The Art of Peace

The Art of Peace begins with you.
Work on yourself and your appointed task in the Art of Peace.
Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow.
You are here for no other purpose than to realize your inner divinity and manifest your innate enlightenment.
Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all that you encounter.


- Morehei Ueshiba

Thank you, Hiep, for once again lovingly validating and lighting my path. And related to my life's work and its service to the world, I hear that same voice that said in the movie, Field of Dreams, "Build it, and they will come."

On possessiveness and generosity

"Where there is possessiveness, there is always violence. We have to guard things which we think are ours; when we give away a thing to someone, this possessiveness disappears since we no longer regard that thing as ours. All things in the world belong to us, but we are indifferent towards them and do not lose any sleep on their account. In the same way; we should think that the things we keep belong to others as much as to us and remain indifferent to them."

-- Mahatma Gandhi's interpretation of The Bhagvadgita

I have just steeped myself in the lesson about what possessiveness of physical things (including money) produces and, conversely, what generosity of spirit produces. I found myself trying desparately to hold on to some tiny little vestige of financial security lately, feeling a great and painful sense of the lack thereof, and I watched that temporary insanity produce anger, defensiveness, frustration, greed, humiliation, misunderstanding, and strained relationships with the people I love most. I have gone through a difficult "letting go" process, with the support of my brilliant and beautiful wife and partner, Anne, my wonderful parents, and my fabulous sons, while giving up my fearful need to "be OK" in the future, and it produced compassion, connectedness, ease, effectiveness, fun, joy, laughter, and then on the heels of those, MONEY, OPPORTUNITY, ABUNDANCE. Whoa! How the heck did that happen? The paradox in this is so rich and juicy; I just love it! As Henry said earlier today, "Life is such a great teacher!"

Thanks to my community

I had another fabulous experience yesterday and today of the great caring and generosity of my email community - another dramatic iteration of what always happens when I share myself "in the raw." I received such warm and thoughtful responses - so much validation and support. It's what we all want, I think, to know that we are accepted and cared about exactly as we are, and you came through with flying colors, and I thank you. To all of you who asked me if and/or how you could help, and there were a startling number of you, I repeat with great appreciation and love, "you already have." You gave me exactly what I was seeking, which was simply to know that you were there - that you heard me, accepted me, and trusted me to own up to my own illusions. Into your powerful listening I have spoken my fears, and they have vanished for another day. For those of you who saw yourself in my message and related to the nature of my struggle, I am happy to have served as a compassionate mirror for you - a safe place where you could reflect on your own humanity, knowing that you're not alone.

Understanding my own challenges and motivations

The last few weeks has been a period of startling contrasts for me. While coaching others, I am slowly learning how to just calmly "be" with another person in the midst of their scariest chaos, without criticism, expectation, or judgment. I feel this manifesting as I am learning to endure and honor my own when it flares up. In this arena, I've caught myself on a couple of occasions lately operating on unconscious emotional autopilot in my own life and, out of that, acting more than a little self-righteous. Financial fears have triggered me into some painful drama of my own, where I feel lost inside my own head, tormented by a relentless sense of guilt for having "screwed up" my life - with my divorce surely having "damaged" my sons and "devastated" my parents, and now "wreaking financial havoc" in my second family's life. I notice how hard I can churn to appease that guilt. I'm even noticing that I sometimes feel guilty for discovering how to have a happy, healthy, loving life, as if people really expect me to suffer endlessly while struggling to meet my overwhelming responsibilities. A very dramatic and seductive illusion, indeed. Guilt can be a powerful motivator in life, but definitely not a constructive one. It tends to eat me alive. When I'm more awake and aware, and feeling the deep sense of appreciation, connectedness, and forgiveness I've come to know in the last few years, I find that I am spending my days responding authentically to a profound spiritual calling, fully trusting God and His plan for my life. In fact, in many ways, helping others in the midst of my own helplessness is the truest nature of this calling. The whole truth, however, is the sum total of "all of it." Whenever I try to cover up the scarier aspects of my life, the stuff that leads me into my own chaos and motivates my churn to get out, I only end up damaging my credibility and effectiveness in my various roles as Coach, Dad, Husband, Son, etc.. It is so hard to simply "be" this thing called 'human being,' and yet that's all there is to do here. I am here BOTH to experience, learn, and heal my pain in the physical world AND to celebrate, praise, and share my gifts in the spiritual world. When I'm free to fully experience that "all of it," surrendering my need to "look good" while doing it, my life works and feels right. When I try to package myself up more attractively for public consumption, while hiding from my deeper personal pain, it doesn't work nearly as well and feels lousy. Learning to communicate this as clearly and completely as I can is both very difficult and very helpful for me. You play an invaluable role. You are my mirror. You show me "all of me." Thank you for being such caring, compassionate, and patient listeners, and such a helpful sounding board as I work through my life's many mysteries.

Experiencing the best in others through being our best

"The way to find and develop the best in another person is through appreciation and encouragement."

--Charles Schwab

Isn't it amazing how often we critique and judge each other, especially when you consider how we all hate feeling judged? Isn't it interesting how demanding we can be of another's best, especially when we're so reluctant to be our best in inviting it? Doesn't it make so much more sense to find the qualities in another that are worthy of our appreciation and encouragement and to give both in full measure? After all, the immediate effect tends to be a good feeling all around, an increased comfort in relating with each other, and a mutual desire to continue to grow and learn together. What would have us be unable or unwilling to follow this approach? I can only think it would be a lack of appreciation for our own lives and a fear of our own greatness. As often as we can, let's help each other remember where we came from with appreciation, while encouraging each other on our long journey home.

We can help ourselves most by helping others.

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely offer help to another without helping himself."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And the times when these gestures pay the greatest dividend back to you, AND make the biggest difference for others, AND matter the most to God, are not those times when you're on top of the world, with things generally going your way, but rather when you feel beaten, exhausted, lost, and scared to death. These are magical moments of outrageous power.