Humility

"The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient."

-- St. Augustine

We all have relationships and situations where we feel hopelessly incompetent - where, despite our best intentions, things just keep blowing up in our face. I've worked with several of you this week in just such situations, and I've experienced one myself today. The automatic response is typically to feel angry, judgmental, and/or resentful, but these are just reflections of our own inner boundaries - those emotions that show us the limits of our own ability to listen, love, understand, and transform. Instead of giving in to these feelings, I'd like to take just a moment to honor those who show us our walls. By clarifying for us the "insufficiency of our merit" in situations that are simply beyond our current capabilities, they enable us to improve the future targeting of our best intentions, to grow in strength and wisdom, and to ultimately learn how to forgive ourselves, let go, and move on.

An interesting and very real exchange ...

Below is an interesting, and very real, email conversation that took place earlier today, put in the sequence in which it was held, with identity protected:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----- Original Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 8:05 AM
Subject: Just a thought...

Jim,

Hope all is well with you and yours. Just a thought I wanted to share:

When you see what had been a very respected industry (the accounting industry) brought to it's knees in one fell swoop, it reminds me of the old saying: "One ‘awe shit’ can sure wipe out a whole lot of ‘atta boys!’"

Here are a couple a quotes sent by a friend of mine that seem very appropriate these days.

"Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. "

-- George Orwell (1903-1950), Essayist and writer; War Of The Worlds and 1984 Author

"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

-- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826), 3rd U.S. President

Regards,

(CEO Name)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----Reply-----
From: Jim Spivey [mailto:jspivey@revolutionconsulting.com]
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 8:10 AM
To: (CEO Name)
Subject: Re: Just a thought...


(CEO Name):

I believe the accounting industry was "brought to its knees in one fell swoop," because it forgot what its work was in the world, and for whom it was doing it, and it shifted its focus to "protecting its deal," its own long-term security and self-interest. This happens to all of us every day at a personal level. Do we "do our life's most sacred work" which always involves "doing good," having faith that our job is not to "produce the result" but to honor the work and each other and leave the rest to God, or do we secure the next deal, the next quarter, the next promotion, the next bonus, etc.? This is our daily struggle, and it is a worthy one.

Jim


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----- Reply -----
From: (CEO Name)
To:
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 8:31 AM
Subject: RE: Just a thought...


Jim,


If my Executive Coach is right that less than 10% of CEOs out there share my desires in terms of balance and building a healthy community... Well, I intend to do what I can do...and that is all I can ask of myself. And I'm glad that I know that. And hanging around you has helped me know that.

It is a very worthy struggle in my mind. And I will go to my grave knowing that it is the right thing to do. I just have to make sure that trying to do this doesn't put me in that grave prematurely. :-)

(CEO Name)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----Reply-----
From: Jim Spivey [mailto:jspivey@revolutionconsulting.com]
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 12:09 PM
To: (CEO Name)
Subject: Re: Just a thought...

(CEO Name):

I believe differently. I believe that 90% or more of CEO's share your "desires," but that 10% or less have your "courage." Now, if you can accept that possibility, the million dollar question becomes, "Who do you choose to be in the face of that?" I hear your inner conflict, my friend, and I honor it, and I'm here to support you being your highest self, reminding you that the "grave" you fear is an illusion, and that "heaven on earth" is not only a possibility, but a promise, in exchange for obedience and praise.

Love,

Jim


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----- Reply -----
From: (CEO Name)
To:
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 12:25 PM
Subject: RE: Just a thought...

Nice reply! Thanks!

But I'm not sure about the million dollar question. Can you explain for us slow pokes what you mean by that question?

"Who do you choose to be in the face of that?"

(CEO Name)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----Original Message-----
From: Jim Spivey [mailto:jspivey@revolutionconsulting.com]
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 12:27 PM
To: (CEO Name)
Subject: Re: Just a thought...


Simple. Do you choose to operate out of fear or love, knowing that there's NO middle ground - you cannot serve two masters.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


----- Reply -----
From:
To:
Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 12:31 PM
Subject: Just a thought...



Got it. Love it is!!!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spread the good word.

"Good, the more communicated, grows."

— John Milton
I am marveling today about the magic that is this wonderful medium called email and how it expands the power of this particular quote. I started out sending these daily messages to this distribution list a few years ago, to a list of about 25 friends and colleagues in the U.S., with no real intention for it to be anything more than a friendly little greeting and thought for the day to people I cared about who seemed to appreciate my unfolding view of life and the world. It has since grown to well over 250 people around the world, many of whom I've never met, through pure word of mouth (or touch of keyboard). From all indications these messages, which have now gotten much more personal on request, now reach well over 1,000 people through cascading connections I'm not even aware of. And then I get beautiful messages back every day, from both people I know and others I don't, expressing appreciation for what a difference they've made in their lives. This is a beautiful miracle to me, and I am so thankful to all of you for giving me such a powerful experience of feeling connected to you and the world.
Love to all,
Jim

P.S. Thanks to another cool technology called Web Logs, made available through www.blogger.com, I am now logging these messages to our website @ www.revolutionconsulting.com, under "Jim's Daily Notes," so that you can retrieve archived messages off the site anytime you want without having to save email messages yourself. Eventually, with Anne's technical help, I hope to open this up to being a shared facility, more like a shared global journal of all of our thoughts and interactions. That would really be an amazing thing. Well, one thing at a time. :-)

Regaining your balance in the face of chaos

I have struggled with this contrast today, and feel like it signify's the battle raging inside each and every one of us, through which we are called to choose who we are in each such "moment of truth:"

BETHLEHEM, West Bank - Scores of Palestinian gunmen were hiding inside one of Christianity's holiest shrines — Bethlehem's Church of the Nativity (built on the grounds where Jesus was born) — on Wednesday, seeking refuge from Israeli troops that invaded the city as part of an offensive aimed at crushing Palestinian militias in the West Bank.

