselves first.

Wild at Heart

These quotes are from the book, Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge, a frequent recommendation these days for men struggling to be all that they can be, amidst great confusion about what it really means to be a man today, and for women seeking to better understand the inner workings of their men. These are all great reminders of our amazing journeys as men, our deepest struggles, and our need for each other - for brotherhood in "the fighting of the good fight." For you good men out there, enjoy, and know that you are definitely not alone.

"Life needs a man to be fierce - and fiercely devoted… there is something fierce in the heart of every man."

"In the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue."

"It's not just that a man needs a battle to fight; he needs someone to fight for."

"True masculinity is deeply spiritual."

"The true essence of strength is passed to us from God through our union with Him."

"We give a half-hearted attempt at the spiritual disciplines when the only reason we have is that we 'ought' to. But we'll find a way to make it work when we are convinced we're history if we don't."

"The secret longing of your heart, whether it's to build a boat and sail it, to write a symphony and play it, to plant a field and care for it - those are the things you were made to do."

"Until a man knows he's a man he will forever be trying to prove he is one, while at the same time shrink from anything that might reveal he is not."

"Most men I know are trying hard not to become like their fathers." (I can assure you that this is not me, Dad.)

"A man's addictions are the result of his refusing his strength."

"We don't need accountability groups (or watchdogs); we need fellow warriors, someone to fight alongside, someone to watch our back."

I am particularly intrigued by the accelerating awakening of men of all ages, and all over the world, to the full magnificence of what it is to be an effective, healthy, loving, and powerful man today. Coming to peace with this question and with yourself can be a harrowing process and take years. During this time it's important to have a friend or two or three, someone who believes in you while you struggle through it, someone who's been there themselves. I had several of those someones during the scariest times for me, and in many very real ways, they saved my life, just as I was learning to redeem it. It is an honor to stand arm-in-arm with all of you who have invited me into this powerful conversation with you.

Perseverance

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second." ~ William James

"The impossible is often the untried." ~ Jim Goodwin

"Life is full of obstacle illusions." ~ Grant Frazier

One of my greatest achievements in my life, running my first marathon in 1994, occurred only because I sought something out that I had previously deemed impossible, so that I could prove to myself that anything was possible. And it worked! I definitely found my second wind, and my third, and my fourth, and ..., well, you get the picture. It was a defining moment, the beginning of a spiritual awakening, and a definite example of "mind over matter." And now, after 9 years of re-building my life from the ashes of past mistakes and pulling all the pieces of the puzzle together for the next great stage of the adventure, I have purposefully re-defined "impossibility" - all as a challenging game designed to catapult me over the "obstacle" of it - as having the following characteristics, where all must be present at the same time:

1) I first listen for and then follow God's instructions every day, without compromise, and then share my appreciation for my life every night.
2) I take great care and relish the experience of my body, mind, and emotions as my "human capacity" for doing the work I'm asked to do.
3) I am a living testimony to my love and devotion for Anne, my three sons, and our new unborn baby, and I share everything that I am with them.
4) I am available for my family, friends, clients, and chosen communities, to the full extent that my energy allows, but only after the above are handled.
5) Abundance flows freely through our lives, and everything we need to live, love, and serve our purpose is readily available.

Now this seems impossible enough - achieving the perfect balance of these things. What a worthy impossibility to play with, and it could just take me a lifetime. How wonderful! :-) So, in case you're wondering, yesterday I made some crucial adjustments in my attitude toward things. I had a very peaceful day of reflection, and still completed my running commitment for April, supported my wife attentively, played with Jake both morning and evening, and this morning I will have my bagelatte time with Jake and then spend the afternoon on the golf course with the pastor I'm working with. Now this is more like it. There's that "learning cycle" in action again, teaching me how to act on my vision before it's my natural state, thereby helping it become so.

Honor the dirt from which you come.

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people (like a beautiful garden) do not just happen."

-- Elizabeth Kubler Ross

I worked with a couple in India last night over Yahoo Messenger (well, it was 5:00 in the morning for them), and this morning I received an incredible note from the wife, S. It was so moving in its poignancy, part of it a cry for help:

"Now I am actually wondering What is this Trust (in marriage)! You know Jim, right now I am extremely_______for lack of the right words! I am sure I am making some or many mistakes, am not doing it right..yet I am not able to see them! This I feel is the biggest punishment/ or should I say banishment! For if I don’t see where I need to improve.. I have sealed all roads to progress..pray God, show me my mistakes." -- S.

