To risk is to be free.

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before others is to risk their loss, or worse, their rejection.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave; he has forfeited freedom. Only he who risks is truly free.

- unknown

How many times have I done nothing when my spirit cried out for me to act consistent with my belief in myself and my faith in God, or said nothing when I knew what was right and true but made up that nobody else could hear it, or felt nothing, choosing to ignore my own or another's deepest emotions because it was just too uncomfortable to go there? These were the times that I chose fear over love, safety over my dreams, survival over life, my human comfort over God. After a very difficult 2002, a year in which I felt fully tested, I can look back now and realize that my so-called test, one that felt like death on numerous occasions, was created out of how I was choosing to experiencing life - I was too scared to risk remaining totally true to Who I Am in the face of my worst fears. January, 2003, is the best month of my recent memory. I feel alive again, and it's not because it's been a good month. This month is no different than any other month - stuff happened. After my "death" in December, I have remembered to risk my life every day to have my life, to walk in the path of God's simple instructions to me, and it's really good to be back.

For those of you who have been interested in what Jake has to say about all this, here are his morning musings before our morning bagelatte:

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True charity

"Throwing a bone to the dog is not charity.
Charity is the bone shared with the dog,
when you are just as hungry as the dog."


-- Jack London

"Better is the poor who walks in his integrity
than he who is crooked though he be rich."

-- Proverbs 28:6


Yesterday was a day to first contemplate and then experience true charity as a human expression of love. First I thought about my friend, R.S., who is the Chairman of the Board, as well as a tireless volunteer, for a local non-profit organization called Pro-Vision. I've spoken of it before and how moved and inspired I am by Ron's giving to young teenage boys in need, and Ron doesn't do it from a place of what most of society would call personal wealth. Ron gives of himself more than most people I know, and he does it from within, or in spite of, his own personal needs. He puts his needs last, after his commitments to God, his family, and his vision for the lives of these young men. He is one of my life's real heroes. After thinking of Ron, the first of the above quotes miraculously appeared on my desk. Then I had the most amazing opportunity to see true charity in action once again a little later in the day. I was invited by another client/friend, D.M., to attend a special luncheon at Star of Hope (http://www.star-of-hope.org/), a non-profit organization here in Houston that helps the homeless through emergency shelters and transitional living centers. I met the leaders of the organization, who are truly extraordinary human beings, received a wonderful tour of the TLC facility (what an appropriate acronym), and then attended the most inspiring graduation ceremony for 24 people who had completed various educational programs while staying at the facility, ranging from emergency drug and/or alcohol rehabilitation, to personal development, to building better families, to career development, including various computer courses. It was absolutely incredible. The graduates were so happy and thankful and gave such moving testimony to the amazing work on the part of the dedicated staff, and they even spoke of wanting to succeed so that they could give back, knowing that some of them would move on in their lives and make more money than many of those staff members and volunteers at the facility. But you could tell they really got the message - that these tireless "givers" were the richest people in the world, and that God was blessing them with the integrity with which they live their lives. Along those same lines, one of the graduates offered the second of the above quotes as part of her acknowledgement of herself, her classmates, and as a thank you to the staff, making it clear that she really "gets it," and it seemed the perfect complement to the first. Once again, thank you, D.M., for making my afternoon so beautifully meaningful and for continuing to inspire me with your ever-expanding vision.

And finally, as I was writing this this morning, I remembered and then found a little message that God had whispered in my ear and that I had scribbled down in my 10-year-journal, and sure enough it was on the page for this same date last year, and it reads: "Do good, and be glad, for goodness is its own reward." J.J., this journal keeps blowing me away every day. It has been the gift that just keeps giving.

Embracing my own comedy

"The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking one's self seriously. The first is imperative and the second disastrous."

-- Margot Fonteyn

"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."

-- Anonymous

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

-- Robin Williams

"Laughter, indeed, is God's therapy."

-- Malcolm Muggeridge

In the midst of a very serious week of very serious work, I am taking a minute to recognize how funny and just plain goofy I can sometimes be, and to cherish my own personal "little spark of madness." It's really the only thing that keeps me sane.

The challenge of intimacy

"Others are mirrors in which we are constrained to see ourselves, not as we would like to be, but as we are. Whenever we pull away, searching in one mirror after another for a more pleasing image, what we are really doing is avoiding the truth about ourselves...

... Hiding is not what marriage partnership is about. Marriage means being in the spotlight, being under the unceasing scrutiny of another person, just as we are all under the constant gaze of God. Marriage is about nakedness, exposure, defenselessness, and the very extremities of intimacy. It is about simple unadorned truth between two human beings, truth at all levels and at all costs, and it does not care what pain or inconvenience must be endured in order for the habit of truth to take root, to be watered, and to grow into full maturity...

