Scary (for me) proposition

First, I want to say thank you to all of you out there who reached out to say hello on my birthday yesterday. It was an overwhelming display of community and friendship. The good wishes, e-cards, voice mail songs, etc. were truly amazing and very much appreciated, and I had a wonderful day with family and friends.

OK, now this next thing is a little scary for me, but here goes. I'm going to use the residual good vibes from my birthday to give me the courage to put this conversation out there. A few weeks ago I received the following email from a guy who I really admire and respect. In fact, he was my first paying customer almost 6 years ago, someone who really took a chance on me before I had a clue what I was doing. I now consider him a dear friend, and I sense he really values my work in the world and my contribution to his life. He sent me this note as a reflection of how much he values what I do, and how much he believes I should receive money for this value, and it also reflects an awareness and knowledge he has regarding marketing and delivering value over the internet. He runs a company that does this kind of thing. When I first read his suggestion, I cringed a little, because I have been doing this thing for free for so long and love it so much that I didn't want to tamper with a good thing. Then I chatted about it casually with a few friends and clients, and with Anne. Some of them laughed at me, and some of them scolded me for being so closed-minded in this area. They accused me of "scarcity thinking." They said they would love to contribute to me in some way in return for the tremendous value they received every day from my messages and stories. I got enough of this kind of surprising feedback to warrant doing what Ken suggested, which is to put it out there for you to consider and comment on. So I am asking you, what do you think of the idea below? Is there any merit to this and, if so, do you have any relevant ideas or feedback that would improve on it? I have no intention to change anything about this service unless and until I get a resounding signal from you that you would LOVE to pay me for this service in some way. Nothing less will convince me to do anything but what I'm currently doing. But it sure seems that some of you, and definitely Ken, want to see me experience abundance from this service, and who am I to stand in the way of that prospect? Regardless of what happens in the end, thank you for your love and support over the years, and I'll get right back to it tomorrow.

OK, have at it, gang.

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Okay so here is my suggestion for you, Jim. Set up an internet site that describes your inspirational life coaching. Begin a low cost, high value (in the spirit of the internet) subscription model where you deliver your daily life messages. Charge $3.99 per month (about the same as a large coffee at Starbucks... call it Coffee with Spivee). Have a refer-a-friend program that gives the referrer 3 months free service for each referral.

Make it a viral program leveraging the internet.

Let me know how I can help other than being your first paying customer.

Good luck!!!

Kennyj

P. S. Run this by your email group that you currently have and ask for their ideas to help improve on mine.

The magic of loving and its effect on time

"Too Slow for those who Wait,
Too Swift for those who Fear,
Too Long for those who Grieve,
Too Short for those who Rejoice;
But for those who Love,
Time is Eternity"

-- Henry Van Dyke

I find this message perfect for today, as I prepare for a day of mediation work. It is an affirmation to keep me fully present to my genuine loving nature, for my own sake. For those of us who love life and want it to last forever, until eternity, here is the answer: Be loving in every conscious moment. Thanks for the reminder, S.C..

Aligning what you do to serve who you choose to be

I was meeting with a new coaching client this morning, and he does some work in the technology industry, and somehow we found ourselves talking about the recent slide toward complete commoditization of IT Services since the dot.com implosion, and something just fell out of my mouth that he found interesting and provocative. He suggested that I share it with you, so I will, but primarily to establish a broader context about which I'd really like to say a little more. Consider the following paragraph a fairly common question that prospective clients of IT Services are thinking and feeling these days, but not explicitly asking, in their interactions with prospective IT Services suppliers:

"Why should I consider asking my company to spend millions of dollars to pay for a group of your disgruntled, disillusioned employees (who are not being real with you) to leave their families, stay in hotels, and come on our site to interact with our disgruntled, disillusioned employees (who are not being real with me), where the way we gain internal approvals and contract with each other sets up a mistrust between us that has all of us focus our energies on trying to protect ourselves from each other and our respective bosses and shareholders, rather than on cultivating a possibility that we could actually build something together with exceptional value for all involved?"