"LOVE ONE ANOTHER!"


John 15:12

While "in the soup of it," I came across this little gem - like finding a heads-up penny on the sidewalk, exactly when I needed some kind of sign to regain my balance. It fits and lifts my day perfectly, putting my spirit firmly back in command of things. I share it with you in the hope that it might do the same for you.

The Three Treasures
The Body is the temple of life.
Energy is the force of life.
Spirit is the governor of life.
If one of them goes off balance,
All three are damaged.
When the spirit takes command,
The body naturally follows it,
And this arrangement benefits all Three Treasures.
When the body (or mind) leads the way,
The spirit goes along,
And this harms all Three Treasures.
~ Wen Tzu Classic

Please protect your treasures in the face of life's contrasts.

On letting go

We hold on so tightly to our pain and suffering, as if our lives depended on it, when in fact the opposite is true. Experiencing life the way God promises it to us requires "letting go" of it as an entitlement, as something we deserve to have turn out our way, and accepting it as the most profound gift. By embracing the death of our human wants, we shatter the illusion of death. There are many varied versions of this truth. Take your pick.

The secret to life is to die before you die, realizing that there is no death."

-- Eckhart Tolle

"The tighter you hold onto anything (like life), the less of it you have."

-- Zen saying

"When you learn not to want things so badly, life comes to you."

-- Jessica Lange

"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death."

-- The Bible [1 Corinthians 15:26]

On being an instrument of love

Earlier today I was asked by someone to write an introduction of myself and the proposed theme for a speech I might be giving to their organization over the next few months. They're a neat organization right here in Houston that is dedicated to spreading the word regarding the real-world benefits of "spirituality in the workplace." It would be an honor to talk in front of such a group. In stark contrast, I found myself reflecting on the newscasts I had just seen over the last few weeks about the horrors in Afghanistan, India, and the Middle East and, more locally, the latest Enron garbage, and the ongoing Andrea and Russell Yates' saga. As I pondered the great imponderables behind these stories, I happened across this quote, and it both soothed my mind and reminded me of Who I Am. I feel better now, thank you.

"The pain of the world will sear and break our hearts, because we can no longer keep them closed. We've seen too much now. To some degree or other, we have surrendered into service and are willing to pay the price of compassion. But with it comes the joy of a single, caring act. With it comes the honor of participating in a generous process in which one rises each day and does what one can. With it comes the simple, singular grace of being an instrument of Love, in whatever form, to whatever end."
-- Ram Dass

Fill 'er up!
Regardless of what we might have learned, it is not selfish to seek our own peace, joy, and fulfillment (note that these are much BIGGER distinctions than mere "ego satisfaction"). In fact, when we do it to the fullest, it always results in service to others in the end. When we feel whole and complete, it becomes most natural for us to give. It can actually be more selfish to ignore that which truly fills us up. When we're not taking good care of ourselves, we often severely limit our giving capacity, especially once our minds start to dwell on what we are lacking - energy, love, money, time, etc.. When we take the time to fill ourselves up, in healthy and wholesome ways that are consistent with who we are, then those around us always benefit.

I'll be seeing Brandon today, and tomorrow marks our third anniversary since being "matched" by the Big Brothers & Big Sisters of America organization. I can't believe it's been 3 years. When I met Brandon he was 14, and he occurred to me at that time as someone who was not really sure he wanted to live. In my arrogance and ignorance I thought it was my job to save him from his plight. In the three years that have ensued it has become increasingly clear to me that he not only wanted to live, but he was committed to a great life for both himself and every member of his family. It might not have always been fully conscious to him or visible to me, but it's now clear he had a plan all along.

In so many ways, Brandon, you are my hero. While welcoming me into your life as a friend and supporter, you have demonstrated the meaning of courage and commitment to me every day. I have learned so much from you. In the time since we started our journey together, I have witnessed my older sons, Jim & Mark, become fine young men, in charge of their own destinies; I have become a Dad again and have savored the miracle that is Jake every single day of his young life; and I have embraced the importance and wonder of family life in a brand new way. In many ways, I have you to thank for opening my eyes and my heart to these miracles. Next week we go on the radio together to promote Big Brothers & Big Sisters of America to the Vietnamese community here in Houston, and it should be so much fun to share that experience with you. I am proud to tell the world of "busy men" that by extending ourselves by conscious choice to one young boy in need of a friend and supporter - to help him achieve what he is up to in his life, not what we might think he needs from us - we have the opportunity to grow and learn dramatically as human beings and to savor the sweetness of our own lives to a whole new level. Thank you, Brandon, for giving me that very special gift and for welcoming me into your family. You are surely an important part of mine. I love you, Little Brother, and Happy Easter to you and your family.