Of course, only God can give people the strange desire to know the whole truth about themselves, and the strength and courage to live life wide open, exposing their lives before one another. And how does He do it? How does He slip us this bitter pill, coated with intense desire and determination? Fortunately, the pill is also lavishly coated with the mystery we call love, which is the only thing in heaven or on earth which can shield us from the horror of knowing what we are really like. That, in fact, is what God's love is: it is His armor, a holy armor of forgiveness and acceptance that we put on over our corruption and ignorance, an armor of worth or worthiness that completely covers our own sense of worthlessness."

-- Mike Mason, from The Mystery of Marriage

Yesterday was a day filled with challenging relationship work, the most daunting place for most of us, that place of intimate partnership with a person we "claim to love." It is a bold statement, "I love you.", requiring an even bolder commitment to what it takes to fully meeting its demands "with action" rather than just with words. I spent the better part of my day yesterday inside 6 different relationship scenarios - two marriages where infidelity (in one case fully exposed and in another soon to be so) was wreaking havoc, two marriages caught up in the day-to-day struggle to fully experience love amidst life's chaos (one of those my own), one long-term relationship between two people struggling to find a way to stop hurting each other out of their own deep personal hurt, and one personal and very hopeful search for meaningful relationship after several difficult, painful failures. I share this message after a loud and bitter argument with my own wife the other night where I was confronted with my own childish ego needs, in the midst of having swallowed this "bitter pill." Suffice it to say I spent yesterday on my knees, asking forgiveness from both her and God for my petty foolishess. I have tremendous respect for anyone who takes this confronting work on, and I am dedicating this message to those brave souls out there who are willing to apply the toughest standard to their loving actions every day. You are surely earning life's richest reward, and the price is very high indeed. And to those of you I supported directly yesterday, I say to you that I will never give up standing side-by-side with you to the very end in your battle for your own salvation.

Dream on!

"Realistic people" who pursue "practical aims" are rarely as realistic or practical, in the long run of life, as the dreamers who pursue their dreams at the risk of everything.

-- Hans Selye

I doubt very much that at the end of your life you will be wishing you had been more practical and realistic in life. Evidence and survey statistics clearly indicate that you will wish you had taken more risks - to attempt more, be more, celebrate more, express more, feel more, give more, ... love more. Understanding this, take a look at your current situation in life. Are you letting your brain out-maneuver your heart in steering your ship? Are you playing it safe? Have you ever held the wheel of a sailboat in a squall? What a rush, and there's no way to handle it but to turn your face to the sky and scream (kind of like the legless Lieutenant Dan, strapped atop the shrimp boat, Jenny, in the movie, "Forrest Gump"). And, if you survive, you will have known what it is to sail.

Leadership team-building paradox

I am dedicating this message to two local companies I'm working with whose senior leadership teams are coincidentally both meeting today. I'll be with them in spirit, supporting both of them with this same theme.

"The key elements in the art of working together in a team are how to deal with change, how to deal with conflict, and how to reach our individual potential...the needs of the team are best met when we all work together to support the journey of each individual person."

-- Max DePree

"To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution."

-- Joe Cordare

This is such a juicy paradox - that the best way to participate in a team is to be fully responsible for ourselves individually, AND the best way to participate in a team is to help others be fully responsible for themselves individually, AND when we are all responsible for ourselves, both individually and collectively, and fill ourselves up with self-respect and a rich feeling of self-worth, we are then and only then able to be truly selfless in working together in leadership service of others.

When our individual needs are met we are free to do our most productive leadership work. And when they're not, our efforts are cluttered with and hindered by our own personal self-interest. And the discernment of that for each of us is an individual choice in each moment, and one that tends to be made most powerfully in the midst of great acceptance, encouragement, and support from our "teammates."

And to those of you who would retort, "But we don't have the time to worry about this kind of stuff!," I would humbly assert that you don't have the time (to waste on petty one-up-manship, politics, turf battles, etc.) not to.

Joy

"Joy, rather than happiness, is the goal of life,
for joy is the emotion which accompanies our
fulfilling our true natures as human beings. It is
based on the experience of one's identity as a
unique being of worth, dignity, and beauty."

-- Rollo May

This turned out to be the front page "theme quote" for a woman I began the Life Plan process with last week, and I wanted to share it with all of you to extend the power supply supporting her vision for her life. And in our conversation about achieving joy, we also discussed the importance of staying true to ourselves in a disciplined way, so I'll add this one for good measure:

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments."

Here's to you, P.M.! May God bless you on your journey.