"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. This is true of earthly as well as heavenly things. It is especially true for he who would create and realize a strong and well-poised life."
-- James Allen

I am a big James Allen fan. He sets the standard for self-responsibility for me. While writing this I remembered that a few weeks ago a good friend reminded me of God's words when it comes to this "boundedness" described above. He sent it in response to the message entitled "If you want both ..." Thanks, Tim, for these powerfully reinforcing words.

Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat - for He always grants what is needed to those He loves. (Psalm 127:1-2)

God is telling us there is a way of working without striving for results. There is a way to conduct business without sweating and toiling for a particular outcome. His warning to each of us is to avoid thinking that outcome is based on our sweat and toil. Outcome is based on our obedience. That outcome is sometimes more than we deserve. Sometimes it is less than we hoped for. His desire for each of us is to see Him working in our daily work life. He wants us to avoid looking to our own effort to gain an outcome and instead focus our effort inward.

"In learning to love that which I believed threatened to bury me, I found my roots. Please, O God, bless both the fertilizer and the fruit of my life's longing for itself."

(a short prayer that I fused together from some thoughts shared between cousins, inspired by so many of us who are learning to love our lives in the aftermath or midst of difficulty and painful experience, and offered up to remind all of us that, "Great beauty usually springs forth from an intimate relationship with our lives' dirt." It's about time I honored you and all you've made of your life, Cous'. Keep up the great work!)

"Out of our feelings of inadequacy, we tend to project superiority, an interesting defense system. Then when confronted with others projecting their superiority, we feel even more inadequate. I have noticed among us human beings that the most striking common bond among us is how uniquely screwed up we each think we are, so much so that we dare not truly reveal ourselves. When we lower our ego defenses and lift up our deeper selves, we find we can see each other eye to eye - and often really like what we see."

"Even as the father lays down the law, he knows that someday his children will break it as they need to break it if ever they're to find something better than law to replace it. Until and unless that happens, there's no telling the scrapes they will get into trying to lose him and find themselves. Terrible blunders will be made—dissapointments and failures, hurts and losses of every kind. And they'll keep making them even after they've found themselves too, of course, because growing up is a process that goes on and on. And every hard knock they ever get, knocks the father even harder still, if that's possible, and if and when they finally come through more or less in one piece at the end, there's maybe no rejoicing greater than his in all creation."
-- Frederick Buechner, 'Whistling in the Dark'

Reading this today, I am very moved to be able to see and appreciate the ebb and flow of fatherhood over my lifetime, from multiple perspectives. Coincidentally, I am leaving tomorrow with Anne and Jake to go visit my older sons, Jim & Mark, on their college Spring Break, with all of us staying at my parent's house. I am left humbled and in awe of fatherhood, with these simple thoughts:

"O, what storms I've weathered and caused in this life, and there are surely more to come, but I stand arm in arm with my father and sons on solid ground, healthy and whole, celebrating and rejoicing in us."

"I’ve learned that the wife plays an important role in how honest a man is."

I ran across this the other day, and it stopped me in my tracks and made me think. And then it left me with profound appreciation for my wife, Anne. I know I am committed to a good and honest life. And right now I am experiencing the benefits of such honesty. It has not always been so. Have I changed? - yes, definitely. Is Anne responsible for my honesty? No other person can be responsible for my choices. But I watch my wife carefully every day, and I love the environment she creates in our home - she lives truth, listens for truth, speaks truth, demands the truth, even when it's painful or ugly. Anne has taught me that "painful truth" can only remain painful and true when you hold onto it in shame or to look good - like you're unaffected or "have it handled." It can imprison you. When you let it out, it sets you free.

One of the many reasons that I love my wife is her powerful stand in the area of truthfulness. I don't tell her this often enough, so what better time than when I am honoring "telling the truth." She is my hero and role model in this area.

I love you, Anne, and thank you for this wonderful contribution to my life! :-)

Today I'm talking directly to the busy men's club that I used to belong to, in fact was proud to belong to, and in fact, if I'm totally honest, still do belong to in many ways. And I'm reaching out with great compassion and humility, remembering the substantial number of you that I know and love in this club - people I care about deeply and respect immensely. When you step outside of the boundaries and rules of the club for a little while, you begin to see some things more clearly than when you were on the inside. I want to offer a perspective on one of those things, in particular. In many ways busy businessmen are trapped unconsciously inside animal instincts that actually served them and their families thousands of years ago, and much of the time since then. We love to be out on the hunt (road warriors on airplanes), comparing our weapons (our fancy clothes, our marketing schtick, our electronic gadgetry, etc.), bragging about our trophies (our cars, boats, airplanes, etc.) and how well we are providing for our families (the size of our homes, the amount of stuff in them, our vacations, etc.), so much so that it can be really hard to see and understand the needs of new communities, families, and organizations that are showing up all around us, wanting us to, in fact demanding that we, be more than just hunters (providers). These communities are demanding leaders and stewards who can lift up the capabilities and welfare of the entire group as well as each individual in it - to be responsible for the whole. This is a role we do not have basic instincts to draw strength from, but that we can perform out of our hearts' knowing it is right and our sheer force of will, if we so choose. Unfortunately, it is not so easy as just putting down our weapons and giving up the hunt, because we all still need to eat, but our families, our communities, the global human community - they are calling us home. They are not asking us to provide more, they're asking us to be more. They are not asking us to defend or protect them from the world; they're asking us to make the world a safer place. They are not asking us to strategize new businesses or wars to secure their future; they're asking us to help make the future abundant and self-sustaining for all. They are not asking us to handle everything; they're asking us to teach what we know and learn what they know. They are not asking us to judge them or the world; they're asking us to find forgiveness in our hearts through forgiving ourselves for the past treachery we've unwittingly carried out in the name of duty and honor. They need for us to listen and to act boldly. They represent the future of the world. How will we respond?

"If compassionate toward yourself, you can reconcile the world."

Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War

"There is overwhelming evidence in the world that we human beings do our best work and get the most, if not the impossible, done when we feel good about ourselves. When we do the right things and gain (or regain) our own forgiveness, healing, self-respect, etc., it unleashes tremendous positive energy that gets the most important things in our lives done, and done well. Doesn't it make sense to build communities and companies and families that focus their energies on each individual's effectiveness and well-being, such that great results get produced for all - customers, employees, family members, owners and society as a whole. Anything less produces less. In whatever capacities or roles we find ourselves in, let's always put and keep the things in place that let us do our best work."

-- Yours Truly