Congratulations, Jimbo!

"Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight."

-- Mark Victor Hansen

My son, Jim, just finished four and a half years of college work and graduated from Rutgers University this week. He achieved everything he set out to do in his undergraduate studies in Bio-Engineering - he learned a ton from great teachers, got outstanding grades, got some meaningful and very relevant co-op experience, worked hard and paid for most of the program himself through jobs and scholarships he earned. He now moves on to a great job with a great company. He's in a wonderful relationship with a great girl, with whom he'll be traveling cross-country next year, promising to stop over in Houston to see us on their way home. He plans to begin study for his Masters in 2004, and he's sure to get a fellowship offer from a wonderful school, because he's worth it. My biggest desire for you now, Jim, is in the above quote - that you take the time to reward yourself simply for being you. Your accomplishment of this last four and a half years is awesome. Revel in it. You deserve it. I also know that you will equally revel in life, knowing that you deserve "delight, happiness, and peace of mind," simply for being Jim. You are a wonderful man, son, student of life, and I adore you. Congratulations, Jimbo!

Level 5 Leadership

"Leading from good to great does not mean coming up with the answers and then motivating everyone to follow your messianic vision. It means asking the really big questions, then having the humility to grasp the fact that you do not yet understand enough to have the answers, and then inviting everyone to keep asking the questions that will lead to bigger and better insights. ... Level 5 leaders build enduring greatness through a paradoxical blend of personal humility and relentless professional will. ... For some people, work will always be foremost about what they get - fame, fortune, adulation, power, whatever - not what they build, create, and contribute. But many have the potential to evolve to Level 5; the capability resides within them, perhaps buried or ignored for a while, but there nonetheless. Under the right circumstances - self-reflection, conscious personal development, a mentor, a great teacher, loving parents, a significant life experience, a Level 5 manager, or any number of other factors, they begin to develop themselves into Level 5."

-- Jim Collins, from Good to Great

I've had a couple of organizations ask me lately to support their leaders in working toward Level 5 leadership behavior - this "paradoxical blend of personal humility and relentless professional will" that Jim Collins talks about. What an amazing and humbling request. To support people in this level of commitment starts with the knowing that they are about to take a most daunting inner journey into their own souls to that place that has no room for either ego or failure. The pathway to that place is guarded by some terrible personal "dragons" that must be overcome without armor or weapons, because the tools of the past - the tools of conquest and control and self-protection - are no longer of any benefit or usefulness in this new game. In fact, they are a hindrance. The new tools will be forged in the fire of one's most painful self-awareness, leading to a total selflessness on behalf of others.

The new work paradigm

"Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century."

-- Perelman

I found this quote about 5 years ago and stored it away, and at the time it sounded a little strange, but in light of recent conversations with so many of you, it is not sounding nearly as strange today. As a Life Coach, I can really relate, given that my "living" is based primarily on "learning" about myself in relationship with others.

Christmas prayer

A client/friend of mine gave me a little prayer book last week, a very meaningful and wonderful gift this time of year, and in it I found the little gem of a prayer below, which I offer as a Christmas prayer for all of us. And Anne and I had Chinese food over the weekend and my fortune was so right on that I used it as a bookmark in the prayer book. It reads:

"He who knows he has enough is rich."

Thank you for being in my life this year, sharing both the good times and the bad, the agony and the ecstasy, and for continually making me aware of how incredibly rich I am. I have more than enough, thanks to all of you.

Speak, Lord; I will listen.
You do not come to my soul without
speaking to me in some way.
You make your presence known in
the heart and mind of faith.
I will be quiet, and let my desires
and worries rest, in order to hear you.
In silence, I will learn to know
your intimate Will in my regard.

Breaking barriers / making connections

I have what I hope will be a fun little experiment about breaking barriers and making connections that I hope you will enjoy on this morning of Christmas Eve. A good friend/client/partner has written a summary of her personal reflections on 2002 and hopes for 2003, right on the heels of mine from yesterday. She wrote it in Spanish for some close members of her email community and translated it for me this morning, and I found both the writing and the experience of hearing it translated in front of me very beautiful and touching. I wanted to share an opportunity for you to have that same experience electronically, if you're willing to make a little effort. If you read Spanish, I simply invite you to enjoy these musings from a fellow traveller. If you don't, like me, you will need translation, and I would expect that you know someone somewhere in your own email network who can do the translation for you. You can enjoy the experience of connecting with them, and then enjoy the translation - two treats for the price of one. If you don't want to bother with the game, but are interested in what is being said below, I'm going to ask my client/friend, C.H., who is a translator among other things, to do me the honor so that I have a translation available for anyone who wants it. I could ask the author, S.F., but I wanted to spread the joy of this experience around as widely as possible. Have fun, and thank you, S.F., for sharing yourself with us in such rich fashion. I will be happy to share everyone's feedback with you as they experience your beautiful writing check back in.

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Comparto esto como regalo de mi intimidad con vosotros en esta Navidad.