This message came to me after a grueling late-night conversation with Anne last night about her concerns that I am not taking good enough care of myself to be the loving, supportive husband she needs right now. She is experiencing some mid-pregnancy pains and stresses, and she wants an understanding rock to lean on and a partner to process emotions with. I have not been that lately. After a difficult year of scarcity and strain last year, in which I also did not take care of my body and swelled up to 210 pounds, I have turned my attention to my health & fitness and my finances, thinking that I am doing the best things to support myself and my family, and right now both of those things are improving dramatically. That's the good news. But then again, after my relationship with God and my own well-being, my commitments to my marriage come next, and I am falling short of giving Anne the feelings I want to give her - the deep caring and compassion, the loving support, the peace and warmth. She was quick to point out that what she wants from me (my emotional availability) are what I say I want for myself, and she's right (dammit). So, like a constantly shifting puzzle, I have important "work to do," and it involves letting go of "working so hard," so that I can feel and share my emotions with my wife, such that we can share this incredible emotional journey that we're on. Hmmm... This sounds vaguely familiar. Sounds like something I've been hearing and saying a lot lately. It just is so hard to get it all right. And I have so much guilt and regret for my screw-ups in the face of previous struggles. And then I come across my own wisdom from last year, and remember, both for S. and myself:

"As seedlings buried in dirt and struggling for the surface, we can't actually see the dirt we're in. When we poke through the crust and start reaching for the sun, we get to clearly see the dirt we've sprung from for the first time. At first glance, in contrast with the clean fresh air and sunlight of our highest vision, it might appear disgusting and gross and something to get out of quickly. The fact is that struggling through it gave us new life, and it will always feed us part of what we need to thrive - a reminder of where we came from, in which we remain fundamentally rooted. Rather than curse the dirt, why not reach back into it and draw from its essential nutrients, and then reach out and offer our support to others as they find their way through their life's dirt and into their own sunlight. The whole process is God's design, and it's all beautiful in the unfolding."

I think the secret, S., is to remember that we are all beautiful children of God, struggling to touch His face. In our struggle, we tend to judge ourselves very harshly, but it is in staying true to the struggle that we most please Him, and in surrendering to the gift and privilege that the whole process is that we get to experience our own bliss.

As I venture out this morning to run my last few miles of my 75-mile commitment for April, having now gotten back under 200 pounds and moving back toward my goal of 185, and feeling strong, I will ponder my own words and look at my own life, realizing the constancy (and beauty) of this magnificent adventure. I will thank God for the abundance of good work and money that's flowing right now, and trust it, shifting my energy focus to my own peacefulness and to my amazing wife and partner, who I adore. Thank you, God, for continuing to supply me with such amazing opportunities (and support) to grow closer to you.

I love this list!

TEN CHARACTERISTICS OF THE SERVANT-LEADER - Larry Spears
1) Listening receptively
2) Acceptance of (and empathy with) others
3) Foresight and intuition
4) Awareness and perceptiveness
5) Highly developed powers of persuasion
6) Ability to conceptualize and communicate complex concepts
7) A healing influence upon people and institutions
8) Ability to build a sense of community in the workplace
9) Practiced and skilled in contemplation and quiet perseverance
10) Willingness to change

I love this list, especially after two straight days of "listening" messages, and here's another thought that puts it at the top of the list of the most important human attributes - and something that requires no stress or strain, in fact no "doing," ... but more "being." In fact, this is a real "being-ness" list, wouldn't you agree, D.M. & D.P.? These are things you discovered in childhood and either have remembered all your life, or forgot until disaster struck and had you remember again. And interestingly enough, a whole lot of important stuff and great results happen around CEO's and all people who possess these wonderful qualities, ... and I see the growing evidence of this around each of you.

After writing this, I came across an interesting article that a friend had cut out of the newspaper for me that reinforced this point about learning many of these things in childhood:

"My friend's grandchildren are blissfully free to fill up carefree hours between naps and meals with toys, games, and playmates (sounds like Jake's day). Except for territorial boundaries imposed by their harried parents and caregivers, they can explore and learn as far as imagination and whim can take them. These toddlers are too young to be pushed by well-meaning adults toward the "best" activities, the "best" schools, the "best" grades, the "best" careers, the "best" partners, the "best" pension plans. I watch these innocents with great curiosity and wonder, after being treated to a recent reminder that the lessons and pleasures we discovered on our own in early childhood also help us become effective, happy, and successful adults."

Somewhere along the line we tend to forget that it's not about the "best," it's about the "most true," which comes naturally when we let it. Let's all support each other in remembering.

Listening to God

"If we have listening ears, God speaks to us in our own language, whatever that language is."

-- Mahatma Gandhi

The key, once again, is in our "listening." I am learning much these days about the benefits and the immense power of active listening, and how unpracticed and unskilled most of us are at it. It is a wondrous act of great compassion, love, and respect for others, and it trains our ears to listen for and to God. I spent many years not listening. Coincidentally, they were my darkest, loneliest years. And that was when I learned to listen. Hmmmmm..... Here's hoping that you find your time and place to listen well today and every day, and to receive the many blessings that come along with the connections you build, especially the most important one.