Being vs. doing

I think it was Emerson who said: "Who you are being is speaking so loudly that I can't hear what you are saying."

Along those lines, I had a fascinating conversation yesterday with a powerful local business leader and a man I respect a great deal, in which we were exploring the relative power of "being" (reflected in attitudes, beliefs, perspectives, thoughts, and visions) vs. "doing" (reflected in actions and words) in the realm of leadership. We discussed the natural phenomenon that the higher you ascend the leadership ladder in life - or, to put it another way, the bigger your vision - the more your power tends to emanate from "who you are being" rather than "what you are doing." The good news is that it really does start to become possible to achieve far more in life while "doing" less. The challenge is that it takes a growing amount of courage, discipline, faith, and focus to stay clear and concise about who you are and what you stand for. At one point, we explored the notion that there is often more leadership power in "doing" nothing in the face of many organizational conflicts and dramas than in actively trying to fix things. But there's an important caveat, and that is that who you are "being" for others as a leader in the midst of this struggle will often determine its ultimate outcome. At the end of a deep conversation on the subject, I made a brief summarizing remark that he found interesting but a little much to digest after our intense dialogue, so I promised him I would post it here for him to review later, thereby allowing all of us to reflect on it in our own quiet time.

"Doing" nothing, while "being" closed-minded, suspicious, unapproachable, and uninformed - quietly fearing the worst - usually produces unpredictable negative results and a tremendous amount of energy wasted on people blaming each other. On the other hand, "doing" nothing, while "being" approachable, aware, inquisitive, straight, and relentlessly true to your vision - openly inviting and challenging people to be their best - usually produces predictable positive results and a lot of people feeling great about themselves.

Leadership blessing

"Blessed are the leaders who always seek the very best for those they serve - who, by the way they live their own lives, inspire others to continually strive to be their very best."

I'm in a "keep it short and sweet" kind of mood today, offering this simple prayer for all leaders all over the world. Sometimes less really is more.

Is the world ready for you?

"Whatever you're ready for is ready for you."

-- Mark Victor Hanson

I work with many people who wonder if the world is ready for their dream, or if their future audience is ready for them. What I have discovered over time is captured well in today's quote. It's not about the world's or the audience's readiness; it's about whether you are ready. When we get to the place where we truly "believe in the beauty of our own dream," as Eleanor Roosevelt said so eloquently, then the future is surely ready for us; in fact, it's waiting with open arms.

Staying focused on reality

I found two fascinating quotes from two different sources a while ago that I've since combined and infused with my own experience, resulting in this subtle piece of personal wisdom that helps me stay focused on reality. I hope you find it thought-provoking and useful:

"It is not our arrogance but our humility that teaches us that who we are is 'good enough,' and that what we have to say is worth hearing by others. It is our own self-hatred that makes it difficult and painful for us to consistently support and nurture other people because, after all, supporting others amounts to supporting ourselves."

"Judgmentalness, on the other hand, distracts our attention from the reality of the current situation. Instead of perceiving things as they really are inside ourselves, we are dwelling on our ideas of how the situation outside of us 'should' be. In order to judge other people, we must repress our awareness that we have performed similar acts or are capable of similar behavior. When we judge, we are always being hypocrites, and the unresolved energy that produces these judgmental thoughts, images, tones, and actions draw our attention to them such that we are not attending to what we could do to benefit the present situation or the person we're thinking about."

Honoring our deaths and rebirths

"And so long as you have not experienced this:

To die, and so to grow,

You are but a troubled guest on this dark earth."

--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I just had the most extreme pleasure last week of having dinner with my "sister" and coaching partner, Katie, and her new "boyfriend," Gerry. I put that in quotes because this relationship is so much more than that; we just don't quite have the language for it yet. Katie and I have supported each other in our journeys of self-discovery over the last several years, and the area of life that has been most important to Katie in all the time I've known her - in fact, she was feeling tested to the point of giving up, but she didn't - was finding her life partner. It is looking more and more like she's found him - and him her - these days, and I got to meet him over this dinner, and it was so touching and wonderful. So much so that Gerry, in hearing my life story and reflecting on all three of our stories, shared this quote with me as one of his favorites. I told him I wanted to share it with all of you as a tribute to the man I believe will soon become my new "honorary brother-in-law." In late February I will be meeting with Katie and Gerry to explore, capture, and document the intentions for their partnership. Yes, you heard that right. A little scary, right Katie and Gerry? This will be a form of dying for both of them, from a life of comfortable, confident, yet somewhat isolated, independence to one of fragile, vulnerable, yet deeply connected, interdependence - a huge leap of growth into life at its best.

I have several clients/friends in the process of "dying" right now, from one phase of life into another. Sometimes it looks tremendously hopeful, like Katie's and Gerry's story, and sometimes it looks like falling into a bottomless pit of hopeless despair. It's really all the same - one door closes, another one opens. It is a heart-rending thing to stand by, stay near, and support someone through. There's nothing you actually "do," really, other than love them with all that you are, which is everything. I've been there, will be again, and know how important it is to go through this, and I know what lies on the other side, so I wait with silent prayer and great compassion, standing in that wonderful and continual re-birth that life is.

Here's to Katie and Gerry!

A tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

This is just a small piece of a series of Martin Luther King tribute quotes I received a few days ago from a friend, a very fitting piece, in that I am working with a growing number of powerful, successful, wealthy people lately who are questioning "what's next?" in their lives. I think this very timely message might partially answer that question.


"As long as there is poverty in the world I can never be rich, even if I have a billion dollars. As long as diseases are rampant and millions of people in this world cannot expect to live more than twenty-eight or thirty years, I can never be totally healthy, even if I just got a good checkup at the Mayo Clinic. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the way our world is made. No individual or nation can stand out boasting of being independent. We are all interdependent."

"I have the audacity to believe that people everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality, and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down, other-centered men can build up."

"Freedom has always been an expensive thing. History is fit testimony to the fact that freedom is rarely (if ever) gained (and maintained) without sacrifice and self-denial."

If this sounds like a familiar theme from me, you might be recalling a piece I wrote and sent out last year entitled "Transcending Our Animal Instincts." I attached it in case you might be interested in reading it again.