En 2002:

estoy aprendiendo a decir la verdad y en ello a vislumbrar la verdadera libertad- aprendiendo que la verdad no son los hechos solo, y no son las profundidades sobre los que los hechos se apoyan solo, son ambas cosas, existiendo en combinacion para expresar un todo, el si y el no, el yin y el yang-

estoy aprendiendo el poder de la palabra, aun en el silencio, y la necesidad de hablar cuando el miedo me quiere callar, estoy aprendiendo a dejarme llevar, a ser flauta para el viento, a abrirme a lo que desea ser dicho sin a tarme a mis propias palabras-

estoy aprendiendo el poder del entendimiento en el simple hecho de comprender en el silencio- aprendiendo en la humillacion, en el no entender, en el ser destruida para volver a renacer

estoy aprendiendo el poder de mi actividad diaria, en mi hogar, cuando entre mis paredes, sola, en el limpiar del dia a dia, soy capaz de enfrentarme a los miedos profundos de mi alma que son los miedos del mundo, cortados a mi medida-

estoy aprendiendo a amar a mi marido con un amor que no sabia existia en mi y en ello sentir que mi matrimonio es sacramento y fuego para tran s formar mi esencia-

estoy aprendiendo a amarme a mi misma aun cuando me queda tanto por aprender-

estoy aprendiendo a reir mas con mis hijos y mandar menos-

Lo que quiero aprender en el 2003:

-quiero aprender a ser amiga, no solo no se entregar mi vida por otros, tampoco se amar sin condiciones, confiar, decir siempre la verdad

-quiero dejarme llevar siempre que lo siento de la alegria en una risa amplia y agradecida, me sigo aferrando a las crisis innecesarias por miedo

-quiero salirme de mis prejuicios y de mis clasicismos

-quiero sentir abundancia, sentir que no necesito nada

-quiero invitar a Stefan, y Marco a vivir en Jesus, a que sientan que esta entre nosotros

Es bueno saber que Dios eligio un pesebre sobre el que nacer, porque hay momentos en que me siento como uno. Y en otros siento que mi alma esta hecha de oro y que puede volar. Le ofrezco ambos en esta Navidad al Niño.

A vosotros mi amor porque sois parte del oro de mi vida y me siento agradecida de que Dios nos haya hecho puesto en el camino.

S.F.

Examine your lens

"We must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as the world we see, and understand that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world."

-- Stephen Covey

I am ready to try on a new lens for 2003, starting right now, but first I must acknowledge and remove the one I've unconsciously seen the world through all during this current year, so please bear with me as I unburden myself.

Late last week I learned that our application for our mortgage loan consolidation and refinancing, something I counted on to get us through the holiday months and give us a chance to start the New Year on solid financial ground, was rejected. It seems that my income was not as predictable and steady this year as the bank would like to see, and that my expenses were out of line as a percentage of my income (well over the 50% ceiling), so "strike one," as they say. This was devastating news, and it hit me much bigger and harder than simply being rejected for a loan. It hit me like a kick in the stomach. This means no money for Christmas presents, or Jim's graduation, or the trip north to see our families, not until we scramble to secure another loan somewhere or sell off some retirement funds. After picking myself up off the floor and examining things more closely, with the help of my family and a few close friends, I noticed something about myself. This experience has helped me become clearer about something that has been going on with me throughout this entire year. I noticed the lens through which I've been seeing the world in 2002. In the few years leading up to this one, I used money - the ample supply of it - to avoid seeing myself and feeling my feelings. I was oblivious to the lens that I wore those years that necessitated this "masking over" effect. I used money to appease my guilt from the past, guilt for leading an unconscious life that hurt me and others. Now that money's not so plentiful, it's evident that I feel conflicted about being so happy and fulfilled, living exactly the life I choose. I can see that I have been experiencing 2002 through a lens of useless guilt - guilt for my past mistakes, for being me, for even being alive - and I'm consciously removing that lens now. It doesn't serve me or anyone else. It is a totally useless burden. Others have seen this about me before I have. To them I say thank you for your compassion and your patience. I've had some powerful conversations with some important men in my life over the last few days - my Dad and my sons at the top of that list. They understand what I'm going through, feel for me, are disappointed we won't be seeing each other this holiday season, and they still love me anyway. What a revelation and a blessing.

Now that I see the nature of this dynamic, the lens I choose for next year is one of richly deserved abundance and peaceful self-acceptance, continuing my work to serve others in the midst of my own feelings, whatever they are in the moment, while lightening up on myself, knowing that the world does not depend on me being perfect. What a relief! I have lots of great work ahead in 2003 with lots of wonderful people, and a growing peacefulness about it that knows it's not really that important in the grand scheme of things. Enjoying my life is my greatest possible tribute to God and the most authentic expression of my love for those I care about most, and that is what lies ahead for me and them next year. Along with many of you who have known this about me all along, I now get it that, "It's about time, Jim." The wonderful truth of the matter is that I now feel I've earned it for myself.

Getting what we need from God

I know I've sent this out before, and not too long ago at that, but it just keeps showing up lately. I sent it to a friend in need a few weeks ago. I used it in a Life Plan for D.M. earlier this week. And I included it in a letter to my son that I wrote Friday night and mailed out yesterday. It just fits me right now, so I am honoring the moment:

I asked for Strength,
and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom,
and God gave me tough problems to solve to help me learn.


I asked for Prosperity,
and God gave me the intelligence, strength, and will to do His work.

I asked for Courage,
and God gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for Compassion,
and God gave me troubled souls to love and support.

I asked for Favor, and God gave me endless opportunities.
In the process I got nothing I asked for, but everything I needed to have it all."