Life as a journey home

"We shall not cease from exploration - and the end of all our exploring - will be to arrive where we started - and know the place for the first time."

-- T. S. Eliot

Recently I have had the extreme privilege of hearing so many people's fascinating stories about their own personal discovery of this great truth, after a lifetime (to date) of frantic exploring. Right at the moment of exhaustion and frustration, at that moment of truth when life as we know it hangs in the balance, to turn and see the truth that was there all along - what an exasparating miracle it all is. To learn that we are worthy of love being exactly "who" we are, that we are surrounded by life's abundance exactly "where" we are, that all that really matters is this moment "when" we are, doing "what" we are doing, clear about "why" we are doing it - all this truth sitting there when we've spent a lifetime trying to be someone else, acquiring enough money and things to make us feel worthy of love, in a frantic attempt to secure a future that can never be secured, while never being fully present to anyone or anything - it's enough to make you crazy if it weren't so deliciously perfect.

New old friends

I want to kill several birds (honor several people) with one stone (message), so here goes. Yesterday I committed to reviewing a good friend's book of poetry on Amazon, and it had me pull the book out one more time and re-read it for the 3rd or 4th time, and each time it moves me with what it reveals about the author, and how totally raw and real it is. At the time I was looking through it I was also marveling at having met three different people during the day who I didn't know before, but who I knew I was connected to in some mystical, wonderful way, like I had always known them. As I was daydreaming about that, I happened across a poem in the book that caught my eye, entitled "A New Old Friend," and it was perfect for what I had to say to A.B., B.B., and S.Z. today. Welcome into my life, "new old friends." Here is an excerpt from both the poem, and the author's description of it, by my friend, Steve Cichosz, from his book entitled "A Journey Shared," which I highly recommend to anyone who likes to really experience another human being, "fully revealed."

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"A stranger from across the room, I have never seen you before, of this I am sure. Yet with your arrival comes an awareness of immensity. Looking at you I understand that not all distance can be measured with a ruler. As we walk, one towards the other, there is a sense of crossing a vast expanse. As if each of us were traversing the universe with every step. Elephantine sensations reducing galaxies to mere playthings swim about us. I tell you my name.

A friend from across time, awareness of your presence is accompanied by a knowledge that we are of great familiarity. Like amnesiatic partners beyond life, we feel a connection knowing not what it is. With a glance is a comfort, a hint that missing pieces will soon fill spaces in our lives. You tell me your name. ... "
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... However you care to explain it, "A New Old Friend" is about those relationships we recognize as being special before we are even able to put forth an image. A relationship that connects before we have time to hide the reality of who we are. It is an illustration of the speed at which depth can be achieved when commentary is not about the beauty of the mask placed before us.
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Thank you, Steve, for helping me express a profound feeling of warm familiarity to some new friends.

Sometimes the work just finds you. :-)

My son Mark, who is 20 and a sophomore at Rutgers University in New Jersey, told me last year that when he graduates he might like to do what I do with me, which was a very touching moment in my life. Well, as you can see below from a message he sent out to some friends yesterday, it looks like the work is already finding him:
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"Yesterday, I was walking along, talking to my mom on my cell, when I got another call. I picked it up, and lo and behold I found myself being screamed at and cursed at by a shrill female voice. Had I even known the person I am sure I would not have been able to tell who she was she was screaming so loud. Through the crying and yelling I got that she kept repeating, 'How could you?', and things like, 'Shes my best friend!' and 'It's Madeline, for christs sake!', and stuff like that. After about 30 seconds of this I asked, 'Who is this?' That wasn't the right thing to say apparently. I asked if it was my friend Christine, she kind of sounded like her. This got her more upset. 'Christine? Who's Christine! @!!! her too?' Finally, the sentence that made me understand: 'How could you sleep with her?!' I told the young lady that I was pretty sure she had the wrong number. Her response: 'Isn't this Don?' I told her that no, it was not Don, and cautiously asked if she was ok. She sounded fairly unstable. At this point she proceeded to tell me the entire story, how she had been dating Don for two years, loved him so much and how she just discovered that he had been cheating on her with her best friend, Madeline. She told me she was from Howell and when she asked what my number was, which number she actually called, and I told her, she remarked, 'Wow...thats not even close.' By the end of the conversation I actually got her to calm down a little, which was nice, and I did my best to console her, telling her that everyone goes through difficult stretches like this and that it would only get better. I have a feeling hearing this from a friend she would have ignored it, but coming from a wrong number she seemed to take it to heart. I only hope that when she finally did thank me, apologize and hang up that her actual encounter with Don was more subtle and controlled. In any case, I thought this made an interesting story, and it made me smile. More importantly, I realized that whatever little problems I have day to day are pretty small when compared to others', and I realized that maybe next time I'm upset about something I'll dial a wrong number on purpose.

Mark"
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I actually don't think this was a wrong number at all, but a preview of things to come. You attract these people and situations, Mark, because of your big heart. I bet your life is going to be filled with many such "interesting stories." I look forward to the book. :-)

A time to reflect

"Affirmation of life is the spiritual act by which man ceases to live unreflectively and begins to devote himself to his life with reverence in order to raise it to its true value. To affirm life is to deepen, to make more inward, and to exalt the will to live."

-- Albert Schweitzer

I offer this message today as a tribute to new client and friend, C.H., whose wife just had their little baby boy yesterday. C. and I have been having such warm and wonderful conversations about the above theme, as we anticipate spending our time together working on his Life Plan, and God has set the tone perfectly, as always, with this beautiful gift of new life. Congratulations, and enjoy every precious moment, my friend.

Wisdom from the bathroom wall

I spent most of the day yesterday at my coffee shop. It was a nice day of conversation and relaxation. On one particular trip to the men's room, I found myself reading the brick wall, always a scary proposition, but hey I was feeling adventurous. And, lo and behold, this little gem caught me totally by surprise:

"Notice how you're talking to yourself inside your own head? Become more the one 'noticing,' rather than the one talking or listening."

-- Men's room wall at Diedrich's coffee house

Ah yes, when you notice what you're doing to yourself, you can choose to do otherwise. What a concept, from the fountain of wisdom.

P.S. I wrote the above last night, while feeling pretty chipper, and I'm writing this this morning, having had no idea I was going to be spending my entire night in a bathroom. I seem to have picked up a stomach virus from my little buddy that has attacked my system with reckless abandon, so I will be a little difficult to reach today.

The Weight of Truth

Anne just finished The Secret Life of Bees, thoroughly enjoying the book, and toward the end she ran across one final quote she thought I'd like, in fact one that she said made her think of me. It goes like this:

"Knowing can be a curse on a person's life. I'd traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn't know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can't ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now."

It's like in the movie, "The Matrix," you can't trade the red pill for the blue one after you've taken it, just as you can't un-know something you now know. My truth is at least as heavy as my lies ever were. The load is no lighter, only truer and more whole, and that's enough. I now look at carrying it as weight training vs. overwhelming burden.

The Soul of Control

Whenever you're feeling the need to control external circumstances or to avoid another's efforts to control you, remember this:

"The soul of control is fueled by anxiety and nurtured by feelings of extreme vulnerability and a fragile self-confidence."

-- Les Parrott

With this awareness, you can both monitor and regulate your own behavior, as well as make a difference in another's through your compassionate understanding of what's underneath it.