This kind of cynicism, fear, and ensuing paralysis reflects a fundamental and widespread crisis that is showing up everywhere in business today. Personal and organizational meltdowns are unfolding when business people at work act in ways that are totally inconsistent with who they know themselves to be at a deeper personal and spiritual level. The questioning taking place inside the troubled minds in one industry begs a broader question for all of us:

"How do we create a way to have 'what we do' in our work promote, propel forward, and serve who we choose to be in the world?"

A growing number of courageous pioneers are discovering answers to this question and are implementing those answers in their lives and in their businesses. The days of the old order, where people separate the behavior, ethics, and principles they exercise at work from the behavior, ethics, and principles they live with their family and friends, are numbered. A new order is emerging, where people honor themselves and each other in new ways to create long-term, self-sustaining value for all vs. short-term financial value for a few. This new order is not quite here yet, so we find ourselves floating precariously in the void between trapeze bars, having let go of one bar while the other is only beginning to come into view. How can we act right now, in this time of alarming uncertainty, to best serve who we choose to be in this new order?

In the world of business leadership, effective and successful leaders of the future will work to create environments that honor people in this void and support the re-integration of their lives - enabling people to lift themselves up to be their fullest and most powerful selves, stewarding them and unleashing them to lift up the entire world.

Stick to your own business

"To have a truly great partnership, try focusing on how you are doing at loving your partner, not on how much your partner loves you. You cannot control how much your partner chooses to love you. You can only control how much love you choose to contribute to the relationship. Make whether or not your partner loves you none of your business."
-- Lloyd Thomas

This might sound "over the top" in the realm of being responsible for your own experience of the world, but it's really true. It reminds us that the best way to create the outcome we desire in our relationships is to "be the solution." It is futile to wait for or expect another person to create our desired outcome for us. That approach only tends to alienate others and totally frustrate ourselves. This strategy is not easy for the ego to accept; our ego wants to be right about what it thinks we deserve. And it's right that we deserve to be loved - all of us do. But the real question boils down to this, "Do we want to be right (and lonely and miserable about it), or do we want to be effective (and connected and happy) in the realm of relationship?" Looking outside of your own ego needs and choosing to love, no strings attached, is the most effective strategy for making your partnership work.

The test of our manhood

"This is the test of your manhood: How much is there left in you after you have lost everything outside of yourself?"
-- Orison Swett Marden

With many of you men out there with whom I have spoken or worked as coach, this is a recurring theme. What does it really mean to be a man in today's world? We grew up with certain paradigms that have been passed down within our families and cultures, but we keep asking ourselves the question well into our adult years. The natural tendency in the past has been to measure our manhood by some combination of external measures - usually tied to what we can do, influence, and/or control, as well as the physical things we can accumulate. But we are beginning to look deeper - to the very core of our being. What are we made of when all of the external measures are stripped away? Who would we be if we had nothing? How would we spend our time? Who or what would we serve? Who or what would we love? Who would we listen to? Therein lies the measure of us, and it's a challenging place to look. For me, as a personal coach and business consultant, I have to ask myself who I would be if no one called requesting my time, if there were no "rescue missions" to attend to, if others didn't "need me." Would I be that thankful child of God, that loving and respectful husband, that dedicated and strong father, that always available friend that I aspire to be? Ooooh boy, that's a very confronting measuring stick.

A peaceful reminder

As I was thinking about what to write today, I found myself leafing through my 10-year-journal, one of my favorite gifts ever from one of my favorite people ever (yes, J.J., you), and I came across something I wrote on this day in 1998. I was in one of my favorite places ever, Forever Spring, the beautiful home of two other of my favorite people, and I had just learned an important lesson about how to re-engage life when it starts to feel especially cluttered with problems and stresses. I want to share that lesson with those of you who might feel overwhelmed by "things to do" and "problems to solve" right now. First, SLOW DOWN, to fully appreciate all the beauty, the gifts, and the resources that are all around you, right where you are in this moment. Second, rather than try to take on all of your problems head-on, CREATE A PEACEFUL ENVIRONMENT around you that allows solutions to show up naturally. We have a tendency to work too hard at life and to be so hard on ourselves. There's a natural order to things - a flow to life - that can only be accessed through appreciation and peacefulness.